Monday, May 5, 2014

The Dance of the Courtship

He took the lead….and she happily followed!

He sees this beautiful woman standing in a crowded café waiting to get served.  He approaches her with the anticipation of a school boy hoping she will go out with him or at least give him a few minutes of her time.  Finally, he takes a breath and asks for her name.  Demurely, she looks at him, smiles and it feels like time has stopped in its tracks.  Everyone in the café seems to disappear as they stand staring into each other’s eyes and awakening each other’s hearts.

The courtship process is full of twists and turns while two people dance to the same rhythmic beat.  The start of the romance is the happiest, most exciting time when the couple anticipates the pleasure of being with the other person.  Physically, our hormones become activated signaling the mating process and emotionally our hearts become enmeshed with the other person. There is just this great adrenaline rush that comes over us that we tend to forget about everything else in life.  If you’ve ever been in love and seen two people in love, then you know that life becomes much more interesting during this time.

Most of us love the courtship, particularly when the romance is enriching and fulfilling for our lives. However, we just don’t know how to finely “walk the tightrope” so that we don’t overwhelm and annoy the other person.  Courtship is a dance that has to be carefully maneuvered at every turn.  Every move counts.  Every gesture made and every word spoken has an implication for the dance.  Our partner has to respond in kind or else the courtship dies.  It takes two to tango and if one person becomes uninterested, then the courtship is over.  And this is where most of us get stuck.

Courting, in and of itself, should be a very natural process for us.  I believe we have made this dance very complex by not following the rules and protocols already set up for our success by nature (or grandma!).  We’ve tried to take control over our partner’s life to get them to do what we want them to do which never really works!  We begin the dance as a couple and end it with one partner screaming in the other partner’s ear telling them what to do and wonder where our romance has gone. 

However, when we allow the process to work naturally taking care to respect and understand the other person’s feelings whether we like them or not, the dance always seems to work out in our favor.  Our partners feel free to be themselves and we get to have a partner fully committed to us.  We get to maintain our own sense of independence in our dance and allow our partners to do the same making our dance more enjoyable.  How cool is that?

In short, courtship can be one of the most enjoyable experiences when we give our partners the respect they deserve from us.  We allow them the space to dance and make their own decisions whether to respond to our moves or choose another dance partner.  And we allow ourselves the chance to maintain our own sense of independence and identity so that no matter what happens throughout the dance, we still come out of it with a greater sense of inspiration and transformation. 

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at

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