Saturday, April 25, 2015

7 Points to Consider When Dating An Entrepreneur!

So you want to date an entrepreneur, huh?….then consider these 7 points first!

Ever since the hit show “Shark Tank” came on air, a TV show featuring aspiring entrepreneurs, people have begun to pursue their passion to become an entrepreneur.  Both young and old, rich and poor have set out to achieve the American dream.  Entrepreneurs are highly driven, super ambitious and very passionate about what they do and how they contribute to society.  To the average person, loving them can be very challenging, especially when you don’t understand their way of life.  To help guide you in this process, I will share with you a few insights into this world and how you may improve your chances of unlocking the key to their hearts.

Ever since I started my own business, dating has been challenging.  It’s become easier as I’ve grown in my craft but when I first started my business, dating took a back seat to everything else in my life.  My social life was non-existent, my friends barely saw me, and my family thought I was a foreigner.  But the vision for my life was clear and the only way I could accomplish my goals was to isolate myself from the world while I pursue my passion.

Becoming an entrepreneur is no doubt one of the toughest things a person will ever do in life.  There are no real vacations until you’re financially solid, you work 24/7 sometimes at the sacrifice of your family and everyone you meet becomes a potential client.  In other words, there are no “off” days.  When everyone is at home enjoying the holidays with their family, an entrepreneur may be taking emergency calls from their clients.

I share this with you because I want you to have a better understanding of the life of an entrepreneur.  You see, everyone wants to be an entrepreneur but doesn’t want to make the sacrifice to become one.  In other words, people want the freedom of entrepreneurship without all the work necessary to achieve that level of freedom.  Only the strong survive in this arena.  Successful entrepreneurs know how hard it takes to become successful and are willing to go that extra mile to achieve that success.  And if you want to date one, you had better be willing to go that extra mile too!

 From my observations of many entrepreneurs, I have come up with a list of 7 points to consider in your desire to date an entrepreneur or an aspiring one!

·         Quality Time (or lack thereof) – As an entrepreneur, you’re essentially on call 24/7 because your business is your baby.  You have to nurture it, care for it and maintain it.  When an entrepreneur is a little bit more seasoned, they’re able to devote more time to other things but in the beginning, it is a huge sacrifice of their personal time.  As someone who is inspired to date one, you have to be able to understand their drive and determination.  In general, I’ve seen fellow entrepreneurs end up with people who are also independent which allows them the space to pursue their dreams.  So you may want to consider either “having a life” yourself outside of dating the entrepreneur or explore options with someone who has more time to spend with you.

·         Financial Resources (or lack thereof) – In the entrepreneur’s world, we have a favorite saying, “closed mouths don’t get fed”.  Nowhere is that more true than in business ownership.  “Money talks…people listen”.  It’s quite different than a regular “9 to 5” job where you have stable pay on a weekly or monthly basis.  In the entrepreneur’s world, they must continue to make sales in order to have a thriving, profitable business.  So when you date an entrepreneur, you may experience a roller coaster ride when it comes to their income making it harder for them to date you consistently.  You know, one week they are living luxuriously and spending lots of money on you in 5 star restaurants and the next week, they are eating at McDonald’s or cooking low budget meals at home.

·         Being Highly Ambitious (the good…the bad…the ugly!) – Ambition is a key asset every entrepreneur must have in their repertoire.  You need to be able to believe the business can succeed.  You need to be a go-getter!  Most women love this quality in men, by the way!  But in my observations, this same asset can turn into a liability quickly when the entrepreneur starts to become unrealistic or a perfectionist.  And while this may be a key advantage in business, it may not be so great for the people they love.  Everyone they date has to measure up to their high standards and ideals.  No one is ever perfect in their eyes!  For someone who wants to date an entrepreneur, you may be judged according to their philosophy too!  

·         Dealing with endless rejection – Every successful entrepreneur knows rejection is just a part of the job.  Most of the offers you make, will not necessarily render a sale.  Seasoned entrepreneurs know this and accept it.  However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t’ still sting!  Over a period of time, rejection can get to you and damage your pride making you feel depressed.  When you’re dating an entrepreneur, you need to be fully supportive of them so that you can help them minimize this impact and help them focus on their goals and aspirations.

·         The Issue Of Depression – No one likes to talk about this but I’ve seen many entrepreneurs get depressed because of either a hostile client, they’re lacking the necessary financial resources or them not achieving the success that they had hoped.  There is no other time for the need of family and friends to support them than at this moment.  Just think about it.  An entrepreneur’s business is the result of “blood, sweat and tears”.  They give the business their all and expect it to prosper.  When it doesn’t, they feel like giving up and this is the time they need you.  In most entrepreneur’s eyes, going back to a “9 to 5” job is not an option which raises the stakes enormously and increases their chances of feeling depressed.  You are the one person who can give them hope and snap them out of their funk.  If you can do this while dating this person, you’re sure to be rewarded in the end.

·         Jealous of the other woman (the business!) – He or she isn’t devoting enough time to you because they’re always working.  They’re always on call.  They had to cancel the date with you because their client’s appointment ran over the time allotted.  It’s easy to get jealous when you don’t understand the lifestyle, the hustle and the grind upon which they have to endure to achieve success.  Listen, I’m not saying they shouldn’t make you a priority but you do need to be a little more flexible because they’re probably working hard to provide for their family (or future one with you!).  But don’t forget you have options too!  You have to decide if the person is really worth the wait and/or the sacrifice in time or whether you need to explore other alternatives.  I’m all about people making their dating lives a priority but when dating an entrepreneur, you have to realize that dating may not be their top priority at this time in their lives.

·         Fame, fortune and popularity – This is the result of all the hard work and sacrifice the entrepreneur has put into their business.  But to someone who is dating such a person, this can seem overwhelming and leave you with feelings of inferiority.  Just realize this is the culmination of all their dreams coming true.  Try to be happy for them at this moment in their lives.  Allow your mate to enjoy their newfound success but be careful of them making you an “afterthought”.  You know, some people let fame and fortune go to their head, get a big ego and forget who helped them rise to the top.  If you feel like is happening to you, then you may want to have a discussion with your partner while also re-evaluating whether this relationship is still the one for you.  On the other hand, if the relationship was a good one, your partner will certainly recognize your efforts in helping them and be happy to share the spotlight with you.

To summarize, dating an entrepreneur is not for the faint of heart.  It takes a strong person to endure the effort it takes to date one.  Whether it’s the quality of time spent together, the financial roller coaster ride, rejection, perfectionism, depression and even jealously of how much time they spend in their business.  The spouse of an entrepreneur needs to be independent, yet supportive and flexible in the relationship.  Not everyone is capable of having this type of relationship.  Yet, if you do decide to go this route, you won’t be sorry.  When you find entrepreneurs who are passionate about what they do, this often translates to every area of their lives, including the people in which they love and that could include you!

Thanks for reading

Please visit my website at for more information on our relationship coaching services and for a free 15 minute consultation.

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Saturday, April 4, 2015

Balancing Acts: When The Choice Between Career vs Family Is In Conflict

Is getting to the top really worth the sacrifice?

I find it to be a weird consequence that the people I meet around my age all have this same conflict.  They’re all wildly successful people in their respective careers yet all struggle to maintain decent relationships.  We seem to all want and desire the same things out of life including having a nice family and good income but yet seem so challenged when it comes to the work it takes to balance both sides of life.  So I wanted to take some time to explore what may be going on here.

This trend seems to be with men and women my own age, usually around their mid to late 30’s and 40’s.  We’re all products of the “divorce” generation or the time when divorce became popular, late 60’s to 70’s, so we’re keenly aware that if a marriage doesn’t work out, it’s time to hit the road Jack!  Yet, we also have a yearning to make the relationship work despite its misfortunes.

Interestingly enough, we’re all hopeless romantics hoping to meet the one (or the next one) who will sweep us off our feet and take us away to some unknown destination of blissful happiness.  We all seem to dream of having the house with the “white picket fence” along with 2 kids, a dog and a great career.  We still have images of our parents, on their good days, working together to raise a family while having to put food on the table.  In fact, most of us have all but practically buried any bad images of our parent’s relationship that may have been more than what we could handle at the time when we were growing up.

Yet, in the back of our mind, we still do remember the day dad decided he couldn’t take any more of raising a family and either left the house or turned to drugs or alcohol to escape the mundane routine.  And how mom, who either stayed at home to care for us or was forced to work a low wage job, had to somehow try to keep the family together as best she could without the help of her partner.  Even she might have turned to chemical substances from time to time to keep her sanity.  We were all too young and immature to understand why our parent’s marriages may not have seemed very happy or why at certain points in our young lives, we had to move back into grandma’s house, who we loved dearly, but made us have to adjust to a totally different lifestyle.

It’s the reason we work so hard to achieve our dreams and obtain the success we want in life.  Those images growing up of seeing mom and dad fighting makes us question whether marriage and family is truly worth the risk.  And then having seen mom sacrifice her dreams of getting an education to be a stay at home mom only to be left with a broken marriage, and then consequently having to start all over again to feed her kids, drives us to the compulsion to keep working even when it means sacrificing our own family values.  We still have the painful memories of what can happen when there is not enough money in the household so we bury our heads in our career hoping people will acknowledge us for the efforts we’ve put into it.

On the positive side, we’re also very aware that we have more of an opportunity to shatter the “glass ceiling” in our careers than our parents could have ever dreamed.  We want to build a legacy in our family so that our kids will never go hungry and always have something to work for and dream of in their lives.  We know there’s something more for us out there and we want to go and get it!

Yet, our families suffer because of it.  Our kids don’t understand having to work to pay bills and keep food on the table.  They only know the love we show them.  Our husbands and wives only know that at the end of the day, we’re not there for them and that hurts!  They may understand our hard fought work ethic but also know the emotional void they have in their hearts for us.

I follow many of the top leaders in my industry and most of them have been refreshingly honest about what it takes to get to the top.  They’ve all alluded to the fact that they may have had to sacrifice spending quality time in their marriage and with their kids to achieve their success.  Some of them have been divorced and others had forgone marriage life altogether.  They understand the sacrifice and are actually fine with it.  It’s what they want and choose for their lives.  Interestingly enough, we stigmatize those people who choose their career over having a family yet as a society we seem to reap and enjoy the benefits they’ve created through the sacrifices they’ve made for us. 

That’s why this is such a balancing act.  My generation knows the struggle it takes to get to the top and even make the world a better place and yet is torn apart by the sacrifice that has to be made to get there.  We’ve questioned it at least a dozen times.  What are we to do to be the kids our parents knew would succeed but also be the role models our own family needs to see at home?

Well, as a dating coach and a product of this generation, I can only offer you a few tips I’ve learned along the way.

·         You CAN have it all, just in moderation – I’ve read so many articles of women not being able to have it all but in my opinion, this is simply not true.  First, you have to define what it means to “have it all”.  For instance, everyone’s definition of having it all varies by individual.  My definition of having it all may be to have a simple job and go home to my family.  Her definition may be to be the CEO and send her kids to boarding school.  Secondly, having a promotion to VP or CEO is not for everyone, especially if family comes first for you.  Maybe a better aspiration would be to become head of your department first to see if you can take that level of responsibility and go from there.  Having it all can take on a number of different paths.  You’ll need to find the right one for you which can dictate how you will be able to achieve balance in other areas of your life.

·         Do make family time a priority – listen, your business and career will be here long after you’re dead and gone.  The people at your job will replace you – your family can not.  Your boss and co-workers may be at your funeral out of respect but may find it frivolous to be at your burial.

·         Find more ways to be flexible in your career – in today’s world, there are a plethora of “work from home” opportunities, entrepreneurial pursuits, shift work at your job, etc.  Most work places these days are more accepting of employees who want more of a “work life balance”.  You’ll just need to be brave enough to ask for and pursue those opportunities.  This is your life we’re talking about here!

·         Make time for yourself – In other words, have a life!  You’re not going to be any good to your family, work, etc if you’re constantly burned out from working 80 hours a week.  You can’t pour into other people when you don’t have anything left of yourself to pour!  Find time between your work and your family life to relax and meditate so you can be refreshed and ready to tackle the next challenge.

To sum up, I don’t think there are any easy answers to the balance between having a career and having a family.  If there were any easy answers, we would have done that and moved on!  But as a relationship coach having observed how other people have managed to balance their lives and been successful at it, I will say that moderating the way we “have it all”, making family time a priority, finding flexibility in your career and making time for yourself seems to be the best approach to achieve such a balance. 

And to my fellow peers who constantly struggle to get this thing right, just know that this is our opportunity to make the world a better place for the next generation.  And while this balancing act may seem challenging at times, it’s certainly not impossible. 

Thanks for reading

Please visit my website at for more information on our relationship coaching services and for a free 15 minute consultation.

Please also connect with us on Facebook