Sunday, June 16, 2013

Should I Relocate To Find Love?

”Maybe the reason you’re still single is because of where you live”

Singles are often disillusioned when they find their prospects of finding a long term mate in their zip code area are not so plentiful.  They go out to local bars and single’s events hoping to find the man or woman of their dreams only to end up having spent a lot of time and money with no return on their investment.  As a result, they may become disappointed with the opposite sex or with the quality of life in that area.

Generally, singles tend to become lonely when they’re not connected to others through relationships.  Sure, you can always make connections through friendships, family relationships, work relationships, or other associations but there’s still that sense of longing to be with someone in a deeply, committed love relationship.  It’s really the emotional and physical intimacy they crave that they can’t get through any other type of connection which can lead to sadness and loneliness for them.

I hear women in major cities often complain about the ratio of women to men as the reason why they can’t find a man.  On the other hand, I hear men in small towns also complain about the lack of women in their area as the reason they can’t find a woman.  Statistically, their assessment may be true in some cases but there may be other reasons underlying their single status.

For example, sometimes it’s not the ratio at all but the culture in that enviroment which may not be conducive for dating, especially in urban cities where ”hooking up” is more normal than the actual process of going out on a date.  Or you may live in an area where it is normal for ”serial dating.”  In other words, singles who are ”serial daters” get together for single and group activities but have no desire for long term commitment.  These may not be the ideal places to live if you want to meet a man or woman who is ready to settle down or get married.

However, no matter what your situation is in your current environment, relocating to a different area can be a huge life transition.  Don’t even think of doing this until you at least have asked yourself the following questions to gain more clarity:

1.    What have I tried so far to find that ideal relationship?  What have others in my current area done to find their mate?  How would others perceive my efforts in this process?  You may want to evaluate whether you have exhausted all of your options for dating including going out to singles events, online dating, speed dating events, etc., to find love.  Dating can be a lot of work but the rewards pay off enormously once you find that special person.  Also, try to find out what others in your area have done to find their mate.  They may be helpful to you in identifying resources or alternative methods for dating that could lead you to that ideal mate without you ever having to relocate.

2.    Have I done my research on prospective singles in the area I choose to live?  If you do decide to relocate to another area, try to get connected to singles in that area to get their thoughts and opinions on the dating scene.  If you get a general mix of both positive and negative opinions that may actually be a good sign.  However, if you get a lot of complaints, you may need to do some further investigations as you may be leaving a bad situation going to a worse one.

3.    How challenging would it be to transition my employment to this new area (if necessary)?  It sounds adventurous to just take off and relocate to another city but if you get there and can’t get a job, you’re going to be in big trouble.  We’re still in a recession in some parts of the country.  If you leave your stable employment in one place to go to another one where there are no jobs even for degreed people, you will spend half your time looking for a job, rather than a wife or husband-the reason you wanted to relocate in the first place!

4.    What would it be like to be in a different city without the comfort and security of family and friends?  When we grow up in a certain area, we develop a safety net.  Our family and friends generally watch over us to ensure we are safe and support us when we need their help.  When you move to another city or state, you are essentially on your own.  Your family and friends are thousands of miles away by phone and will not be able to get there to you in any emergency.  For women, this is especially important to note as there are many men out there that may take advantage of a women who are new to an area.

5.    Have I visited the area enough times to be able to assess whether it is a good fit for me?  You won’t know what it feels like to live in an area until you have visited multiple times, perhaps even spending your entire vacation time there.  It’s not just about dating but also about being able to survive and flourish in the opportunities available in that area.  Additionally, check out the local crime statistics to determine its relative safety.  Then you’ll need to ask yourself is this the place where I can see myself living for an extended amount of time and be able to raise a family accordingly.

In general, finding love can be a challenging task and when there aren’t enough prospective singles in your area, it can be downright devastating.  When we believe we have exhausted all of our resources to find love, we may decide to to relocate to another zip code, city/state or even country.  If you do decide to take the plunge, you are taking several risks including losing your safety net of family and friends, an uncertain job status and even the uncertainty around finding someone there.  On the other hand, it can be very rewarding in that you learn about a new area, gain new friendships and partnerships, and hopefully find that special someone!  If you take the time to evaluate your goal and research your options to reach that goal, you should gain a clearer perspective on which way to go.  Good Luck! 

1 comment:

  1. Hello dear! I just wanted to introduce myself and connect! My name is LaQuisha and I am Mrs. Maryland Essence. If you have time, please reach out! :)