Top 5 Dating Trends We See For 2015

Is the “hook up” culture losing its steam?....find out what the stars say will be trending for 2015…

As a Relationship Coach, I get a front seat to all of the trends happening in dating and relationships.  And for years past, singles have been on the roller coaster ride of trying to navigate the tricky waters of dating.  From the explosion of online dating to the trend of casually “hooking up”, dating has become more confusing than in any time in history.  However, I do have good news for you.  Dating is about to get some help.  So let’s see what the stars have in store for us.

To make predictions, I use Western Astrology which helps me to see any major trends on the horizon.  For example, for the past several years, technology has had a powerful impact on dating and relationships in general.  The planet Neptune, known for illusions and idealism, was in the cool sign of Aquarius.  This planetary aspect has helped to open many doors for us in bringing people together through technology such as Facebook and Skype which to some would’ve seemed unreal years ago.  Yet, even with such great technology, it has yet to replace the chemistry two people have when they are face to face with each other.   

As we fast forward to 2015, the planet Neptune has since moved into the compassionate sign of Pisces so we’re seeing more people become more compassionate and understanding to one another.  This translates to singles becoming more sensitive and understanding to the flaws and weaknesses of a potential mate.  With Neptune in Aquarius, singles were more concerned with a person’s online profile whereas Neptune in Pisces teaches singles to be much more sensitive to the actual person.  But, if we’re not careful, the dark side of Neptune in Pisces can represent self-delusion, manipulation and extreme idealism too!

With that being said, we’re entering into a new and different phase for relationships.  Saturn is now transiting the sign of Sagittarius.  If you read some Astrology blogs, you’ll see that Saturn has been erroneously known for its harsh dictatorship when it’s only here to help us reach our greatest potential by giving us the challenge we need to move to the next level in our lives.  With Saturn in the sign of Sagittarius, we may be thinking more about the meaning of life and how we relate to the world.  We’ll be exploring religion and philosophy more to connect to our own spirituality.  As someone who is single, you may want to date someone more socially conscious or who shares your own personal philosophy on life.

Then there’s the planet Jupiter, known for its benevolence and expansion, which will be in the sign of Leo for half of the year.  It has been in Leo since July 2014 and stays in the sign for at least a year.  Jupiter in Leo is all about letting your own light shine in the world.  But with the planet transiting Virgo in August 2015, we’ll be much more concerned with our work in the community.  Singles may begin searching for other singles with the same mission they have of improving the community through service oriented activities.

So what does all this have to do with me?  Well, if you’re single, you should care about how other singles are feeling as a whole because it influences your love life.  To simplify this a little, I’ve compiled a list for you of the top 5 dating trends I see happening for 2015 and in some cases, beyond this time.

1.       The “Hook Up” Culture Is Losing Steam – Say what?  Yes, you heard correctly!  Well, the “hook up” generation is growing older so they’re realizing that this isn’t exactly going to help them long term, especially if they want to have a family.  I coach many twenty something year olds and they seem tired and wounded from “hooking up”.  They’re ready to settle down.  Thus this type of dating is losing steam fast.  But if you’re enjoying this type of thing…don’t worry…it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. 

Additionally, many of the twenty something’s are experiencing (or about to experience) their Saturn Return.  Saturn returns to its original position in an individual’s birth chart about every 29 years.  So this applies to many singles in their latter twenties and will be a wakeup call for them to begin moving towards a more fruitful life or be compelled to deal with the consequences.

2.       Dating Apps/Online Dating Gets A Reality Check – As more and more singles are becoming increasingly aware of the perils and challenges of dating online, they have discarded it altogether.  At first, this may have seemed like the cool thing to do but most are now wondering if it’s even worth the investment of time and resources. 

Further, the disciplinarian planet, Saturn, is in a challenging aspect to the compassionate, yet sometimes delusional planet of Neptune forcing singles to experience their first reality check that online dating may not be the best way to find love.  Or perhaps singles will begin to balance online dating with offline dating and begin creating a healthier mix of places to meet singles.

3.       More Socially Conscious Singles – On a grand scale, we’re starting to see people becoming more socially active and aware of what’s happening in their communities and on the planet in general.  Young, single twenty something year olds are leading the way for all of us.  This trend has already began with all the social uprisings happening whether they’re enlightening us on the causes of police brutality, racism, sexism, economic inequality, etc. 

What’s helping these social uprisings and singles becoming more socially conscious is the mix of Saturn in Sagittarius (social justice) and Neptune in Pisces (compassion, ideals).  Then with the planet Jupiter going into the service oriented sign of Virgo, the theme for 2015 will really be about working towards helping mankind.  What’s awesome about this is that singles will have opportunities to meet like-minded singles in a healthier way rather just dating online or in a bar or a club.  We’re all excited about this trend!

4.       Fitness/Health/Wellness Will Be A Priority – Health and fitness have always been priorities for singles but I believe it will have much more of an impact for 2015 through 2016.  Singles will find more creative and revolutionary ways to stay in shape other than just going to the gym.  You’re also going to notice singles start taking better care of their health than years ago.  With the national healthcare plan in effect, this may aid singles in taking a more proactive look at their health. 

 

But staying fit and healthy doesn’t just mean staying in shape, it also means getting rid of toxic relationships too.  It has been statistically proven that those in toxic relationships experience more chronic illnesses than those who are not in toxic relationships.  So there may be a long, overdue cleansing of the soul from relationships that are not in our best interests.

 

And lest I forget the forces behind such a powerful influence.  This trend is influenced by Jupiter in Virgo, a sign also known for health/purity and cleaning out the toxins of our soul.  With Jupiter in Leo for part of the year, we may be expanding in areas beyond our capacity so we need Jupiter in Virgo to bring us back down to earth.  She will help us to purify our souls and alleviate the toxins we put in it so we can be healed and renewed.

 

5.       Marriage Is Making A Slow Comeback – That’s right!  I said it!  But where did it go?  Well, actually, marriage hasn’t gone anywhere but I wanted to quiet the cynics who continuously report statistics on how the marriage rate is declining.  And even I’ll admit, the marriage ratio seems to have stalled.  But it will start trending upwards again-eventually!  I believe we’ve gone through our worst years for marriage and now I think we’re tying up those loose ends in 2015.  With the hook up culture losing steam (see dating trend #1), that can only mean people will start “tying the knot” again-thankfully!

But before you get too excited about this trend, just note that marriage won’t be the same as it was when our parents got married.  I believe we’ve learned a lot in the past several years and that information will be implemented into how singles date and eventually get married.  I believe singles will start to look deeper into their partnerships to ensure they are compatible and the right fit for them.  This is something our parent’s did not do before they got married.  Singles these days will have a more well-rounded view of marriage and partnership and this will help them not only get married but stay there.

However, this is a long term prediction and well beyond 2015.  The other planets I did not mention which have a huge influence on relationships were Uranus and Pluto.  Uranus, the planet of revolution and invention, in the sign of Aries and the planet Pluto, known for power and transformation in the sign of Capricorn are in challenging positions with each other!  In relationships, these two planetary influences have challenged our need to be individuals, yet respect the institution of marriage.  When there is any type of aspect to the sign of Libra, known for relationships, this challenge becomes even greater.  These two planets, Uranus and Pluto, will make their last dance within the year and help us to finally resolve whatever matters of the heart has come up for us in the past few years.

In summary, we’re excited about the New Year!  There will be so many positive trends in dating making relationships easier to bear.  What we’ve learned over the past years will help us to relate to each other much better and make communication far easier than it has ever been in history.  With such powerful planets helping us to move to a more compassionate society, our relationships will start to improve tremendously.  That’s good news for us singles trying to find our way through the wonderful maze of dating. 

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching/consulting services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

What’s New?  We have meet up groups for both men and women for those living in the Baltimore-DC area.

We also offer personal training services as well!  Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com!

Does your ‘love handles’ affect who you date?

Your weight maybe directly proportional to the type of singles you meet!

Studies show that more than 60% of people put on weight when they’re in a relationship.  This comes as no surprise to those who have enjoyed the comforts of a relationship including the quality time spent indoors cooking delicious meals and cuddling up with the one you love.  But what happens when that relationship hits a “dead end” and you have to go back out into the dating world.  Most newly identified singles find that those “love handles” that once were thought to be cute and adorable by your spouse are surprised to find out they are a hindrance when competing against other successfully fit singles.

Listen, if you don’t believe me, ask those singles who have been struggling to take weight off that they accumulated in their previous relationship.  Having been out in the dating market, they know the challenges of trying to stay positive even when they know their weight is an issue.  It’s really very subtle too!  The best example of this is when you meet someone in person that you met online and you notice their disappointment in seeing that you carry a little more weight than they originally thought in your online profile.  Or maybe you haven’t seen someone in a long time only to discover they have packed on the weight since you last saw them.   In either case, the rejection can be brutal.

Now although most of us find this to be extremely superficial.  I mean…what about the value of the person on the inside?  Oh yeah…if only the world were like this!  We’re all superficial in our own little ways.  After all, we’re only human!  I would like to think the world we live in only judges us based on who we are on the inside and overlooks what we have physically on the outside but I would be lying.  As human beings, we see the outside of people first, then go with what’s on the inside. 

To make my case even further, let’s go a bit deeper into the truth.  Most people aren’t really wondering how much weight you’ve gained, necessarily.  In fact, physically, most people are happy dating someone of average weight in proportion to their height and size.  Gaining a few extra pounds is hardly going to be a deal breaker but gaining a lot of pounds is.  And there’s the real issue.  You see, most singles are really looking for how you take care of yourself and that includes your health.  Although most people will sympathize with someone obese or overweight, they may not want to date them either.

But let’s look at the bright side!  Losing weight and getting fit is wonderful for your health.  Keeping yourself in shape increases your metabolism and energy levels so you can live an active life.  Besides, who wants to date someone who barely has enough energy to sustain a conversation!  Losing excess weight may be the best decision you can make to not only feel better about yourself but attract the person of your dreams too!

So does your “love handles” affect who you date?  As I’ve mentioned, having a few extra curves probably won’t be the thing that gets you the “boot” from a potential suitor.  But most people who are overweight didn’t think that gaining a few extra pounds would make a difference either until one day they woke up and realized they weren’t getting the dates or meeting the type of singles they wanted to meet anymore.  And that was their wake up call.   

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

What’s New?  We now offer personal training services as well!  If you live in the Baltimore-DC area, please give us a call!

Workshop Series: Dream Girl's Cooking Class 101

Hey Ladies,

By popular demand, we're gearing up to host our very own cooking class right in time for Valentine's Day!  We're planning to have our very own private cooking lessons from a local private chef, Chef Nichole Adriane, known for her cooking skills and expertise in the kitchen.  She'll be teaching us how to cook meals that don't require a culinary arts degree nor that costs a fortune to make.
So ladies please bring your curiosity and your taste buds, you're sure to find something special that you can cook for your man.

Here's her website:
www.TheUrbanChicChef.com

Workshop Series: The Psychology of Dating, Why We Date The Way We Do

We are hosting a workshop called “The Psychology of Dating: Why We Date The Way We Do” on January 3 at 2pm in Hanover, MD. In this workshop, we’ll be covering a variety of subjects for singles including topics such as why you may be drawn to dating the “bad guy” even when you know that person is not good for you or maybe you seem to be more attracted to the “model type” but those relationships haven’t resulted in any long term success for you. Maybe you seem to sabotage every great relationship you’re in when you get closer to someone. We’ll even cover why online dating works for some people while others seem to be on a continuous hamster wheel finding no real long term results. Through my years of experience as a dating coach and professional matchmaker and my observations of hundreds of singles, I’ll teach you my tips and strategies to understand and conquer the dating journey once and for all.

 

Please don’t miss this great event. We’ll try to unlock the secret codes of dating so you can move to a new level in your love life!

 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-psychology-of-dating-why-we-date-the-way-we-do-tickets-14684948075

Career Girls, The Real Reason You Should Learn How To Cook!

Sure men can cook these days…but they still appreciate a woman who can cook too!

I’ll admit that I’m a complete geek when it comes to the Food Network, the Cooking Channel, and hundreds of cook books!  While everyone else is watching “Scandal”, I’m watching “Chopped!”  My cooking curiosity dates back to my younger days of waking up on Thanksgiving mornings to soothing aromas in the kitchen while watching the Macy’s Day parade and then seeing the joy and laughter in the evening when everyone has stuffed themselves like a turkey when it’s cooked!

I think my generation really misses those days.  I talk to lots of my peers who also reminisce over those times.  I guess in our normal hustle and bustle of trying to earn a living and having “me” time, we forgot about our families or having “we” time.  Even what was considered a fun family activity after Thanksgiving, “Black Friday”, has resulted in more people being stressed out over trying to buy the next big thing.  It’s no wonder the one thing that was sacred, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, has all but been delegated to the menu of the chefs at your favorite local restaurant.

It’s interesting too because I’ve noticed more men have begun to master the art of cooking which was traditionally a female dominated world.  Not only have men mastered the art of cooking but now dominate many of the world’s finest restaurants.  On the other hand, women have begun to step out of that role and into more male dominated fields once led by men.

But even with men having just as many skills as women in the kitchen, I believe they still appreciate a woman who knows her way around the kitchen too.  To prove my theory, I asked my sweetie indirectly how he felt about us buying a whole Thanksgiving dinner rather than cooking it.  To which he responded, “The whole dinner?” as he sighed silently.  If you ask most men if they would rather date a woman who can cook than one who can’t cook, they would probably not even choose to answer the question for fear of being ridiculed by those of us women who believe that because we live in modern times, men shouldn’t relegate us to such menial tasks.  But secretly they wink (if only in their heads!). 

And by the way, I’m certainly not saying a woman is required to cook to gain a man’s attention or affection.  I’m just saying it’s just a nice little thing to do to show him that you care.  You see, most men remember growing up to seeing their mothers and grandmothers sweating over a hot stove just to make something wonderful and special for their family.  You bring them nostalgia about the “good old days” and help them to feel at peace even when they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.  They think of you as the one person who can make them feel good at home while they prepare to go out in the world to protect their family.

So ladies, I know you’ve climbed the highest mountain in your career, swam the deepest seas but ask yourself what it would cost you to put a little extra love in the kitchen?  It doesn’t have to be a big meal and you don’t have to be “Betty Crocker” nor “Chef Boyardee”.  All you need is a little bit of TLC (tender loving care).  As long as it’s made with the finest ingredients of love, he’ll thank you for it. 

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

The Non-Flirting Flirty Way To Flirt

 

Flirting not your thing…try this to get his attention!

I’ll admit I’m a hopeless romantic but I’ve never thought flirting was one of my core strengths.  I have girlfriends that could attract the opposite sex like bees to honey.  Just give them a minute and a good looking guy and they’re off and running.  I laugh because I don’t even think it takes that long!  I used to dread going out with them because I knew if I spotted a guy I liked they would take him first!

The art of flirting is such a lost art.  I think it’s because most of us fear rejection.  If we take the time to flirt with someone and they reject us, it hurts our pride and ego.  We feel unwanted and unloved.  Eventually we resolve to never do it again or at least not until the other person likes us first.  It’s our way of preventing the pain of feeling rejected.

Most people think flirting is looking at a person until they succumb to your creepy stare.  But that will drive the person away faster than anything.  Other people think that flirting is about the flip of your hair and while this is flirty, it’s not the end all!  There are other ways to get his attention without even trying. 

Flirting can be so much fun even when it isn’t one of your strengths.  I’ve listed some of my favorite old school ways to flirt that are less obvious and won’t cost you anything other than your time and patience with the process.

1.       Clothes and accessories – Most people don’t realize that your clothes speak before you do!  Your clothes say a lot about you when you enter the room.  When you feel good, you dress the part.  When you don’t feel good, you don’t dress the part hoping no one will notice you.  Clothes are like our secret silent language making it a great way to flirt with that special someone without saying a word to them.  I recommend soft colors that signal romance and fitted clothing that allows him to admire your curves.  If clothes are the first thing he sees from you, why not make a great first impression!

2.       Tone of voice – Voice is the most underrated way of flirting.  Have you ever heard a woman who has either a high pitched child-like voice or a woman with a super sulky voice that screams of seduction?  There is something about their voice that drives men wild.  Unless you are a professional speaker, singer or other professional who uses their voice a lot, you are probably not giving your voice the tender loving care that it needs.  But this is such a simple and cost-free way to flirt with the man of your dreams.  It’s certainly worth it to train your voice to speak in a super sexy tone!

3.       Friendliness – This is another underrated way to flirt.  Think about all the guys who were friendly and open to you when you may have been a bit lost or shy.  The friendlier they were to you, the more you thought about it and felt good after meeting them.  This has a huge magnifying effect on men who envision their future wife being an open and friendly person not just to him but also to others around him as well.  You will be someone they can’t wait to take home to momma!

4.       Displaying your kindness and generosity – I meet so many men who seem to be magnetized by kind and generous women.  Men think if a woman is kind and generous to them, she’ll also be kind and generous to their family as well.  And this doesn’t mean she’s a doormat but that she has a kind heart and is kind and generous to everyone she meets which is incredibly sexy to men.

5.       Being Miss Congeniality – I’m reminded of this flirty technique with my sweetheart who loves women who epitomize “Miss Congeniality”.  He says there is nothing sexier and flirty than a woman who loves life.  I agree with him.  I love to be around people who are full of life.  They attract all types of people.  And don’t worry if you’re not the “Miss Congeniality” type.  As long as you are loving and living life to the fullest extent, men will be at your feet in no time.

 

Hopefully, I’ve helped those of you who don’t claim to be super flirty but would like to still be able to attract men.  Don’t get me wrong, eye contact is still probably the number one way to flirt but my purpose in writing this article is for those of you who may be a little shy with using such techniques as they are more obvious to the person to whom you are flirting.  From your clothes, tone of voice, friendliness, kindness and generosity, to being “Miss Congeniality”, these are fun and much more natural ways to get his attention.  And if you don’t get his attention, there’s probably a few others whose attention you did get from using such techniques.

Good Luck!

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

 

 

 

Ultimate Top 5 Places To Meet Men And Women

Wondering how to maximize your chances of meeting the one….read this!

It seems as if meeting people these days has become virtually non-existent.  People just don’t seem to want to make connections anymore, particularly singles.  Whatever happened to meeting someone out and about at the local neighborhood café or at a get together hosted by one of your friends.  It seems as if we leave school and forget how to speak to people!  We become like kids at a high school dance with the boys on one side of the room and the girls on the other!

One thing I’ve observed is that singles tend to look in the wrong places for a quality mate.  If you’re looking for a quality mate, bars, clubs, and happy hours may not be for you.  It’s not to say you can’t meet someone there but it’s just that your chances are slim to none that he or she will end up being the one you take home to meet the parents.  The truth is that many people that go to these places, particularly men, aren’t really looking for long term mates, rather to “hang out” and if they’re lucky, have a “one night stand” with an unsuspecting woman.

Now while we’re on the subject of questionable places to meet men, let’s talk about the most obvious including online dating, churches and the gym.  Well, the truth is these places can be a hit or miss when it comes to finding someone.  Of course, by now everyone knows someone who met on match.com or eharmony.com and yet they also know plenty of others who haven’t met anyone significant online and have yet to find that person.  Churches and gyms are decent places to meet someone but you need to develop consistency because the singles that frequent these places tend to spot the ones that drop in on special occasion like Christmas or New Year’s and then you never see them again.

So you may wonder if I can’t meet him or her in a bar and my chances may be slim dating online then which places do you suggest would increase my chances of meeting the right person?  Great question!  There are actually plenty of great places to meet people.  I’ve listed a few below but please keep in mind this list is not an all-inclusive list.  Based on some of the ideas on this list, you may come up with some of your own to add as well.  This list is just to get you started thinking in the right direction.

Top 5 Quality Places to Meet Men

1.       Volunteer activities (e.g. usher, greeter, etc.) – This is a great way to meet men because they’re at your mercy to help them.  No matter how you look (although you should still look polished and professional!) they need your help.  If you maintain a warm and friendly presence while answering their questions or giving them instructions, they will remember that and hopefully chat with you later after your shift is over!  You may not have been someone they would have normally spoken to but because you’ve helped them get where they’re going, you have earned a star in their eyes.

2.       Sports/fitness events – Okay, this is obvious but it bears repeating.  There is no single other best way to meeting men than through sports and fitness events.  Men love games and anything that has any form of competition in it is sure to be a winner in their eyes.  You certainly don’t have to be an athlete to get involved in these type of events, just someone who loves to watch a game periodically and/or stay healthy and fit.

3.       Business networking/entrepreneurial events – Whenever there is money to be made, men are sure to be there.  Any type of networking events can lead to future business deals and eventually money which attracts men to these types of events in the first place.  This can also be business/entrepreneurial classes or seminars where there is a potential to make money or even more money.

4.       Political events – Men love power.  Plain and simple.  Wherever there is a chance to gain more power and respect, men are sure to follow.  There is no better way to earn more power and respect than politics.  Whoever controls or can influence business and eventually the money flow usually is in a position of power.  Politics offers such an opportunity and that is why men are drawn to politics (like bees to honey!). 

5.       Financial wealth building events – As I’ve noted before, whenever money is involved, you will find lots of men.  Very rarely do I find lots of women at a financial type seminar unless of course it’s aimed primarily at women.  Usually, these types of seminars attract men from every age and income bracket.  Women tend to shy away from these types of events, but if you do decide to attend them, there is always the potential that the guy sitting next to you could be the next Donald Trump (without the hair of course!).

Top 5 Quality Places to Meet Women

1.       Schools/Colleges/Education oriented events – Statistics show there are more women enrolling in colleges/universities than men which is good news for you guys who are looking to meet quality women.  There are plenty of single, quality women enrolled in all sorts of classes from business to psychology.  Now just in case you’re over your college years, keep in mind there are plenty of older women who have decided to go back to school to earn their master’s degree or quite simply to make a career transition.  Any type of event related to education will draw masses of women to it because education has a nurturing quality to it conducive to women.

2.       Single’s Events – Interestingly enough, more women than men attend these events.  Men often shy away from these events because there is an underlying tone of meeting “the one”.  But it’s really unfortunate because there are so many great, quality women who attend these events.  If you’re a man reading this, this should definitely be one of your many options to finding a plethora of single women who fit your preferences.

3.       Charities/Philanthropic/Missionary activities – There is a strong nurturing quality to helping the less fortunate that attracts women by the numbers.  Sure, there are men who attend these events as well but there will always be more women than men.  If you’re interested in doing charity/missionary work, then this will be a great place for you to meet that special women.  And the good news is that if you do find a mate at one of these events, you’ll have found someone very giving and nurturing which can be the start of a great relationship.

4.       Hospitals or Health and Wellness events – Absolutely!  Think about that cute nurse that helped you when you were sick and thought you weren’t going to make it (even though she knew you were fine but just needed a little TLC!).  Well, look no further than to places that care for the sick and wounded.  Just think about it.  These are usually women who have to exude caring and nurturing qualities 24/7 because their jobs depend on it.  If hospitals scare you, then try attending health oriented events which draw lots of different types of people to them who are interested in health and wellness.

5.       Church or Religious Events – I mentioned churches in my opening statements but it should be mentioned again because of its relative importance.  Churches or religious activities are places where women feel free to be emotional and caring and allows them to express their true feminine qualities.  This is the reason there are usually more women in attendance than men (of course this is relative to the particular denomination you choose!).  Now, as I’ve said earlier, you can’t just go one time and score a date.  You have to show that you at least go periodically in order to attract these type of women.  It’s a plus if you also participate and volunteer in various church community events as well (which will help you to meet more women!).  Overall, this is still a great place to meet a variety of women and one that a man who is interested in meeting single women shouldn’t miss!

In general, like attracts like.  If you hang out at a bar hoping to meet the one, but only end up with drunks or people who don’t have your best interests at heart, then now you know why.  But even if I’ve convinced you to check out any of the places I’ve mentioned above to meet people, you’ll still have to show some interest in those places.  For example, if you don’t like politics, then please don’t go to political events looking for a man or you won’t feel very comfortable.  Similarly, if you’re not into charities or philanthropy work, then don’t show up at a Red Cross event primarily hoping to meet your next wife or you may feel totally out of place and still not have met her.  Listen, singles are everywhere but in order to find a great mate, you’ll need to target your efforts more closely to activities and places in which you’re interested and that are geared towards quality people.  And once you start to focus your efforts, I can guarantee you’ll start seeing the results.

Good Luck!

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Getting Your Needs Met Without All The Drama!

#STOPBEINGADRAMAQUEEN!

If there’s one thing I love about my significant other is that he makes me smile even when I don’t feel like it.  There are days when I look at him and the whole world stands still.  But then there are days when I just want to bury my head in the sand from arguing with him.  Have you been there?  If you haven’t, you probably will at some point in your relationship.  It certainly doesn’t have to be like that if you learn how to argue or challenge each other in a positive and nurturing way.

Well, I’ve been focused for quite some time on finding ways that couples can fight in an effective and non-threatening way and still get their needs met.  Now this can be quite a contradiction.  Especially, since men and women can be so different in the way they express themselves.  The more I work with women, the more I realize how much they need to express themselves in a relationship whether good or bad.  The need to get their thoughts and feelings off their chest are paramount.  Men, on the other hand, don’t share this same need.  As a matter of fact, they would rather avoid the whole thing altogether!

One thing that is constant between both sexes is the need to get our needs met.  We both have a yearning to get something out of the relationship.  However, the way we go about it isn’t always the best to generate the most effective results.  For example, let’s say she wants more affection from him at home while he needs more appreciation from her for the things he already does at home.  In other words, she’s starving for love and reassurance and he’s starving for recognition.  Simply put, both are starving to get their needs met but can’t seem to get across to the other person in a positive and meaningful way.

So how do we come together and get on one accord?  As I’ve done research in my own life, through the lives of other couples I’ve observed, and the enormous wealth of information from a number of relationship experts on this subject, I’ve come up with my own theory.  Below, I’ve outlined a few steps for challenging each other in a positive way and ensuring your needs are heard and accepted.

1.       Stick To The Issue At Hand – When we get mad at our mates, we tend to get into a pattern where we bring up old issues besides the one at hand.  Then before we know it, we’re lost in conversation and attacking the person for issues that have already been settled or buried and have no relevance to the one you’re currently facing.  By the end of the conversation, the current issue is still unresolved and our partner doesn’t even know what we wanted in the first place.  Hint:  Prioritize your issues!

2.       Don’t Attack Your Partner – Golden Rule!  The worst thing you can do in a relationship, particularly when you are in the middle of an argument is attack the character of your partner.  In comparison to boxing, you’re “hitting below the belt”.  When you attack your partner, you open up the door to having your character assaulted as well.  Women become more emotional and men shut down completely.  Meanwhile, the issue you want to address lies dormant while your partner’s feelings just got crushed.  Hint:  Attack the issue not the person!

3.       Create A Win/Win – The best thing you can do is to create little “win/wins” for your partner while maintaining your need to get what you want.  When thinking of your needs, consider their needs as well.  For example, if you want him to take you out more, then also be willing compromise and cook dinner at home when he has had a long day at work.  Using this same example, you could also make it worth his time and interest by offering to go to places he’ll enjoy as well so that he gets something out of it too.  Think big picture.  You want to be successful in the relationship and that entails the two of you being happy and fulfilled together.  Hint:  Consider their needs too!

4.       Let Your Partner Know How Much It Means To You – Our mates are not mind readers!  Sometimes they need a little nudge from us about our needs and what getting those needs met really means to us.  This may sound crazy but think about how kids ask for what they want.  They usually give us big doe-like eyes as they ask and it’s as if their whole world will be turned upside down if we don’t give it to them.  Well, you don’t have to go overboard in a dramatic way but just letting your partner know how much something really means to you can do wonders for you in actually getting that need fulfilled.  Hint:  Let Them Know It Means A Lot!

5.       Give Your Partner Some Space To Consider Your Needs – Once you’ve asked for what you need, give your mate a little space.  Allow them the space to consider what you want and how they may go about giving it to you.  If you ask for what you want and then demand they give it to you now, you’ll seem selfish and impatient.  Not to mention, you’ll have turned them off and they may actually reject you altogether.  Besides, they may be in the process of not only giving you what you need but doing it in a way that you never imagined.   

(Hint:  Be Patient!)

6.       Don’t Let Others Dictate Your Relationship – Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our needs, we tend to invite others into the conversation that’s meant to be had with our partners.  This includes having casual, nonchalant conversations with our family members, friends, co-workers, and others who really don’t have a clue what’s really going on inside of our relationships.  All they can do is speculate based on what “we” have told them.  They have to be on your side so your partner never has a chance to defend him or herself.  That’s not very fair.  When it comes to your needs, keep it between you and your partner.  Besides, if you tell them how bad or unloving your mate is and then you go back to that person next week, they’ll be confused and may not believe you the next time something happens.  Hint:  Keep your love affairs private!  Disclaimer:  we’re not talking about abuse in which case telling your family and friends is always acceptable.

In short, relationships teach us a lot about ourselves.  Our partners are like our own mirror images.  They are there to help us grow and be a better person.  It’s no coincidence that relationships are the most challenging area of our lives that we’ll ever encounter.  It is in this space that our true growth and identity lies.  Cultivating and nurturing relationships is where we get our needs met.  Through positive reinforcements like win/wins, staying out of “attack mode”, being focused on the task at hand, letting them know how much a thing really means to us, giving our partners some space, and not allowing others to dictate our relationship is where we can find success.  There’s no need for drama when we have our partner’s best interest at heart.  When we consider our needs, the needs of our partners, and the success of the relationship, we’ll be just fine.

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

2014 Youth Summit held in Columbia, MD

Alpha Kappa Alpha, Sorority, Inc., ILO Chapter hosted its 2nd annual Youth Summit in Columbia, MD and I was honored to be a part of such a great event.  The workshop offered helpful tips and guidance to Junior high school students in the areas of Cyberbullying, Violence for girls and boys, and they also offered fun workshops like Hip Hop Dance moves.  The kids really enjoyed the workshop and all had positive feedback.  Great job sorors and frat!

44th Annual Congressional Black Caucus Convention

What a great week!  I had such a great time at the CBC this year!  Thanks to members and staff of the CBC for allowing me to participate in the event this year.  I met some really great people and learned a lot about what's going on in the community.  I'll be back next year!