Sunday, April 20, 2014

The Case of the Ex

Does the mother of his kids want him back?

So you finally met someone who could potentially be the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life?  He’s kind, hard-working and very family-oriented.  When you’re with him it feels like you’re in heaven.  Your family loves him and you absolutely adore his kids.  Life seems perfect between you two and the relationship is going in the right direction.  With the exception of one thing.  His kid’s mother has been driving you crazy and the thought crosses your mind….does she want him back?

Well, relationships can be wonderful in the beginning.  But all relationships go through changes and you never know when one partner may decide to end the relationship and leave the nest.  It’s even worse when kids are involved because not only are you dealing with the pain of the breakup but also the responsibility of raising a child.  Now add to the mix, the idea that your ex-lover has fallen in love with someone else and you can only imagine the hurt and pain involved in the heart of the one left behind who has to deal with those feelings, usually the ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.

Now let’s think about this for a minute.  The mother of his kids was once in your shoes.  Whether she was married or not, her greatest pride probably came from her family.  As women, we grow up with the image of having a husband, kids and a house with a white picket fence to home to at the end of the day.  She no longer has that picture.  Her picture is broken.  Her only image is one of seeing him pick up his kids on the weekends and driving away with half of her family.

Now if he never married her, this can be even worse.  They never completed the journey.  She never got a chance to show off her ring to her girlfriends or walk down the aisle in front of her family and friends.  Sure, she has his kids but you have a chance of being his wife and living the life she never lived.  That would drive anyone crazy!

So does she want him back?  Well, it really depends.  It depends on whether they did complete the journey into marriage.  If so, I would say there is a good likelihood that they are just good friends for the sake of the kids.  Usually, once you’ve been married and divorced to someone, you’re more likely to want to move on with life.  That journey is complete.

But if they never married, there is a real possibility that they may want to continue what they started to have a chance at creating a happy family for the kids.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  It could very well be over between him and his ex but I have seen many instances of reconciliation between past lovers, even when they had proclaimed to have moved on with other people. 

My advice to you in this situation is to tread lightly.  It’s better to sit back and make observations, not accusations.  You don’t want to make false accusations when nothing is really going on between him and his ex, outside of the kids.  Your intuition is key here.  You’ll know in your heart if something is really going on.  You’ll just need the facts to back it up.  If there is something going on between him and his ex, then you’ll need to address it with him immediately as that affects your relationship with him too.

In short, I think we’ve all had to deal with an ex from our significant other’s past relationship, either directly or indirectly.  And there is always a chance for an old flame to be rekindled as we are only human.  You know, an old song plays on the radio, an old family album is found or a letter from a past lover reminds you of the way things used to be.  It’s impossible for us not to feel anything in these situations because our hearts go where it wants to. 

However, as the new woman in his life, you represent hope and new possibilities.  You represent a fresh start to life.  Maybe when he was with her, he wasn’t ready to be a father or a husband.  You represent someone who he can start over with and redeem himself.  While there may be a possibility of him going back to her, there’s an even greater possibility of happiness moving on with you.  And if you play your cards right, then he’ll never have to look back again!

Good Luck!

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