Sunday, July 20, 2014

Guys, Can We Bring Back Chivalry?


For opening doors, killing the creepy, crawly spiders, protecting us...we say thank you!

I can’t tell you how many seminars and workshops I attend where the topic of chivalry in dating comes up.  Usually, women complain there are no chivalrous men anymore and that chivalry is dead.  Men counter back and say if chivalry is dead, you killed it!  Back and forth we go as the battle of the sexes heats up!  No one wins the game of who is to blame and everybody suffers because of it.  Well, let me be the first to say they’re both right.  Chivalry has been dying a slow death and yes, women have a part to play in its passing. 

Now that I’ve got your attention, please allow me to explain my reasoning.  For years, men have been chivalrous towards women with just a hope or possibility of being able to spend time with the women they adore.  And women, for years have been accepting their chivalrous actions, sometimes without offering so much as a thank you for their kind gestures.  It’s no wonder men have started to revolt against women for taking them for granted.

For instance, I was listening to a sports radio DJ one day discussing how distraught he was with a woman who didn’t appreciate him for opening the door for her.  He was so disheartened that he started questioning himself for opening the door for her in the first place.  Most of the listeners called in to plead with him to continue to be chivalrous despite the attitude of this woman.  I really don’t think women realize the importance of such a gesture by a man because if they did they would appreciate them for doing so a lot more often.

As women, we must understand the importance of admiration and appreciation towards men.  It is like the butter and bread of their existence.  A man must feel needed and wanted to be able to continue to do the things that please women.  Women, on the other hand, must feel cherished and loved.  Men and women are simply different in the things we need from each other.  Once we respect those differences, we’ll learn how to respect each other.

You know, some of us as women have been hurt by men so much so that when we do meet a guy who offers a kind gesture, we don’t know what to do!  And others have become so bitter and hardened by life that we just simply forget that chivalrous men even exist.  But there are so many others of us out there that really do understand, admire and respect men who truly know how to treat a woman.      

So fellas, I know you’ve been hurt by women not appreciating you for the great things you do but please don’t give up on us.  We really do need you a LOT.  We love when you open the door for us, help us with our groceries, take out the garbage, lift heavy boxes, mow the lawn, shovel snow for us, kill the creepy crawly spiders, change the oil in our cars, listen to us go on and on and on about our inconsiderate bosses, and forgive us when we can’t tell the difference between a quarterback and a cornerback!

We admit that we forget about you sometimes but we promise to pay more attention to all the wonderful ways you treat us.  We admire your strength when we become weak ourselves and how you go out and fight in this cold world just to ensure your family has what it takes to survive.  You are our backbone and we wouldn’t exist (both literally and physically!) without you.  If we ever forget to say thank you, just know we didn’t mean it.  Just give us a little nudge and wake us up!

Thank You!

For more information on our services and upcoming workshops, please visit our website at www.liveloveaspire.com or contact us directly at info@liveloveaspire.com.

Coming soon!  Live Love Aspire Magazine!  If you would like to be included on our mailing list, please contact us at info@liveloveaspire.com.

 
 
 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Art of Femininity and Seduction Conference


We are hosting a workshop called “The Art of Femininity and Seduction” on September 13th at 10am – 2pm at the Wilde Lake Community Center in Columbia, MD and I’m excited to extend an invitation to the public to join us.  In this workshop we’ll be covering a variety of topics for women including how to enhance their femininity as women, attracting a quality mate or simply adding that “je nais se quoi” back into their relationship!  Whether single, married or engaged, we’ll take a break from our daily routines and explore our feminine wiles together.  There will also be fun activities, demonstrations and interesting discussions. 

Please check out our flyer below:

 

Tickets can be purchased using the link below:


 
Live Love Aspire

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

How To Maintain Your “Femme Fatale” While In Uniform


Men love women in uniform…but not if she acts and looks like a dude in it!

Men have long thought women in uniform to be sexy especially with the possibility of her toting a gun on her side (think Mr. and Mrs. Smith!).  Even the idea of her giving orders in an authoritarian way can present images to them of what she’s like in the bedroom!  However, many women that I have spoken to are not quite as bold and dramatic as that type of woman.  As a matter of fact, the ones I encounter want to exhibit more of their femininity or their softer side and express themselves more fully as women which they cannot do in their societal roles.

Specifically, I am referring to women in the military, police and fire departments, security guards, and other male dominated occupations.  Understandably, most of these occupations prohibit women from wearing what can be perceived as feminine clothing such as dresses or skirts, high heels and anything that could prevent them from doing their job well.  They want them to be the best at their jobs, especially when they are out saving people’s lives.  The thought is that how effective can you be when someone’s life is on the line while you’re fixing your skirt?

Now most of these women love their jobs or they wouldn’t have signed up for it.  For example, society doesn’t require women to join the military and she can leave when her time is up.  But they are passionate about what they do and can’t fathom leaving their careers.  They are the forgotten ones for whom society deems as heroes.  Their contributions to our society are enormous and they are the reason why we live freely and safe in our communities.  We appreciate them for all they do for us.

But working in these occupations comes at a price.  Eventually, they start to assume masculine traits prominent in those roles.  Police officers have to be decisive, authoritarian and dominant to be able to lead people to safety.  Have you ever heard of an indecisive police officer?  Military leaders have to be firm when giving orders to subordinates.  If you’re too soft spoken, you may lose respect of your command.  All of these traits play a factor in moving up the ranks in those careers.

So what’s a woman to do when she wants to maintain her position but still be viewed as a feminine woman?  Well, I’ve come up with a few helpful tips and guidance that may help you to maintain your “femme fatale.”

1.       Take note of your best feminine assets – Every woman is blessed with assets which are attractive to men.  Whether it is your bodacious bust, beautiful eyes, long lean legs, or beautiful lips.  Think about what men compliment you on the most when you are with them.  When you have identified your best assets, think about how you can enhance those assets to make them more noticeable to the opposite sex.  For example, if you have long legs and it is appropriate to wear skirts to work, try wearing more of them so men notice them more.  If you have beautiful lips, why not try wearing a really nice lip stick shade to bring more attention to them.  Hopefully, you get the point here.  You want to find your best features and make them shine appropriately.

2.       Include as many feminine elements to your wardrobe as possible, but still within the confines of what is appropriate in your role – This may be a challenge since most of these male oriented occupations have strict policies and procedures.  But I want you to try to “think outside the box”.  For example, if your job allows you to wear earrings and you do not wear them, start including them as part of your daily wardrobe.  It’s simple but it’s a start!  If you’re not a woman who wears make-up, try buying neutral shades of make-up which will give you a subtle, yet noticeable difference in your appearance.  Think about the shoes you wear.  Are they normally run down or worse, manly?  Consider finding shoes that are a bit more feminine (e.g., low heel, beautiful style, color, etc.).  Again, you’ll still have to abide by the rules yet be more creative to allow your femininity to shine.

3.       Maintain a beautiful hair-do and soft skin – I believe this may be an area where you have a little bit more flexibility.  Normally, these organizations are more lenient to a woman’s hair as long as it is neat and clean.  So why not try out a few hairstyles that work with your face.  I would seek out a great hairdresser for guidance on which cuts and styles make you look fabulous.  And always, have great hair.  Men love women with great hair so this should always be your staple for expressing your femininity.  Men know when a woman starts letting herself go, it’s usually apparent in her hair.

 

Also, we can’t forget about good skin care.  I think we’re all guilty of not maintaining our skin.  But men love soft skin.  And when you’re in a male dominated occupation, you’re probably using your hands a lot which can cause callouses or cause you to have manly hands.  Using the proper nourishing ingredients for your skin is crucial for you.  Make lotions, oils, astringents, cleansing scrubs a part of your daily routine.

4.       Pay attention to the sound of your voice – Men love the sound of a woman’s voice.  But, this is wear it gets tricky!  Police officers and military women have to be able to project their voice at times to maintain authority.  However, think about how you are using your voice.  If you have developed a trait of speaking too loudly at people, try to soften it while still making your point.  You can actually be soft spoken and people hear you if you are being articulate.  Record your voice to hear what it sounds like to other people.  Is it too abrasive?  Is it too deep?  If you were a man, would you be attracted to this person.  This will give you a chance to hear what other people hear when you speak to them.

5.       Pay attention to your movements – Okay, this is getting easier!  Most of the women I’ve observed in the military have developed an authoritarian walk, either by necessity or by being with men 24/7.  Observe yourself in a long mirror as you walk.  Would your walk be perceived as feminine?  You may even want to ask some of your best male friends how they perceive your walk?  Are they afraid of you when you walk (in a not so good way!)?  If so, try to change it.  You want to learn how to move with your hips.  Masculine walk is more mechanical-like where feminine walk is more of a glide.  It may be helpful to take yoga or dance classes to become more flexible and more in tune with your body.

6.       Maintain a pleasant attitude at all times – No one can control how pleasant you are towards other people.  There are no strict policies and procedures here.  As a matter of fact, it’s probably just the opposite.  The more pleasant you are, the better your chances of building stronger networks in your career and attracting men!  There is no better way to be feminine than maintaining a pleasant attitude.  Even if you’re in a masculine occupation, you can still shine as a woman by being pleasant towards other people.  If the job has made you a bitter, cynical person, change this persona immediately!  Think about things that make you grateful, like the lives you save and the people who need your help. 

In short, just because you wear a uniform does not mean you have to be a man in it.  You were hired as a woman so why not express yourself as one.  There are many ways to maintain your femininity such as identifying and enhancing your best feminine assets, including feminine elements in your total look, maintaining your hair and skin care regimen, paying attention to your voice and movements and just being pleasant to be around.  These are all ways you can still be feminine in your masculine role.  The bonus is that they are all ways to be attractive to men too!  Men secretly love this about us!  But most importantly, you’re being true to yourself and that’s the part that counts!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Long Hair Don’t Care…Think Again!


Is the length of your hair keeping you single?

Who could ever forget the actress Keri Russell (aka Felicity) and those lovely, long curly tresses as she played a “doey-eyed” freshman in college?  People didn’t just fall in love with her child-like innocence about love all while balancing the transition between leaving home and finding herself.  They fell in love with her hair.  Sure, we made the best of the new Felicity when she made the bold move of chopping it all off but just like her hair, viewers made a move of their own.  They stopped watching.  Yikes! 

Well, it’s safe to say Hollywood has learned from this cautionary tale.  I heard soon after this episode played out in real life they started writing contracts to actors and actresses which included how they should treat their hair.  But I’m sure both actors and especially actresses already knew the deal.  Your hair is an asset.  Even Nicole Kidman, who was featured on a Chanel No. 5 commercial with her golden tresses strolling down the red carpet, has yet to cut all her hair off as she knows how important it is to her career.

No offense to the feminists who burned their bra so we as women could be “free” but we as women know intrinsically that hair helps us score a few brownie points with the guys.  Even a “plain Jane” can be considered beautiful if she knows the right shampoo and conditioner to add volume and/or length to her hair mane.  Men have consistently voted hair as one of the top physical qualities they look for in a woman and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Why do men love long hair?  Aren’t we living in the millennium?  Well, yes but some things remain the same.  Men still have the image of the sexual goddess in the bedroom with her hair all disheveled after sex.  They still have the image of being able to pull on it or play with it, even if this simply isn’t true.  And for some of us, we are certainly not trying to have someone play in our hair once we just returned home from a visit to the hair stylist!

Below I’ve listed a few questions I get from my clients and tips I’ve offered to them regarding their hair:

1.       What should be my hair length? – Typically, I usually advise clients to grow their hair at least shoulder or neck length, if not longer.  The longer the better when you’re trying to attract men.  There’s a lot of styles you can wear from that length so you can switch it up occasionally if you get bored with one style.  There’s also hair pieces and extensions you can wear until your hair grows.  Don’t be afraid to experiment.

2.       What should I do about ethnic hair? - As an African American woman myself, I’ve had my hair curly, straightened, and even braided but I don’t receive nearly as much attention as I receive when it is long and straight.  Sure, guys think I’m cute when it’s curly but the courtship tends to end right there.  Although, I’ll admit I’ve seen some women with big, beautiful Afros that could put us long, hair sisters to shame. 

3.       Should older women wear their hair long? – Absolutely!  Men are men regardless of their age.  Older men still view women from the same eye with the exception that they are now looking for other, deeper qualities in a woman along with great hair.  Throw out the notion that you need to cut your hair once you are of a certain age.  It’s yesterday’s news!  Just make sure your hair is long and healthy.  As we grow older, our hairlines may start to thin and even recede at the crown of our head.  If you have to make a choice between length and volume, go for a classic style with a little body to complete the look.

4.       Does the color of your hair matter? – Yes!  My hairstylist wears some amazing colors everything from auburn to a bright, golden blonde in her hair.  However, everyone cannot wear those colors, including me!  I would check with a hairstylist who will be able to advise you on a great color for your hair.  However, I would stay away from unusual hair colors like purple or orange.  You want to attract men, not scare them away!  And if you are a mature woman of a certain age who has grey hair, don’t be afraid to wear it naturally.  I’ve seen some women who incorporate their grey hair right into their hair style and it looks wonderful.  Whereas others try to hide their grey, they embrace it!

So is the length of your hair keeping you single?  Well, maybe.  A “plain Jane” would certainly garner much more attention if she decided to add to the length of it.  And a woman over 30 who has no marriage proposals may suddenly become popular in the marriage arena once she decides to “let down her hair”.  Listen, I didn’t make the rules.  I just work with them.  If hair is what men like on us, why not let them have their way.  I like to make love, not war!  It’s a small price to pay for all the work they’ll have to do to keep us!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Should You Quit Your Job To Find Love?


Is Sacrificing Your Love Life For Your Career Really Worth it?  Let’s explore…

Let’s face it.  You’re single, over 35, and yearn to have a family of your own someday.  You start to feel guilty because you’ve worked so hard in college to get a top notch career only to find that this life isn’t quite what you wanted.  You’re lonely and the career doesn’t quite meet that need.  You know you’re perfectly happy being single but also know how much better it would be to find someone special.  Well, you’re not alone in your thoughts.  A lot of women are pondering this same issue.  Is this career really worth it?

When we look back in history, women have always been on the forefront making major contributions to society.  They have obtained a wide range of degrees lending their abilities to the areas of medicine, technology, education and business just to name a few.  They have even exceeded all expectations of graduating college and succeeded men in attendance at many of these colleges and universities.  It is no wonder that women nowadays are leading corporations.  Even men marvel at the wonders of women and their strength to succeed despite any obstacles.

But let’s not kid ourselves.  With all of this advancement comes sacrifice.  You sacrifice your love life for your career advancement.  Its fine when you’re younger but it comes at a price later on in life.  At first, you work endlessly to get the corner office.  Then you become the “employee of the month” and your boss can’t stop bragging about you.  You are the star of the show. 

Yet, you still come home to an empty house.  Only your cats can enjoy your well framed certificates hanging on the wall to signify all your hard work.  Your boss goes home to his wife and your administrative assistant could hardly care less about the job other than to support her kids.  They all have lives outside of the job.  They secretly pity you but enjoy reaping the benefits of your tireless efforts of working overtime or on the weekends to help “save the company”.

Now as depressing as this may sound, I don’t advocate quitting your job to find love (at least not right away!).  I would never advocate leaving a job but I’ve seen some women working countless hours at work only to come home to the comfort of their cats. 

So for those of you on the verge of either quitting your job to find love or buying new litter boxes for additional “family” members, I’ve listed a few points below to get you thinking in the right direction.

1.       What do you really want out of life?  It’s important for you to be clear on where you are right now and where you’re trying to go.  You are creating a blueprint for the direction of your life.  Visualize your life 10 years from now and what would make you happy.  This will help you to identify a path to leaving your job if that’s appropriate for you.

2.       What are the major obstacles stopping you from getting the love you want?  Maybe it’s not the job but how you manage the job that is stopping you from achieving your dreams.  Is it possible for you to re-arrange your schedule to be able to leave work at an appropriate time?  Is there a flexible working schedule that would be more appropriate for you?  How is my time management in general?  Do I feel it necessary to work weekends to cover up my sense of feeling lonely?  If quitting the job is not feasible, why not try online dating or hire a matchmaker to help you find the love you want?  These are just a few starter questions to ask yourself to uncover the real obstacles preventing you from finding love.

3.       How will my finances be affected if I am to quit my job?  This is a big one.  Leaving a job without having another one can really wreak havoc on your finances.  It’s still not that easy out there to find a job.  If you decide that the job is really the main cause of turmoil in your love life, then you’ll need to think about how you’ll be able to survive without having that source of income.

4.       Make an action plan NOW!  It’s far too complicated to just quit your job.  You need a plan of action.  Start saving your money and see how much it would take to live off of it for at least a year.  Taking a year off of work will give you a chance to breathe without the stresses of work obligations freeing you to meet people more easily.  Try to pay off your long term bills and debt so they’re not looming over your head.  This process isn’t easy but if this is your decision, make sure your plans are air-tight.

Finding love is one of the most challenging things in life, especially when you’re working long hours and weekends not having any time to find someone.  However, it is the most rewarding too.  Develop a plan of action and make it a priority.  In my line of work, I’ve seen people work themselves almost into the grave only to then discover the true meaning of life.  When I advise my clients about their work habits, I have to sadly remind them that all of their accolades won’t be written on their tombstone, their position can always be replaced and their co-workers may or may not be in attendance at their funeral, but your family, friends and loved ones will be there every time.  They can’t replace you, even if they tried.   

Food For Thought!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on June 21st in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Why Mate Guarding Makes Me Uneasy....


Seductive or Neurotic….

I love my sweetheart but he gets very protective of me with the prospect of other “sperm” nearby.  I see him turn into one of those apes in the jungle beating his chest whenever his woman is being hunted by another male.  To make matters worse, he has very intense eyes like an alpha male and will stalk another man in a minute if he thinks there is a possibility of him stealing his prey-me!

First, let’s define mate guarding.  Wikipedia defines mate guarding as “defensive behavioral trait that occurs in response to sperm competition; males try to prevent other males from approaching the female (and/or vice versa) thus preventing their mate from engaging in further copulations.”  Doesn’t that make you feel all woozy inside?  No wonder we females feel like a piece of meat.  That’s because we are!

Well, for me, it usually starts as an innocent smile or nod given by a guy I just met.  In return, I give him a meaningless smile back so I don’t come across as pretentious or worse, downright mean.  My sweetheart will see this exchange of gestures and will hunt the guy down with his intense eyes and broad chest to show who’s in charge until the guy doesn’t have any further interest in me.  Now just to make sure that the other guys in the room know whose woman I am-he gives them a stern look too!  And then when he’s won the battle, he looks back at me, smiles with his eyes, goes to his corner and rests. 

Now most women would be thrilled to have their man be protective over them.  But I get too embarrassed by the whole thing, particularly when I’m standing there watching him do it.  I start sweating profusely, my emotions become fully aroused, and I feel like I either want to pass out or have an orgasm!  On one hand, it makes me feel like I want to grab him and kiss him.  And on the other hand, I want to go run and hide out with the other little women until the battle is over between him and the other male apes. 

I’ll admit that at the end of the day I always feel special when he becomes so jealous over me with other men.  And it does seem to stimulate my senses to see two men who have nothing in common with each other “battle it out” to protect their prey.  I laugh when I think about how civilized and intellectual we are as human beings yet so primal in our biological responses to our environmental influences.  As women, we still want the “knight in shining armor” and men still want to protect their “damsel in distress”.  Men still like to pursue their prey and women still like this pursuit. 

I guess as a woman I’ll never fully grasp the concept of mate guarding and why, for years, men have resorted to this tactic whenever they feel threatened.  And of course, as you can tell, I’ll probably always have mixed emotions when it comes to them protecting any disruption to their “copulation”.  Still, there is something sexy and seductive about a man who will wage war against his competition and come out on top.  So maybe my uneasiness is in the seduction that it brings which is not really a bad thing!  Wink-Wink!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series is called “The Art of Femininity and Seduction” to be held on June 21st in Maryland.  Please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

The Art of Femininity and Seduction Workshop Series


 
Looking to enhance your femininity to catch the eye of that special someone?  Or maybe you just want to add the spark back into your relationship?  Well, this workshop is just for you.  First, we’ll teach you how to fully express yourself as a feminine woman so you begin to feel great about who you are as a woman.  Then we’ll go into our tips and secrets on how to attract a quality man into your life using your feminine wiles.  Finally, we’ll teach you how to have him so captivated with you that he will never want to leave home!  Doesn’t that sound great!  Don’t hesitate!  Please RSVP today with us!