From Friends To Lovers….Where
Do We Go From Here?
I would have to
argue the reason why most relationships fail is because they are not based on a
solid friendship. You can tell this
immediately by the break up whether it is amicable or a hostile one. Let’s think about it. Your best friends are people that know you
very well and only have your best interests at heart. They support you in your endeavors and are
not afraid to challenge you when they know you are wrong. That’s a true friendship. If the relationship starts with a good
friendship and the partners have to break up, then they will end it as friends
too.
On the other hand,
some people become so obsessed with the friendship until there becomes no
boundaries or no transition in place to actually being in a real relationship
leading to marriage. I’ve heard people
argue they don’t like titles as in girlfriend or boyfriend but when there is no
definition to the relationship other than “friends” after having dated for some
time, where do you draw the line? We can
say that we’re okay with our “friend” seeing other people on the surface, but
when that friend suddenly starts getting serious with someone else, we tend to
have a problem. And we wonder why we’re
all so confused?
Let’s go back to
when we were kids. If you had strong
parents, then you had to start off as friends.
You had no other choice. Your
parents were your first line of defense and if you grew up in a tightknit community
the way I did, your neighbors and teachers were your second line of defense. You had to meet his or her family or else you
weren’t going out on a date. Now although,
your hormones were high as a young teenager, you made the best of the situation
knowing that going past a friendship or “going steady” as we called it, was
simply out of the question.
Back in those days,
there was a natural line of progression from friendship to commitment. You could not shortcut the process and as a
result, those were probably some of the best relationships that you could have
had because there were boundaries and structure in place to ensure a great
transition for courtship and eventually marriage. We’re missing that natural line of
progression. There really is none. People nowadays meet with the expectation of
sex and marriage right away and then wonder why they can’t find a spouse?
So what am I advocating? Well,
I’m advocating two things. First, start with the friendship. There is nothing like having a great friend
with whom you really cherish and can’t wait to see every day. They light up your world and it feels like
heaven when you’re with them. On any of
your deepest, darkest days in that relationship, it will be so much easier to still
cherish, respect and even forgive them than someone whom you have not built a
solid friendship.
Secondly, if you do have a friend in which
you would like more from that relationship, don’t be too quick to accept the
status quo. If you want more out of it, you have to
evaluate the progress of that friendship (whether it’s going somewhere or not),
look at your timetable for marriage, and decide whether it’s really worth the
wait. Interestingly enough, most people
need an incentive to initiate action so if you decide the friendship isn’t
going anywhere and decide to date other people, I can almost guarantee you your
friend will “step up to the plate”. And
if not, at least you’ll know where you stand.
In summary, there
is nothing like dating someone who is a true friend. You get the best of all worlds. You get a loving partner that you can trust
with your life. But be careful, if your
friend isn’t looking for more in that relationship and you are, you will need
to re-evaluate your stance in that relationship and take a different course of action
to satisfy your needs and desires. There
is a delicate balance between being friends and lovers which makes the
courtship in today’s dating world so complex.
But if we take our time and develop a solid friendship allowing that
friendship to progress into a great courtship, we will be well on our way to
success.
Good Luck!
For more helpful dating tips,
please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com
or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.
Please do follow me on twitter
or on Facebook to find out the release of my new book: Live
Love Aspire
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