Are you settling on your core values to find
a mate?
It’s really
frustrating to me as a dating coach and matchmaker to coach singles who say
they want one thing but then go after another.
I encourage them to do a lot of soul searching to find out what it is
they need and desire from a relationship so I can help them find that
person. Through my own evolution in
coaching, I’ve learned to understand that this process takes time. Society, the media, or our peers nurture us
into believing what is good for us despite what our soul is yearning for in our
lives. We become puzzled when we find
that “perfect” person as to why we are still not fulfilled in our hearts,
cynical when our choices do not turn out as we expected and disillusioned that
we could live up to society’s standards.
I meet people all
the time who don’t understand who they are on a soul level. When you don’t know who you are beneath the
make-up and the outer garments, it becomes harder for you to meet the right
person. As Aristotle says, “Know
Thyself”. When you don’t know yourself,
you’ll accept anyone into your life, even the people who aren’t quite right for
you. The more you know yourself, the
more you can weed out these people and find the one who would be a great fit
for you. There’s a lot of people in this
world and as a single person looking to find the right mate, you’ll need to
learn how to identify and discern the ones who are meant to be with you.
So what are your
core values? These are the values that
are important to us and make us who we are on a soul level. They’re what we care about the most and
strive to protect in our lives. For
example, the CEO of a company could value achievement in their home or on their
jobs while a stay at home mom could value having the security of her
family. Or maybe you value freedom in
your relationships in which your mate needs to allow you the space and freedom
you need to do whatever it is you desire in your life. These are the things that we fiercely protect
because they are so integral in our identities.
Our core values sometimes
get lost in translation because we’re afraid if people knew this about us, they
wouldn’t like us. We’re afraid they’ll
leave us if they really knew us on a soul level. Using the example of a stay at home mom, what
would the other working moms think if she revealed that she cares more about
her family than anything else in her life including having a job. Or maybe you value peace at home rather than
drama hanging out with your friends but you don’t want to be a “party pooper”. But by revealing this side of you, you allow
others to get to know the “real” you and others will respond accordingly. In dating, this works because you’re able to
then develop your own personal set of criteria to use in finding the right mate
who is compatible for you based on your values.
You may ask how you
find your personal core values. Well, it
is the thing that matters the most to you once you drill down from all the
superficial, materialistic values that we think we need to make us happy. Think about what you would value if there
wasn’t any money to be made or if you couldn’t change anything physically about
yourself. What is the thing that you
worry about the most or that keeps you up at night? What is the thing that you think about the
most in your life? Try to narrow this
down to a few words or details that really describe what you are ultimately
trying to seek in your life. This will
help you to get down to your basic core values to be able to develop the right
criteria to select your potential suitor.
In short, settling
on your core values is really not an option if you want to find the right
mate. I’ve seen time and time again
people settle on their values just to have someone in their lives. You know, loneliness kicks in and core values
get pushed to the wayside only to show up later in life once you’re married
with kids and realize that you’ve married the wrong person. Please don’t let this be you. Take the time to think about your core values
and weigh them against any potential suitors that come into your life. True love and happiness comes from knowing
ourselves and then being able to pick the right mate accordingly.
Good Luck!
For more helpful dating tips,
please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com
or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.
It’s Here! My New Book:
Live Love Aspire: Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The
Love Of Your Dreams
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