Sunday, June 22, 2014

Long Hair Don’t Care…Think Again!

Is the length of your hair keeping you single?

Who could ever forget the actress Keri Russell (aka Felicity) and those lovely, long curly tresses as she played a “doey-eyed” freshman in college?  People didn’t just fall in love with her child-like innocence about love all while balancing the transition between leaving home and finding herself.  They fell in love with her hair.  Sure, we made the best of the new Felicity when she made the bold move of chopping it all off but just like her hair, viewers made a move of their own.  They stopped watching.  Yikes! 

Well, it’s safe to say Hollywood has learned from this cautionary tale.  I heard soon after this episode played out in real life they started writing contracts to actors and actresses which included how they should treat their hair.  But I’m sure both actors and especially actresses already knew the deal.  Your hair is an asset.  Even Nicole Kidman, who was featured on a Chanel No. 5 commercial with her golden tresses strolling down the red carpet, has yet to cut all her hair off as she knows how important it is to her career.

No offense to the feminists who burned their bra so we as women could be “free” but we as women know intrinsically that hair helps us score a few brownie points with the guys.  Even a “plain Jane” can be considered beautiful if she knows the right shampoo and conditioner to add volume and/or length to her hair mane.  Men have consistently voted hair as one of the top physical qualities they look for in a woman and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Why do men love long hair?  Aren’t we living in the millennium?  Well, yes but some things remain the same.  Men still have the image of the sexual goddess in the bedroom with her hair all disheveled after sex.  They still have the image of being able to pull on it or play with it, even if this simply isn’t true.  And for some of us, we are certainly not trying to have someone play in our hair once we just returned home from a visit to the hair stylist!

Below I’ve listed a few questions I get from my clients and tips I’ve offered to them regarding their hair:

1.       What should be my hair length? – Typically, I usually advise clients to grow their hair at least shoulder or neck length, if not longer.  The longer the better when you’re trying to attract men.  There’s a lot of styles you can wear from that length so you can switch it up occasionally if you get bored with one style.  There’s also hair pieces and extensions you can wear until your hair grows.  Don’t be afraid to experiment.

2.       What should I do about ethnic hair? - As an African American woman myself, I’ve had my hair curly, straightened, and even braided but I don’t receive nearly as much attention as I receive when it is long and straight.  Sure, guys think I’m cute when it’s curly but the courtship tends to end right there.  Although, I’ll admit I’ve seen some women with big, beautiful Afros that could put us long, hair sisters to shame. 

3.       Should older women wear their hair long? – Absolutely!  Men are men regardless of their age.  Older men still view women from the same eye with the exception that they are now looking for other, deeper qualities in a woman along with great hair.  Throw out the notion that you need to cut your hair once you are of a certain age.  It’s yesterday’s news!  Just make sure your hair is long and healthy.  As we grow older, our hairlines may start to thin and even recede at the crown of our head.  If you have to make a choice between length and volume, go for a classic style with a little body to complete the look.

4.       Does the color of your hair matter? – Yes!  My hairstylist wears some amazing colors everything from auburn to a bright, golden blonde in her hair.  However, everyone cannot wear those colors, including me!  I would check with a hairstylist who will be able to advise you on a great color for your hair.  However, I would stay away from unusual hair colors like purple or orange.  You want to attract men, not scare them away!  And if you are a mature woman of a certain age who has grey hair, don’t be afraid to wear it naturally.  I’ve seen some women who incorporate their grey hair right into their hair style and it looks wonderful.  Whereas others try to hide their grey, they embrace it!

So is the length of your hair keeping you single?  Well, maybe.  A “plain Jane” would certainly garner much more attention if she decided to add to the length of it.  And a woman over 30 who has no marriage proposals may suddenly become popular in the marriage arena once she decides to “let down her hair”.  Listen, I didn’t make the rules.  I just work with them.  If hair is what men like on us, why not let them have their way.  I like to make love, not war!  It’s a small price to pay for all the work they’ll have to do to keep us!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Should You Quit Your Job To Find Love?

Is Sacrificing Your Love Life For Your Career Really Worth it?  Let’s explore…

Let’s face it.  You’re single, over 35, and yearn to have a family of your own someday.  You start to feel guilty because you’ve worked so hard in college to get a top notch career only to find that this life isn’t quite what you wanted.  You’re lonely and the career doesn’t quite meet that need.  You know you’re perfectly happy being single but also know how much better it would be to find someone special.  Well, you’re not alone in your thoughts.  A lot of women are pondering this same issue.  Is this career really worth it?

When we look back in history, women have always been on the forefront making major contributions to society.  They have obtained a wide range of degrees lending their abilities to the areas of medicine, technology, education and business just to name a few.  They have even exceeded all expectations of graduating college and succeeded men in attendance at many of these colleges and universities.  It is no wonder that women nowadays are leading corporations.  Even men marvel at the wonders of women and their strength to succeed despite any obstacles.

But let’s not kid ourselves.  With all of this advancement comes sacrifice.  You sacrifice your love life for your career advancement.  Its fine when you’re younger but it comes at a price later on in life.  At first, you work endlessly to get the corner office.  Then you become the “employee of the month” and your boss can’t stop bragging about you.  You are the star of the show. 

Yet, you still come home to an empty house.  Only your cats can enjoy your well framed certificates hanging on the wall to signify all your hard work.  Your boss goes home to his wife and your administrative assistant could hardly care less about the job other than to support her kids.  They all have lives outside of the job.  They secretly pity you but enjoy reaping the benefits of your tireless efforts of working overtime or on the weekends to help “save the company”.

Now as depressing as this may sound, I don’t advocate quitting your job to find love (at least not right away!).  I would never advocate leaving a job but I’ve seen some women working countless hours at work only to come home to the comfort of their cats. 

So for those of you on the verge of either quitting your job to find love or buying new litter boxes for additional “family” members, I’ve listed a few points below to get you thinking in the right direction.

1.       What do you really want out of life?  It’s important for you to be clear on where you are right now and where you’re trying to go.  You are creating a blueprint for the direction of your life.  Visualize your life 10 years from now and what would make you happy.  This will help you to identify a path to leaving your job if that’s appropriate for you.

2.       What are the major obstacles stopping you from getting the love you want?  Maybe it’s not the job but how you manage the job that is stopping you from achieving your dreams.  Is it possible for you to re-arrange your schedule to be able to leave work at an appropriate time?  Is there a flexible working schedule that would be more appropriate for you?  How is my time management in general?  Do I feel it necessary to work weekends to cover up my sense of feeling lonely?  If quitting the job is not feasible, why not try online dating or hire a matchmaker to help you find the love you want?  These are just a few starter questions to ask yourself to uncover the real obstacles preventing you from finding love.

3.       How will my finances be affected if I am to quit my job?  This is a big one.  Leaving a job without having another one can really wreak havoc on your finances.  It’s still not that easy out there to find a job.  If you decide that the job is really the main cause of turmoil in your love life, then you’ll need to think about how you’ll be able to survive without having that source of income.

4.       Make an action plan NOW!  It’s far too complicated to just quit your job.  You need a plan of action.  Start saving your money and see how much it would take to live off of it for at least a year.  Taking a year off of work will give you a chance to breathe without the stresses of work obligations freeing you to meet people more easily.  Try to pay off your long term bills and debt so they’re not looming over your head.  This process isn’t easy but if this is your decision, make sure your plans are air-tight.

Finding love is one of the most challenging things in life, especially when you’re working long hours and weekends not having any time to find someone.  However, it is the most rewarding too.  Develop a plan of action and make it a priority.  In my line of work, I’ve seen people work themselves almost into the grave only to then discover the true meaning of life.  When I advise my clients about their work habits, I have to sadly remind them that all of their accolades won’t be written on their tombstone, their position can always be replaced and their co-workers may or may not be in attendance at their funeral, but your family, friends and loved ones will be there every time.  They can’t replace you, even if they tried.   

Food For Thought!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on June 21st in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at