I’ll admit I’ve been a little sad these days because of the shenanigans going on in Washington right now but I’m trying to push through it. Lord help us all! One of the ways I get through it is in writing about various topics including relationships on the meet up board or on my blog. Well last night, I had an interesting conversation with a colleague that I wanted to share with you. She was telling me how she met her beau. She said she met him at a relative’s party but that he had a girlfriend at the time. She said they stayed in contact but that was all to it. She said she didn’t think anything of it and moved on with life. Then she went on to say that one day he told her that he and his girlfriend had broken up. She said they started talking as friends and later he asked her to be his girlfriend. That was a few months ago and they're still going strong. That’s a great Rules beginning.
I then asked her what she thought his plans were for Valentine’s Day. She blew me away with her answer. She said, “Honestly, I’ve never really had a boyfriend on Valentine’s day”. I usually celebrate the day with everybody. But I know he has something planned, as she smiled about it. That’s a great sentiment to have about Valentine’s day.
Now just imagine if she would’ve rushed in this situation. I can tell you what could’ve happened. He may have not been over his ex-girlfriend and consequently, treated her like a side fling. Her patience enabled him to allow their friendship to blossom while he took the time to evaluate whether he still wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend. Patience is key.
Practicing the Rules isn’t easy! That’s why we need them. I’ve seen so many times when a woman has rushed a relationship that wasn’t supposed to be, got hurt in the process and wondered how things got to that point. In general, relationships take time to develop. Usually, it’s the woman who has to slow down the process in order to allow this to happen. Men are like kids in a candy store. They want it all now! I know it isn’t fair (life isn’t fair!) but if you want a long term rather than a short term relationship, this is what you may need to do.
And like my colleague, you may have to spend a lot of holidays alone because you have set your standards on a long term commitment rather than a one night affair. Trust me, we’ve all been there. But at least you’re spending it drama free. You’re taking the time to heal yourself from past relationships while also taking the time to think about what you want in the future. You’re pampering yourself and getting ready to meet Mr. Right! And planning to make the next holiday a shared one!
Friday, January 13, 2017
To this day, I am still amazed at how well the Rules work. Say what you want but time and time again the Rules tend to be right. I can’t make this stuff up folks! I like to first observe the beginning of relationships to see whether they start out “Rulesy”, then watch the relationship progress over time. If the beginning started out well, usually the relationship will continue on in that manner. If it didn’t, then that’s how the relationship will end too.
For example, he spots her across the room. He shyly walks over and says something to her. She blushes and the two start a conversation smiling the whole time. That’s a perfect beginning. Or on the other hand, she spots him, starts flirting with him to get his attention. He flirts with her to be nice to her. She walks over to him and gives him her phone number. He calls her 5 days later, finds her somewhat interesting but doesn’t think to call her back. However, she takes it upon herself to call again since he showed “some” interest towards her. She asks him out on a date. He reluctantly goes but checks his cell phone the whole night. Later, she learns he was checking his cell phone to see if his girlfriend had called.
Yup, that’s how it goes. And that’s why the Rules work so well. To help you avoid such catastrophes from happening in the first place. If she would have been more patient in this situation, she may have realized that he wasn’t that interested and been enjoying her time with someone else. The Rules’ authors say they wrote the book to help women avoid such pain in their lives. You got enough pain to deal with and man pain shouldn’t be one of them.
The Rules are great because in applying them, you get to weed out men who are just not that interested and that’s okay. They help you attract the men who are interested. What I’ve found is the more Rules you apply, the less likely you are to run into ineligible men and the more likely you are to attract eligible men suitable for dating.
But it’s not that easy getting off the phone when you really like someone. And having to end the date early when you’re in love is torture. But in the long run, it keeps a man anticipating the next time he sees you. It makes him want you even more. Patience is key. And pretty soon, you won’t have to end the date early because you’ll be married to him!
Don’t you want to be a Rules Girl!
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
So this morning I started thinking about what it would be like for a woman to say yes to every guy who asked her out on a date. I laughed because I said that girl would have the “it” factor. For many of us, we have so many restrictions about who we should go out on a date with that we end up home alone on a Saturday night wondering why we never get a date.
But the “it” girl knows that you need to kiss plenty of frogs to get to the prince. Now I’m sure Miss “It” isn’t exactly feeling all the guys she dates but the key here is that she is open to them. Her openness to the world is what makes her so attractive. In other words, she is not closed-minded and sees the date as a chance to explore her options. She’s just enjoying her time with a nice man who chose to take her out on a date.
You see, the reality is that we tend to jump past the date. Before we get to the date, we’re thinking about his shoe size, how much paper he got in his pocket, how tall he is, how many children he got, how many degrees, etc…etc. And all the guy did was ask us out on a date-not marry us!
So in getting back to my point, if you’ve been single for awhile, I challenge you to say yes to dates for 2017. I challenge you to go out on dates even with guys who don’t exactly match your criteria for dating. I know you wanted to find a tall, chocolate brother who looks like your father and the guy who asks you out is a short half black, half Puerto Rican guy, but let’s give him a chance anyway. Supposed he turns out to be the best thing that’s happened to you. You never know until you try.
Listen, I’m not here to convince you to change your preferences and criteria for dating. I’m just here to help challenge you to be more open to the possibilities that are out there. Every woman I know has her own special type of beauty and I guarantee you that there is a man somewhere who admires it. And no, he may not be her ideal match, but may be just what she needs to truly be happy.
Why not say yes to love?
P.S….by the way if you take this challenge…let me know what happens!….for safety measures please do meet in a public place…let your family and friends know where you’re going…and have fun!
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
I’ll admit working in retail is a lot like a roller coaster ride. One day is good and you’ve made your sales for the day. The next day you have an angry customer who believes they own your world because they bought a $25 shirt from your store. It’s quite hilarious when you think about it. I mean the people that come into the store on a daily basis range from crazy to plain nuts. And it can drive you insane if you allow it.
I’ve learned a lot about retail in the very short time that I’ve worked in this industry. First, the customer is always right, except when you’re tired after a long day and don’t care anymore. Two, when a staff member leaves, you have to pick up their hours. This can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on whether you need the extra money or would rather spend the time with your family because you’ve already put in enough hours. Third, materialism is real and America seriously has a debt problem! I’ve seen more credit cards decline then I care to see.
Let’s talk about the customer. Yeah, there are some crazy ones out there, for sure! You see everyone from the “Miss treat everyone like a low level servant” to “Miss I’d like to try on a thousand outfits and not buy one of them” to “Miss just let me try one more credit card!” Oh and yes men do the same thing but women are just more notorious for this in my opinion. But I’ve learned how to practice a little patience and self-restraint when it comes to dealing with these people. Oh and yes, humor in the stockroom with your staff is not a bad idea either!
Secondly, yeah, turnover in the retail industry is a mofo. It’s so bad that I don’t think half of these companies do a background check because they need people. People tend to leave all the time. I didn’t realize this because I only work retail part time to collect a few extra hours. But apparently this is a widely accepted thing. I guess this is okay but you really don’t get a chance to bond with the people you’re working with because they’re on to the next job. And guess who has to pick up the slack when they leave. You do! This is particularly true when you’re a new employee. I learned this the hard way!
Lastly, America has a serious problem with materialism. They want everything they see in sight but can’t afford half of it. If there is a sale for 50% off, they go for it regardless of whether the item is worth it. Some of those clothes (at least the ones in our store) aren’t worth $10 but because the company has already marked the item up so much and then discounted them down (what they called red-lined), the customers sees the percentage off sign and think they’ve got a steal. This works great for the retail industry who, by the way, gets these clothes made cheaply in another country, then ships them to America where they price it high and then discount it low to the customer while still retaining a huge profit of what the price in which the item is really worth.
And debt is no laughing matter. The amount of credit cards that I’ve seen declined is ridiculous. I don’t blame the customer though. You see, living in America we’re all like kids in a candy store. We can’t help control our urges. And we as women buy on our emotions making the situation worse. If we break up with our significant other, we go buy a sweater. And retail works in close partnership with the marketing industry to ensure they appeal to people’s emotions. For example, you break up with your boyfriend, a commercial comes on implying you get revenge on your ex by buying a thousand dollar pair of high heels. Well, when you’re sitting home alone while he or she is out on a date with someone new, guess what you’ll be going to do. Thus, leaving Americans financially in the hole. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That’s the American Dream! Gotta love it, right?
Friday, December 23, 2016
So I just recently signed on to work as a “Dear Abby” where I help to answer relationship questions for people by request. It’s been quite busy these days with the holidays approaching because who doesn’t want love for the holidays. Well, I really enjoy this job because I like helping people achieve their dreams of having a happy healthy relationship. Although I’ll admit at times, it can feel like I’m answering the same questions over and over again. And they’re mainly around women not having any control in their relationships.
Just the other day I was talking to one of my best girlfriends and she mentioned she had a new guy in her life. She seemed fairly happy with him and that everything seemed to be going okay. But then she mentioned he lives in another state and that she would go to see him often. I thought to myself, “Uh Oh!” I’m sure she noticed the hesitation in my voice so she re-assured me that it was fine because he’s been so busy with all of his work. I was like….okay? And you’re not busy with your work?
I simply made a suggestion that she gets him to come down and see her at least periodically rather than this being so lopsided. Well, my girlfriend has her pride and as women sometimes we don’t like receiving help when it comes to our love lives. Still, I tried to push her into not going to see him quite so often but I know this will fall on deaf ears.
I am also a landlord (yes, I have many jobs!) and one of my tenants just got a new “friend” (in her own words). Once in a while, I check in on her to make sure she’s okay, only to find her “friend” laid up on the couch chilling. In my mind, I’m thinking isn’t there something he could be doing for you besides eating up all your food. But I digress. It’s really none of my business. So I carry on watching her give her all to him and receiving nothing in return. She even takes out the trash while he plays video games!!
I’m just so sad to see women give so much to men with little to nothing in return. It continues to sadden me despite the many years I’ve been doing this thing. I keep hoping one day women will take their power back and reclaim their rightful place on the throne.
It does make me more appreciative of my own sweetheart for the wonderful things he does for me. When we first met, I cancelled on him several times before I said yes to him because I was so busy. And guess what? He re-arranged his own schedule just to be near me. I don’t mention this to brag but to explain why it is so important that women carry themselves as Queens. You see, men don’t value the things they don’t work hard for…which is why we have to keep them on their toes. Besides, do you want to be the one to get down on one knee? Case closed…
The more a woman gives her power over to a man, the more he takes it and runs. It’s not their fault. They like easy stuff. The easier the better for them. The relationship starts out really nice. Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out on a date. Date goes well and then boy asks her out the next day…”spontaneously”. Girl says yes then boy asks girl to “come over” the next day….girl then goes and abandons all of her plans for fear of not getting another date…. girl starts complaining boy doesn’t take her out anymore….but boy is fine with this and doesn’t know what her problem is…girl hits breaking point…and breaks up with boy….boy still scratching his head because he thought everything was going well…..the end!
And the cycle continues….
That’s why we ladies need structure…a guidepost for dating….if you haven’t read the Rules, I suggest you pick up a copy today!
Let’s make 2017 the year of great relationships!
Have a safe and happy holiday season!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
“An ounce of prevention is more than an ounce of cure”
It seems that over the past 10 years, chronic health related illnesses such as cancer, diabetes, heart disease, asthma, and even allergies have had a dramatically sharp increase in the number of people affected. Almost every day, you hear of someone who has cancer or is diabetic when this was virtually unheard of when I was growing up. I believe it’s because we’ve come away from the conscious society we once were to a society that embraces ignorant bliss when it comes to maintaining our health.
So what are the reasons for this increase in health related illnesses? First, more and more, we are embracing a more sedentary lifestyle. In other words, we are sitting more whereas years ago we were much more active. The average person sits for at least 4-5 hours a day non-stop without taking the time to stretch their limbs for movement. The average office worker may sit for more than 8 hours a day depending on their work schedule. And what’s worse, when they do finally get up which results in much needed movement for their bodies, they go and get something to eat that doesn’t have an else of the recommended daily nutrients the FDA requires to maintain good health.
Let’s move on the second reason people are experiencing more health related illness. Yes, you guessed it. They’re not eating healthy. There’s no way around it! Eating McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner is not exactly the healthiest thing you can eat daily for your health. There is a certain amount of protein, carbs and fats you need in your diet to help fight infection, bacteria and germs that lurks in our environment. You can’t escape toxins in the atmosphere but your body has a great mechanism to fight it once it knows it is a foreigner.
Finally, people are in what I term “ignorant bliss”. They either feel helpless or they, quite frankly, just don’t care. Taking care of their bodies is not enough of a priority until it really is… Let’s just be honest here. Maintaining good health is not all that easy. It means exercising at least 4-5 days a week. It includes watching what you put in your mouth every day. And it means prioritizing it among the thousand other responsibilities you have on your life. Most people just give up and hope for the best until it’s too late to ignore anymore.
People, let’s try to be more proactive! It doesn’t take a lot of effort in watching your daily diet. Yes, you may have to plan and put some thought into what you eat but isn’t this worth it? Isn’t it worth it to see your kids grow up? Isn’t it worth it to avoid constant doctor visits? I can only bet that the people lying in hospital beds right now due to health related illnesses would love to have the choices you have now. As the old saying goes, “an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.” Very true….
Thanks for reading!
Please contact me at email@example.com for more information on my health related coaching services.
“Are we living according to the purpose in which we were designed?”
Every now and then I stop and ask myself if what I’m doing is really helping to fulfill my purpose. So many times I see people go to work for a company they hate, do a job they hate and then go home and complain to their family and friends about the choices they’ve created for themselves. Eventually, they become stressed out and this starts to show physically in their bodies as well. I can’t help but to think this is not why we were put here on earth. You have a divine purpose for being here and being miserable is not one of them!
Well, let’s start with what is your divine purpose. Some also call this your “calling”. The thing in which you were called to do. It is the thing that gets you up in the morning. It is the thing you get passionate about whenever someone asks you about it. You light up. You smile whenever you are doing it. It’s different for everyone but the level of passion is the same. I can’t tell you what your purpose is but can tell you that there is a glow that radiates about you whenever you are living it.
Let’s dive a bit deeper! Usually, I find that a person’s real purpose in life is something they’re already doing. For example, I believe my divine purpose is to coach or teach people. I was already doing this with my co-workers while working my previous 9 to 5 corporate job. Whenever a co-worker had a problem, I was usually one of the first people they would turn to for help and resolution. I would talk to them as long as possible. And in turn, I was always the one to seek out a guru or elder to help me with difficult situations in my life. I found I enjoyed this experience, imparting wisdom from one person to another. It intrigued me and made me want to pay it forward and help others too.
If you’re still having difficulty finding your purpose. Think about what you would do even if you did not get paid to do it. This is usually the first clue to guide you towards your calling. For example, if you like to talk a lot, you may be great at teaching, coaching, consulting and anything that involves distributing a message to people. If you’re good with your hands, you may be great at massage therapy or healing arts. If you love mechanics, you may like dealing with cars or engines. As you can see, I can go on and on but I think you get the picture.
Take some time to reflect on what you love doing in your spare time. Continue to ask yourself “what gets you up in the morning or keeps you up at night?” That may give you a clue. Sometimes it takes a person years and years to find their purpose but when you do your whole life changes in an instant.
Good luck in your search!
Thanks for reading!
Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.