Sunday, May 19, 2013

A Woman’s Perceived Power over Men

Ladies…Do you have the Power in your Relationship?

There’s usually always one person in a relationship that appears to have the power while the other one has to make a few adjustments.  It’s certainly not to say the two people in the relationship don’t equally love each other, it’s just that one person may have some type of power over the other one.  I like to term this “Perceived Power” or when one person perceives the other as having the power in that relationship and it is clear to both parties involved.  Power comes in many shapes and forms including beauty, high income, having a college degree, or brings no “baggage” to that relationship, just to name a few. 

I coach mainly women in my business and I try to teach them to have confidence in their dating lifestyles.  This gives them the power they need to date successfully.  They’re able to raise their standards to where they want them to be and negotiate their needs and desires with the other person accordingly.  I do believe the power must rest with the woman.  I’ve seen too many times how a man in a relationship has the power over the woman and he uses it to abuse her or the relationship ends abruptly.  There’s just something about a confident woman in a relationship that men consider to be sexy and there lies her power. 

When a woman has the power in a relationship, she is able to have negotiating room to get what she wants in that relationship.  This includes, but is not limited to, flowers “just because”, consistent phone calls and dates, constant reminders of how much he loves her, and a general feeling of safety and security in that relationship.  As a matter of fact, those women that I have seen to have power in the relationship seem to have all of these factors and much more.  When a woman does not have the power in the relationship, I’ve seen the opposite happen whether it is inconsistent phone calls/dates, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of being lost in that relationship, and a sense that the relationship is going nowhere fast.  This is why it is so important for a woman to have the power as opposed to the man in a relationship.

Generally, men that have brought what we term “baggage” to the relationship will allow a woman negotiating room in that relationship.  This includes, but is not limited to, kids from a prior relationship, ex-spouses, less income, criminal past, blue collar background or non-degreed, feelings of un-attractiveness, etc.  These types of men know that a good woman is hard to find that will be able to deal with his prior issues and will negotiate with her a little more to be able to convince her to choose him over the other competitors.  She, of course, having the “perceived power” knows this and is able to demand more for her time and effort with him.  If he can convince her that he can make her happy, despite his previous misfortunes, then she may allow the relationship to grow and prosper accordingly.  If not, she will quickly move on to someone else.  One caveat is if she has brought the same issues into the relationship, then this would create a more balanced effect. 

I’ve seen countless times where a professional woman will date a man who brings a few “bags” to the relationship but he has been able to make her happy in other areas.  For example, he makes her laugh and treats her like a queen.  She just simply could not refuse the deal.  And some women will purposely only date these types of men simply because she knows there is room for negotiation.  Guys without “baggage” or prior issues may not be so willing to negotiate making the relationship difficult to sustain for her.

A woman’s perceived power in a relationship greatly depends on her confidence in that relationship and how the man in that relationship perceives it.  If she has the confidence to walk away at a moment’s notice when he does not live up to her standards or ideals, then she has the “perceived power”.  Consistent dates and phone calls are just a few of the gifts she is rewarded in return.  Men who bring “baggage” to the relationship will have less power in that relationship and be more willing to negotiate with her to fulfill her standards and expectations.  This type of power does not have to be a bad thing and when both parties involved come to the relationship with the common goal of love and long term commitment, they may be able to live a long and happy life together.

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