We all love the idea of meeting our “perfect person” or our “soul mate”. You envision this person in your mind and how the two of you are just so perfect together. You were destined to be with him. And we all sing and dance joyfully at your wedding. But you forgot one thing….he has to like you first! I know I’ve had times where I’ve been so caught up in the romance of being with someone that I totally forgot he has to be interested! Or on the other hand, the ideal, perfect person that you imagined at the wedding has now started to reveal his real self to you which does not measure up to those ideals.
People that tend to be delusional in love tend to exhibit a few interesting qualities. They tend to be very dreamy-life. They believe in unconditional love with all their heart. These people would probably give you the shirt off their backs (literally!). We love them for those great inner qualities as they make us want to be more spiritual people. We need more people in this world like them. However, it is very difficult for them to accept relationships for what they truly are.
In the book, "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, they write a great chapter on “Fantasy Relationships”. I discovered fantasy relationships for the first time when I read that chapter. Fantasy relationships are with people you would like to have a relationship with but who may not know you exist, at least not in that way. The Rules authors provide great illustrations of how this can occur. For example, your cute tax accountant calls to remind you of your tax forms but you think he calls to ask you out on a date. Only if he literally asks you out on a date can it be considered anything other than a purely professional relationship. It’s better to wait for him to make the initial move. That way you’ll know it’s the real thing.
Now that we’ve covered fantasy relationships, let’s talk about being delusional with our partners in a real relationship.
People who may be delusional in love tend to have the notion that a better relationship will always come along. There’s a sentiment with these people that there is this “perfect ideal” love out there somewhere “over the rainbow.” The pattern that follows for these people is that they finally find this perfect ideal partner. Everything starts off wonderfully in a state of total bliss. After a few months, you meet the real person. They left their dirty socks on the floor and that is totally unacceptable to them! The disappointments and disillusions occur. The person can no longer fulfill their high expectations. Pretty soon, the harp and violin stops playing…those perfect ideals become lost…and the relationship ends abruptly. Their partner could never live up to their expectations and the same ideals they created for their partner in their head are the same ideals they are using to measure and evaluate them!
We all have our own ideas of the perfect person and may even be a bit delusional about it. There’s nothing wrong with having a vision of who you want for your mate but try to focus more on the core qualities you are looking for in a mate. And be open to whatever package that comes in for you. As human beings, we can never be perfect people and we all come with lessons to be learned.
One tip I would offer if this article is related to you personally is to try to use those imaginative qualities more creatively in your personal life. Brainstorm ways you could use those qualities for yourself so that you don’t project them on others who may not be able to fulfill those ideals. Or find ways to meet people who are very dreamy and imaginative-like as you are and the two of you can create interesting hobbies together!