Sunday, June 22, 2014

Long Hair Don’t Care…Think Again!

Is the length of your hair keeping you single?

Who could ever forget the actress Keri Russell (aka Felicity) and those lovely, long curly tresses as she played a “doey-eyed” freshman in college?  People didn’t just fall in love with her child-like innocence about love all while balancing the transition between leaving home and finding herself.  They fell in love with her hair.  Sure, we made the best of the new Felicity when she made the bold move of chopping it all off but just like her hair, viewers made a move of their own.  They stopped watching.  Yikes! 

Well, it’s safe to say Hollywood has learned from this cautionary tale.  I heard soon after this episode played out in real life they started writing contracts to actors and actresses which included how they should treat their hair.  But I’m sure both actors and especially actresses already knew the deal.  Your hair is an asset.  Even Nicole Kidman, who was featured on a Chanel No. 5 commercial with her golden tresses strolling down the red carpet, has yet to cut all her hair off as she knows how important it is to her career.

No offense to the feminists who burned their bra so we as women could be “free” but we as women know intrinsically that hair helps us score a few brownie points with the guys.  Even a “plain Jane” can be considered beautiful if she knows the right shampoo and conditioner to add volume and/or length to her hair mane.  Men have consistently voted hair as one of the top physical qualities they look for in a woman and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Why do men love long hair?  Aren’t we living in the millennium?  Well, yes but some things remain the same.  Men still have the image of the sexual goddess in the bedroom with her hair all disheveled after sex.  They still have the image of being able to pull on it or play with it, even if this simply isn’t true.  And for some of us, we are certainly not trying to have someone play in our hair once we just returned home from a visit to the hair stylist!

Below I’ve listed a few questions I get from my clients and tips I’ve offered to them regarding their hair:

1.       What should be my hair length? – Typically, I usually advise clients to grow their hair at least shoulder or neck length, if not longer.  The longer the better when you’re trying to attract men.  There’s a lot of styles you can wear from that length so you can switch it up occasionally if you get bored with one style.  There’s also hair pieces and extensions you can wear until your hair grows.  Don’t be afraid to experiment.

2.       What should I do about ethnic hair? - As an African American woman myself, I’ve had my hair curly, straightened, and even braided but I don’t receive nearly as much attention as I receive when it is long and straight.  Sure, guys think I’m cute when it’s curly but the courtship tends to end right there.  Although, I’ll admit I’ve seen some women with big, beautiful Afros that could put us long, hair sisters to shame. 

3.       Should older women wear their hair long? – Absolutely!  Men are men regardless of their age.  Older men still view women from the same eye with the exception that they are now looking for other, deeper qualities in a woman along with great hair.  Throw out the notion that you need to cut your hair once you are of a certain age.  It’s yesterday’s news!  Just make sure your hair is long and healthy.  As we grow older, our hairlines may start to thin and even recede at the crown of our head.  If you have to make a choice between length and volume, go for a classic style with a little body to complete the look.

4.       Does the color of your hair matter? – Yes!  My hairstylist wears some amazing colors everything from auburn to a bright, golden blonde in her hair.  However, everyone cannot wear those colors, including me!  I would check with a hairstylist who will be able to advise you on a great color for your hair.  However, I would stay away from unusual hair colors like purple or orange.  You want to attract men, not scare them away!  And if you are a mature woman of a certain age who has grey hair, don’t be afraid to wear it naturally.  I’ve seen some women who incorporate their grey hair right into their hair style and it looks wonderful.  Whereas others try to hide their grey, they embrace it!

So is the length of your hair keeping you single?  Well, maybe.  A “plain Jane” would certainly garner much more attention if she decided to add to the length of it.  And a woman over 30 who has no marriage proposals may suddenly become popular in the marriage arena once she decides to “let down her hair”.  Listen, I didn’t make the rules.  I just work with them.  If hair is what men like on us, why not let them have their way.  I like to make love, not war!  It’s a small price to pay for all the work they’ll have to do to keep us!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at 

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