I’ll admit I’ve been a little sad these days because of the shenanigans going on in Washington right now but I’m trying to push through it. Lord help us all! One of the ways I get through it is in writing about various topics including relationships on the meet up board or on my blog. Well last night, I had an interesting conversation with a colleague that I wanted to share with you. She was telling me how she met her beau. She said she met him at a relative’s party but that he had a girlfriend at the time. She said they stayed in contact but that was all to it. She said she didn’t think anything of it and moved on with life. Then she went on to say that one day he told her that he and his girlfriend had broken up. She said they started talking as friends and later he asked her to be his girlfriend. That was a few months ago and they're still going strong. That’s a great Rules beginning.
I then asked her what she thought his plans were for Valentine’s Day. She blew me away with her answer. She said, “Honestly, I’ve never really had a boyfriend on Valentine’s day”. I usually celebrate the day with everybody. But I know he has something planned, as she smiled about it. That’s a great sentiment to have about Valentine’s day.
Now just imagine if she would’ve rushed in this situation. I can tell you what could’ve happened. He may have not been over his ex-girlfriend and consequently, treated her like a side fling. Her patience enabled him to allow their friendship to blossom while he took the time to evaluate whether he still wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend. Patience is key.
Practicing the Rules isn’t easy! That’s why we need them. I’ve seen so many times when a woman has rushed a relationship that wasn’t supposed to be, got hurt in the process and wondered how things got to that point. In general, relationships take time to develop. Usually, it’s the woman who has to slow down the process in order to allow this to happen. Men are like kids in a candy store. They want it all now! I know it isn’t fair (life isn’t fair!) but if you want a long term rather than a short term relationship, this is what you may need to do.
And like my colleague, you may have to spend a lot of holidays alone because you have set your standards on a long term commitment rather than a one night affair. Trust me, we’ve all been there. But at least you’re spending it drama free. You’re taking the time to heal yourself from past relationships while also taking the time to think about what you want in the future. You’re pampering yourself and getting ready to meet Mr. Right! And planning to make the next holiday a shared one!
Friday, January 13, 2017
To this day, I am still amazed at how well the Rules work. Say what you want but time and time again the Rules tend to be right. I can’t make this stuff up folks! I like to first observe the beginning of relationships to see whether they start out “Rulesy”, then watch the relationship progress over time. If the beginning started out well, usually the relationship will continue on in that manner. If it didn’t, then that’s how the relationship will end too.
For example, he spots her across the room. He shyly walks over and says something to her. She blushes and the two start a conversation smiling the whole time. That’s a perfect beginning. Or on the other hand, she spots him, starts flirting with him to get his attention. He flirts with her to be nice to her. She walks over to him and gives him her phone number. He calls her 5 days later, finds her somewhat interesting but doesn’t think to call her back. However, she takes it upon herself to call again since he showed “some” interest towards her. She asks him out on a date. He reluctantly goes but checks his cell phone the whole night. Later, she learns he was checking his cell phone to see if his girlfriend had called.
Yup, that’s how it goes. And that’s why the Rules work so well. To help you avoid such catastrophes from happening in the first place. If she would have been more patient in this situation, she may have realized that he wasn’t that interested and been enjoying her time with someone else. The Rules’ authors say they wrote the book to help women avoid such pain in their lives. You got enough pain to deal with and man pain shouldn’t be one of them.
The Rules are great because in applying them, you get to weed out men who are just not that interested and that’s okay. They help you attract the men who are interested. What I’ve found is the more Rules you apply, the less likely you are to run into ineligible men and the more likely you are to attract eligible men suitable for dating.
But it’s not that easy getting off the phone when you really like someone. And having to end the date early when you’re in love is torture. But in the long run, it keeps a man anticipating the next time he sees you. It makes him want you even more. Patience is key. And pretty soon, you won’t have to end the date early because you’ll be married to him!
Don’t you want to be a Rules Girl!
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
So this morning I started thinking about what it would be like for a woman to say yes to every guy who asked her out on a date. I laughed because I said that girl would have the “it” factor. For many of us, we have so many restrictions about who we should go out on a date with that we end up home alone on a Saturday night wondering why we never get a date.
But the “it” girl knows that you need to kiss plenty of frogs to get to the prince. Now I’m sure Miss “It” isn’t exactly feeling all the guys she dates but the key here is that she is open to them. Her openness to the world is what makes her so attractive. In other words, she is not closed-minded and sees the date as a chance to explore her options. She’s just enjoying her time with a nice man who chose to take her out on a date.
You see, the reality is that we tend to jump past the date. Before we get to the date, we’re thinking about his shoe size, how much paper he got in his pocket, how tall he is, how many children he got, how many degrees, etc…etc. And all the guy did was ask us out on a date-not marry us!
So in getting back to my point, if you’ve been single for awhile, I challenge you to say yes to dates for 2017. I challenge you to go out on dates even with guys who don’t exactly match your criteria for dating. I know you wanted to find a tall, chocolate brother who looks like your father and the guy who asks you out is a short half black, half Puerto Rican guy, but let’s give him a chance anyway. Supposed he turns out to be the best thing that’s happened to you. You never know until you try.
Listen, I’m not here to convince you to change your preferences and criteria for dating. I’m just here to help challenge you to be more open to the possibilities that are out there. Every woman I know has her own special type of beauty and I guarantee you that there is a man somewhere who admires it. And no, he may not be her ideal match, but may be just what she needs to truly be happy.
Why not say yes to love?
P.S….by the way if you take this challenge…let me know what happens!….for safety measures please do meet in a public place…let your family and friends know where you’re going…and have fun!