Sunday, June 23, 2013

30s And Beyond: Top 5 Places To Meet Great Men

Quality vs Quantity of Places Is Key for Dating At A Later Age

As a Dating and Relationship coach, my favorite question is ”where can i find good men?”  I have entertained this question many times and have found the real question to be ”where can I find a guy convenient to where I live and work within the time and distance requirements that I would prefer and who fits all of my criteria I have listed on my checklist?”  This may sound funny or sarcastic but generally this is the underlying intention behind the original question.  We have become such a ”microwavable” society that we expect things to happen at our own convenience and become frustrated when they don’t turn out that way.  I think that online dating, although very well intended, may have contributed to our sense of laziness making us want to have it all in finding a mate and not even having to get out of our comfort zone to find him.  Then when you couple this with being in your 30s and beyond and you have a recipe for being single for a very long time.

To help get us back on track for meeting people, I’ve decided to list my ultimate top 5 places to meet men offline.  There are literally hundreds of places I could mention here but I thought I would give you the best quality places I’ve found that people usually meet, particularly in your 30s and beyond.

 1.     Charities And Fundraising Events – This is the best way to meet people and one of the ways that is close to my heart.  Not only are you helping other people or serving the community for some worthy cause but you’re getting your face out there so men can see you.  If you don’t have any great ideas about charities to participate in or don’t know about any fundraising events, join a religious or community oriented group that has specific goals towards community outreach.  Even if you don’t meet a potential mate, you’ll feel better about yourself.  I believe when you are doing good for other people, God or the Universe will reward you accordingly.

2.     Salsa Dancing Or Partner Oriented Dances – This is one of my second best ways to meet people because men have to ask you to dance.  They have to make an effort to approach you, initiate conversation and escort you to the dance floor.  The other thing I love about partner oriented dances is that men generally have to take the lead.  This is a very romantic, yet traditional way of dating.  Not to mention salsa dancing is very sensual and sexy!  Why not put on a pretty dress, stick a flower in your hair, put on some cute shoes and shake your buns!
3.     Business Conferences/Seminars/Workshops – This is another great way to meet people because generally people come alone and will be more open minded to getting to know other people as compared to festivals or other events where they tend to travel in groups.  You also have common interests to share and discuss in between sessions.  One tip is to stay away from late night events where the men may get a little too frisky and you find yourself in a compromising position with someone you just met.
4.     Jobs Working With The Public – Why do you think so many celebrities, models, TV personalities and others working in the public get so many marriage proposals?  They are constantly in the spotlight working with the public.  They are visible to the public which generates potential admirers and fans.  Now you certainly don’t have to change jobs if you don’t work with the public but consider adding hobbies or activities that would put you front and center for people to see you.  For example, you could try hosting or promoting local events where your help would be appreciated.  You could try volunteering at your church to read the weekly announcements in front of the congregation.  Even becoming an expert in your field of work can get you potential radio or TV time to display your accomplishments. 

5.     Sporting Events – There is really no other place I can think of which increases your chances of meeting men more than at a sporting event.  If you’re not really into sports, try learning tennis or golf to see how it feels to play the sport.  Participating in a sport is really quite different from watching it on TV because you feel the intensity and the passion people have for it.  You begin to understand the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat which is the reason people watch sports in the first place.  You may also get a good work out in which increases your energy level for meeting that special someone.  If you could at least be open to learning about sports, I’m sure men would appreciate your efforts in the process.

As we grow older, meeting people can feel like a daunting process as we are not handed the same opportunities for meeting people as we were when we were in our teenage years.  Between family and work obligations, it can feel like a tedious task.  However, the rewards can be endless.  Just get clear on your intentions for a mate and align your expectations accordingly.  Then think about some of the ways I’ve mentioned above to meet men that would increase your visibility and would generate  interest from them.  Men are everywhere and if you are open to trying new activities to meet them, you should have no problems in finding them.

Please feel free to comment and let me know if you’ve tried any of the above ways to meet people and whether you were successful.  Please also feel free to add to this list of possibilities as well.

For more tips and related articles, please vist my blog at or for my dating and relationship coaching services, please visit my website at

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Should I Relocate To Find Love?

”Maybe the reason you’re still single is because of where you live”

Singles are often disillusioned when they find their prospects of finding a long term mate in their zip code area are not so plentiful.  They go out to local bars and single’s events hoping to find the man or woman of their dreams only to end up having spent a lot of time and money with no return on their investment.  As a result, they may become disappointed with the opposite sex or with the quality of life in that area.

Generally, singles tend to become lonely when they’re not connected to others through relationships.  Sure, you can always make connections through friendships, family relationships, work relationships, or other associations but there’s still that sense of longing to be with someone in a deeply, committed love relationship.  It’s really the emotional and physical intimacy they crave that they can’t get through any other type of connection which can lead to sadness and loneliness for them.

I hear women in major cities often complain about the ratio of women to men as the reason why they can’t find a man.  On the other hand, I hear men in small towns also complain about the lack of women in their area as the reason they can’t find a woman.  Statistically, their assessment may be true in some cases but there may be other reasons underlying their single status.

For example, sometimes it’s not the ratio at all but the culture in that enviroment which may not be conducive for dating, especially in urban cities where ”hooking up” is more normal than the actual process of going out on a date.  Or you may live in an area where it is normal for ”serial dating.”  In other words, singles who are ”serial daters” get together for single and group activities but have no desire for long term commitment.  These may not be the ideal places to live if you want to meet a man or woman who is ready to settle down or get married.

However, no matter what your situation is in your current environment, relocating to a different area can be a huge life transition.  Don’t even think of doing this until you at least have asked yourself the following questions to gain more clarity:

1.    What have I tried so far to find that ideal relationship?  What have others in my current area done to find their mate?  How would others perceive my efforts in this process?  You may want to evaluate whether you have exhausted all of your options for dating including going out to singles events, online dating, speed dating events, etc., to find love.  Dating can be a lot of work but the rewards pay off enormously once you find that special person.  Also, try to find out what others in your area have done to find their mate.  They may be helpful to you in identifying resources or alternative methods for dating that could lead you to that ideal mate without you ever having to relocate.

2.    Have I done my research on prospective singles in the area I choose to live?  If you do decide to relocate to another area, try to get connected to singles in that area to get their thoughts and opinions on the dating scene.  If you get a general mix of both positive and negative opinions that may actually be a good sign.  However, if you get a lot of complaints, you may need to do some further investigations as you may be leaving a bad situation going to a worse one.

3.    How challenging would it be to transition my employment to this new area (if necessary)?  It sounds adventurous to just take off and relocate to another city but if you get there and can’t get a job, you’re going to be in big trouble.  We’re still in a recession in some parts of the country.  If you leave your stable employment in one place to go to another one where there are no jobs even for degreed people, you will spend half your time looking for a job, rather than a wife or husband-the reason you wanted to relocate in the first place!

4.    What would it be like to be in a different city without the comfort and security of family and friends?  When we grow up in a certain area, we develop a safety net.  Our family and friends generally watch over us to ensure we are safe and support us when we need their help.  When you move to another city or state, you are essentially on your own.  Your family and friends are thousands of miles away by phone and will not be able to get there to you in any emergency.  For women, this is especially important to note as there are many men out there that may take advantage of a women who are new to an area.

5.    Have I visited the area enough times to be able to assess whether it is a good fit for me?  You won’t know what it feels like to live in an area until you have visited multiple times, perhaps even spending your entire vacation time there.  It’s not just about dating but also about being able to survive and flourish in the opportunities available in that area.  Additionally, check out the local crime statistics to determine its relative safety.  Then you’ll need to ask yourself is this the place where I can see myself living for an extended amount of time and be able to raise a family accordingly.

In general, finding love can be a challenging task and when there aren’t enough prospective singles in your area, it can be downright devastating.  When we believe we have exhausted all of our resources to find love, we may decide to to relocate to another zip code, city/state or even country.  If you do decide to take the plunge, you are taking several risks including losing your safety net of family and friends, an uncertain job status and even the uncertainty around finding someone there.  On the other hand, it can be very rewarding in that you learn about a new area, gain new friendships and partnerships, and hopefully find that special someone!  If you take the time to evaluate your goal and research your options to reach that goal, you should gain a clearer perspective on which way to go.  Good Luck! 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Secrets To Dating Like A Pageant Chick

The longest standing pageant in America is the Miss America pageant which began in the 1920s.  Growing up I would sit and watch the Miss America pageant with my family as we watched the girls model their swimsuits and evening gowns across the stage.  I can remember debating with my family which of the girls would win as the best contestant.  Through the years, there’s been a host of other pageants to come about such as the Miss USA pageant and countless others with young women hungry with the hope of wearing the crown.

What is it about pageantry that appeals to so many young women you might ask?  Well, other than the glitz and glamor of it, many women are transformed from ugly ducklings to beautiful swans right before the eyes of adoring fans.  What most people don’t realize is the amount of work that goes on behind the scenes in the tranformation process, which makes it so rewarding, and why you should want to try their tips in your own personal life as well.

Sure, you may not be a pageant girl but it may be fun to pretend and apply their style.  Here are the top 10 secrets to dating like a ”pageant chick.”  We’ll understand if you don’t want to share them with your BFF!

1.    Have A Bikini-Ready (or healthy) Body  There are many health benefits to eating right and working out that go far beyond pageantry or dating.  People tend to live longer when they eat nutritional meals and add a little exercise to their daily regimen.  Not to mention, men tend to be attracted to women who appear to be healthy, even if they’re not a size 4.  
2.    Have A Stylish Look For Your Hair – Add a little flair to your hairstyle whether it be a great color, cut, or add pieces to your hair that will give you the look you want for your date with that special guy.
3.    Have A Fun-loving Personality – Where do you think the term ”Miss Congeniality” came from?  It was created as a way to appreciate and reward the girl that was the most likeable and friendly in the competition.  A woman who appears to be likeable and having fun always wins dates.  Men love to be around women who won’t stress them out but cause them to feel good while he is with her.
4.    Find A Great Cause To Believe In – Many women are drawn into pageantry to promote and bring awareness to the causes they truly believe in for society.  For example, if you care about saving our planet, you could do research into local opportunities in which you could help.  Having a cause that you care about tends to make you more compassionate towards the needs of others and score you brownie points on dates.
5.    Develop A Great Talent – How many times have you been amazed by someone who gets on stage and moves you to tears with their extraordinary talent.  If you have an interesting talent that you think others will enjoy, try to develop that talent and showcase it to others.  Some people think it’s beauty that wins the heart of men, I would beg to differ.  I think a woman who has a special talent like the ability to sing like an angel can actually have much more of a chance.
6.    Have Great Posture – There’s something to be said about a woman who can stand tall with her back and shoulders straight and hold her head high.  It may be the underlying confidence assumed from her body language.  She commands respect (and usually gets it!).
7.    Whiten Your Teeth – Pageant girls should be camera ready at all times, particularly with that perfect smile.  Have you ever noticed the amount of time they have to smile on stage?  Now imagine if they hadn’t taken the time beforehand to whiten their teeth?  Exactly!  Whether you are on or off stage, having your teeth whitened can make a difference in the way you feel about your smile and the compliments you receive on your date.
8.    Know Your Colors – I learned this through working with an image consultant.  She says that a woman should know which colors match her skin and make her look her best.  One good tip to determine your best colors is the amount of compliments you get while wearing a certain shade.  For example, if people are always complimenting you when you wear a certain shade of red, pay attention, you may have your match.
9.    Be Well Versed In A Variety Of Subjects As a pageant girl, having to know some of everything has to be the most challenging task.  You never know what questions the judges will ask of you.  However, it’s also the most rewarding because it makes you more well-rounded.  This can apply for dating as well.  You certainly don’t have to study like a pageant girl but you should know a little about what’s going on in the world in case you’re out at an event or on a date and the subject seems to up.  No one wants to be seen as an ”air-head” so knowing a little about various subjects can go a long way.
10.  Have A Winning Attitude – Winning a pageant is the same as winning on a date.  When you believe you can, you will!  When you believe you will, you do!  If you walk into it with the right mindset, then you will come out of it as a winner, regardless of the outcome. 

As you can see, you certainly don’t have to be a ”pageant chick” in order to appreciate and apply these tips to your own lives.  You just need to be open to the possibilities.  Using a few of their secrets combined with a winning attitude towards life should get you the man of your dreams, or at the very minimum, lots of adoring fans!

If you’re interested in competing in a great pageant, please check out the Essence pageant at  Please contact Sue Drakeford (former Miss Nebraska USA), Founder & President for more information.

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at or inquire about my date coaching services at .