Thursday, February 19, 2015

How Cooler Temperatures Can Also Cool Your Love Life

Your fingers and toes may not be the only things freezing this winter….your love life may be freezing too!

I must admit I never thought I would ever see temperatures in negative degrees in my lifetime.  This thought will be shattered in a matter of days as I watch the forecasts dip down past the single digits in the area where I live here in the Northeast.  It’s a sight for sore eyes as you watch people rushing to get indoors after running a few daily errands just so frostbite doesn’t catch up with them.  Meanwhile as we settle indoors from the freezing cold, we sit and watch the forecast for the other warm weather states like California and Florida where the day time high is well above freezing and start dreaming that we were living there!

Now for those of us who were born in cold weather climates, I’m here to say we don’t ever get used to it as some would think.  We just deal with it!  We’ve developed a certain level of resistance to it and resolve to work around it until spring and summer finally shows up.  I actually believe that’s why when I meet people who were born in colder climates, they appear to be much more resilient despite any obstacles they go through in life.  Perhaps the physiological effects of the temperature they were raised in hardens them and gives them a more protective shell to be able to withstand the challenges in life.      

From my observations and experiences in meeting people from across the country, when I meet people from warm weather climates, they appear friendlier, hospitable and interesting enough, warmer which is conducive to dating and finding love.  Whereas people from cold weather climates tend to be more reserved, less open and more critical in their approach towards life which is hardly a winning attitude in terms of having a successful love life.  Now please do not misunderstand me.  Of course, this is all relative and people have their own unique and individual personalities.  But I think there is something to be said about the two categories of people.

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration states that people subjected to cold environments are at the risk of cold stress.  It states that “most of the body's energy is used to keep the internal core temperature warm. Over time, the body will begin to shift blood flow from the extremities (hands, feet, arms, and legs) and outer skin to the core (chest and abdomen). This shift allows the exposed skin and the extremities to cool rapidly and increases the risk of frostbite and hypothermia.”  Yikes!  This may explain the attitudes of many who live in colder climates as opposed to those in warmer climates.  The physiological stress placed on their bodies probably also causes them mental stress in having to deal with loved ones as well.  In other words, who wants to be friendly when you’re freezing half to death!

According to, there’s been studies around the effects of the winter months and depression.  Researches use the term “seasonal affective disorder” to explain this phenomenon.  The verdict is still out on whether it is a real disorder but they do stay when research participants are exposed to brighter, warmer temperatures, they get better.  This may explain why we may feel like we want to hibernate in the wintertime and feel extremely flirtatious in the summertime!

Nevertheless, love shouldn’t be swayed by the temperature outdoors, unless your love life wasn’t strong after all.  Sure, it may have a cooling off period, especially when we’re stuck indoors for a long amount of time due to the snow or extremely frigid temperatures.  But this could also be a chance for us to rejuvenate ourselves and soothe our relationships with our partners.  Maybe mother nature is slowing us down so we can take care of ourselves and the only way she can do this is to cool us off every once in a while.  Soon the winter months are over and the spring and summer months begin bringing us the warmth and sunlight that we need.  Let’s just be careful not to complain about the heat then, okay?

Thanks for reading!

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Sunday, February 8, 2015

Am I Wrong For Being A Hopeless Romantic?

Classic love stories…sappy love songs…you know who you are….come on in…we’re here for you!

I love bright dainty dresses, wear heels when I can and jewelry is a must wherever I go.  I’ve watched “Pride and Prejudice” a dozen times, “Gone with the Wind” even more and “Love Jones” was my national anthem.  I sing lots of sappy love songs and my heart melts for people who are poetic.  I follow the planets and the stars in the sky for love religiously and believe in a higher power to bring two people who are “meant to be” into existence.  Hi…they call me love and I’m a hopeless romantic.

So what defines hopeless romantics?  You know there’s a hopeful, wistful quality about these people that makes them both alluring and attractive to others.  They believe in the impossible and chase their romantic ideals with fervor.  There’s a spiritual quality to them.  They may even look “doe-eyed” at times.  It’s just their view of the world through rosy colored glasses.

Their spiritual qualities are what keeps them looking up and having hope that love is out there somewhere waiting for them.  That perfect partner exists and they won’t stop until they find him.  Through their own viewpoint, the world is perfect and love makes us whole.  Falling in love is divine, even mystical.  The “knight in shining armor” comes to their rescue and rides off into the sunset.  There’s this deep, pure longing to bond with another soul in an unknown territory that inspires them.

Their naivety makes us all want to protect them from the cruel world.  Remember Marilyn Monroe had this na├»ve quality to her which made her so attractive.  Her innocence and romantic ideals attracted both men and women.  Even in her clumsiness (picture her in the infamous white dress) and off screen affairs, the world still embraced her as the hopeless romantic that she was both on and off screen.

But reality can deal a harsh blow.  It’s like the “pot of gold” they saw at the end of the rainbow suddenly moved.  Their “perfect” partner isn’t quite what they had envisioned anymore.  They gave their all to the relationship but got less than what was given.  They have to accept the ugly realities of a relationship.  Their partner is not quite so “perfect” and never was “perfect”.  Their illusion of the ideal relationship has ended.

But is being a hopeless romantic such a bad thing?  Absolutely not!  But we as hopeless romantics must accept the reality of relationships.  When two people come together, it is an opportunity for them to grow as individuals through that partnership.  Maybe that relationship was meant for you to heal a part of you that had been deeply hurt and buried.  We see ourselves through the eyes of other people.  We mirror other people what we see in ourselves.

As hopeless romantics, we must remember that people have their shortcomings.  And no one person can fulfill you entirely so you must find other ways that will help you to channel your energy.  One way I find helpful is to find creative outlets to express your abilities.  Arts and entertainment are a great way to channel our talents and abilities so that we’re not focusing too much on one individual person and perhaps their flaws but rather on positive things like sharing our own unique talents with the world.  It takes the pressure off of the relationship and on to something more fulfilling.  Lots of poets, singers, and writers use creative arts as a way to escape the harsh realities of the world but in a more meaningful way.

You may also want to engage in philanthropic activities including charities and fundraisers that help you to direct your energy to worthwhile causes.  Again, this takes a lot of pressure and focus off of your partner allowing your relationship to breathe and grow while you focus on another part of you that is yearning to be pleased.  I think you’ll find these activities to be both spiritually satisfying and rewarding as you are helping others with your special gifts.

In short, the world needs our hopeless romantic qualities.  Where would they be without us?  We make the world a better, richer and more vibrant place.  We bring arts, poetry, compassion and all things mystical and romantic into existence.  We help people escape their everyday world to enter a world full of joy and happiness.  The lesson here is that you’re not wrong for being a hopeless romantic but you must learn to use your energy in more creative ways so you can then enjoy your relationships without any added stress.  Not only will you be more fulfilled individually but your relationships will be that much more pleasant.

Thanks for reading!

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