Why Mate Guarding Makes Me Uneasy....

Seductive or Neurotic….

I love my sweetheart but he gets very protective of me with the prospect of other “sperm” nearby.  I see him turn into one of those apes in the jungle beating his chest whenever his woman is being hunted by another male.  To make matters worse, he has very intense eyes like an alpha male and will stalk another man in a minute if he thinks there is a possibility of him stealing his prey-me!

First, let’s define mate guarding.  Wikipedia defines mate guarding as “defensive behavioral trait that occurs in response to sperm competition; males try to prevent other males from approaching the female (and/or vice versa) thus preventing their mate from engaging in further copulations.”  Doesn’t that make you feel all woozy inside?  No wonder we females feel like a piece of meat.  That’s because we are!

Well, for me, it usually starts as an innocent smile or nod given by a guy I just met.  In return, I give him a meaningless smile back so I don’t come across as pretentious or worse, downright mean.  My sweetheart will see this exchange of gestures and will hunt the guy down with his intense eyes and broad chest to show who’s in charge until the guy doesn’t have any further interest in me.  Now just to make sure that the other guys in the room know whose woman I am-he gives them a stern look too!  And then when he’s won the battle, he looks back at me, smiles with his eyes, goes to his corner and rests. 

Now most women would be thrilled to have their man be protective over them.  But I get too embarrassed by the whole thing, particularly when I’m standing there watching him do it.  I start sweating profusely, my emotions become fully aroused, and I feel like I either want to pass out or have an orgasm!  On one hand, it makes me feel like I want to grab him and kiss him.  And on the other hand, I want to go run and hide out with the other little women until the battle is over between him and the other male apes. 

I’ll admit that at the end of the day I always feel special when he becomes so jealous over me with other men.  And it does seem to stimulate my senses to see two men who have nothing in common with each other “battle it out” to protect their prey.  I laugh when I think about how civilized and intellectual we are as human beings yet so primal in our biological responses to our environmental influences.  As women, we still want the “knight in shining armor” and men still want to protect their “damsel in distress”.  Men still like to pursue their prey and women still like this pursuit. 

I guess as a woman I’ll never fully grasp the concept of mate guarding and why, for years, men have resorted to this tactic whenever they feel threatened.  And of course, as you can tell, I’ll probably always have mixed emotions when it comes to them protecting any disruption to their “copulation”.  Still, there is something sexy and seductive about a man who will wage war against his competition and come out on top.  So maybe my uneasiness is in the seduction that it brings which is not really a bad thing!  Wink-Wink!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series is called “The Art of Femininity and Seduction” to be held on June 21^st in Maryland.  Please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

The Art of Femininity and Seduction Workshop Series

 

Looking to enhance your femininity to catch the eye of that special someone?  Or maybe you just want to add the spark back into your relationship?  Well, this workshop is just for you.  First, we’ll teach you how to fully express yourself as a feminine woman so you begin to feel great about who you are as a woman.  Then we’ll go into our tips and secrets on how to attract a quality man into your life using your feminine wiles.  Finally, we’ll teach you how to have him so captivated with you that he will never want to leave home!  Doesn’t that sound great!  Don’t hesitate!  Please RSVP today with us!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-art-of-femininity-and-seduction-tickets-11651155921

Battle of the Sexes….Or Is It?

You say I love you hoping he’ll say it back….then he goes and washes the dishes!

As if you didn’t already know it, men and women are completely different from us when it comes to relationships.  I know as women we wish this weren’t the case but the reality is that they are quite different.  This may actually be a good thing.  How would you like to date yourself?  Exactly my point.  Let’s explore more in depth how they are different and how we can bring both sexes together to embrace these differences.

Women are very nurturing and caring people.  We are blessed with these abilities to be able to raise and take care of our children.  From the moment a woman is pregnant with her baby, her nurturing instincts start to kick in for her child.  Or even if a woman isn’t interested in having children, she will usually put that energy into her family or personal relationships.  There’s just some things that I believe women are much better at doing although I do acknowledge the efforts of modern day men who have come full circle in embracing their feminine, nurturing side as well.

It’s not to say men aren’t very nurturing and caring people too but it’s usually not their main motivation or goal in life.  They go through life wanting to win battles, slay dragons, and save the damsel in distress.  They feel fulfilled when they are out solving problems or taking care of the household financially.  Even to the point of fixing things around the house so the family can live better.  That’s how they show their love.  They try to make it easier for the women they love the most in their lives and the family they cherish.  The only catch is they don’t always communicate what they are doing and why they are doing it causing women to feel frustrated. 

On the other hand, women want better communication with men.  They want to talk about their feelings.  They want to hear men say “I love you” or “I need you”.  But men say this with their actions.  And that’s why there is such a “battle of the sexes”.  We really do love each other but we have to find an “intersection” in our communication styles where we can hear what the other person is saying in their native tongue.

But let’s try this.  The next time your man does something as simple as opening the door for you or maybe more complex as changing the oil in your car so you can get to work, show him you appreciate him by saying something as simple as “thank you baby”.  Seriously.  It’s really that easy.  He’s saying I love you enough to do this for you.  You’re saying I love you enough to say thank you and appreciate you for being the man in my life.  Believe me….he’ll thank you later for it!

Now I do realize that the battle of the sexes is far more complex than I’ve just described but it has to start somewhere.  And interestingly enough, when men are appreciated for the little things they’ve done, they’ll not only start showing you how much they care more but also begin communicating their feelings as well.  It’s always amazing how much more open men feel to express their feelings when a woman has done her part to help him feel at ease around her.

I should also mention that this works in the reverse as well.  If your man does nothing for you and you are wondering whether he still cares or is interested in you, you should be taking notes.  This isn’t a good sign.  Again, men speak through their actions.  If his actions are telling you he isn’t interested anymore, that may be your cue to move on or change the course of direction in your relationship. 

To recap, the battle of the sexes will always be around as long as we fail to ignore the differences between men and women.  We as women love to communicate our feelings but need to be mindful of the fact that men are different from us and communicate their feelings through their actions.  If he isn’t showing you he cares, then he probably doesn’t.  On the other hand, if he is showing you he cares every chance he gets, he’s a keeper.  And if you play your cards right, you’ll get to keep him for life.

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams

The Dance of the Courtship

He took the lead….and she happily followed!

He sees this beautiful woman standing in a crowded café waiting to get served.  He approaches her with the anticipation of a school boy hoping she will go out with him or at least give him a few minutes of her time.  Finally, he takes a breath and asks for her name.  Demurely, she looks at him, smiles and it feels like time has stopped in its tracks.  Everyone in the café seems to disappear as they stand staring into each other’s eyes and awakening each other’s hearts.

The courtship process is full of twists and turns while two people dance to the same rhythmic beat.  The start of the romance is the happiest, most exciting time when the couple anticipates the pleasure of being with the other person.  Physically, our hormones become activated signaling the mating process and emotionally our hearts become enmeshed with the other person. There is just this great adrenaline rush that comes over us that we tend to forget about everything else in life.  If you’ve ever been in love and seen two people in love, then you know that life becomes much more interesting during this time.

Most of us love the courtship, particularly when the romance is enriching and fulfilling for our lives. However, we just don’t know how to finely “walk the tightrope” so that we don’t overwhelm and annoy the other person.  Courtship is a dance that has to be carefully maneuvered at every turn.  Every move counts.  Every gesture made and every word spoken has an implication for the dance.  Our partner has to respond in kind or else the courtship dies.  It takes two to tango and if one person becomes uninterested, then the courtship is over.  And this is where most of us get stuck.

Courting, in and of itself, should be a very natural process for us.  I believe we have made this dance very complex by not following the rules and protocols already set up for our success by nature (or grandma!).  We’ve tried to take control over our partner’s life to get them to do what we want them to do which never really works!  We begin the dance as a couple and end it with one partner screaming in the other partner’s ear telling them what to do and wonder where our romance has gone. 

However, when we allow the process to work naturally taking care to respect and understand the other person’s feelings whether we like them or not, the dance always seems to work out in our favor.  Our partners feel free to be themselves and we get to have a partner fully committed to us.  We get to maintain our own sense of independence in our dance and allow our partners to do the same making our dance more enjoyable.  How cool is that?

In short, courtship can be one of the most enjoyable experiences when we give our partners the respect they deserve from us.  We allow them the space to dance and make their own decisions whether to respond to our moves or choose another dance partner.  And we allow ourselves the chance to maintain our own sense of independence and identity so that no matter what happens throughout the dance, we still come out of it with a greater sense of inspiration and transformation. 

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams