Dating can ultimately be an extremely tiring, mental, and emotional process for most of us requiring enormous amounts of energy just to go on one date for a few hours. Now multiply those hours by the number of dates you go on in one year and that’s enough to make anyone cynical about love. Throughout my travels, I run into women all the time that have expressed their frustration with finding love and have completely given up hope on ever finding love and long term partnership. It’s an interesting thing because the majority of these women are really looking to have a great partner in their lives. I often wonder how many of those same women would be giving up if they knew their blessings were right around the corner?
This is generally how the story goes in our lives. You go on multiple dates, either a blind date set up by a friend or using one of the popular online dating sites. Some of the dates you like, some of the dates you don’t like and some just leave you scratching your head. If you go on enough of these dates, you start to have a jaded outlook on dating. Eventually, you either take a “break” or drop out of the dating scene altogether. None of which will get you closer to your goal.
When we become disillusioned, we also go into our little shells for protection. The shells represent our little worlds of peace. The shell could be anything from working excessively to using substances such as drugs or alcohol as a way to escape. The problem with shells is that you can get so entrenched into this little world that when someone worthy of dating you comes along, he won’t be able to find you, and of course you’re so caught up in your little world that you don’t even know it’s him.
I believe one of our greatest gifts in life is to be able to give and receive love. It’s also where our greatest challenges and lessons are in life. Your partner provides you with companionship, an opportunity for growth, and someone in which to raise a family if that’s your choice. I don’t believe people want to give up on love but just need tools and techniques to get their engines running again.
Here are some tips for those of you in which this article has resonated and that are frustrated with love and dating.
· Prayer and Meditation – I start with prayer and meditation because this process can be draining but if you can put your faith in a higher power you may feel a little less overwhelmed.
· Re-establish your confidence – you have a lot to offer a guy in a relationship and any man would love to be with you. In the book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, "The Rules", they have coined the term "Creature Unlike Any Other" to reflect how a woman should act around men. Know that you are unique and one of a kind. If not him, then the next one!
· Attitude check – Having a warm, positive, friendly attitude is everything. Men really gravitate to women who exhibit those qualities. There’s always something positive about life even when life gets tough. If you are healthy and have a roof over your head, that’s something to smile about!
· Meet Men! – Okay I know you’re probably thinking…duh! Yes, but for those of you “hiding out”…this statement needs to be repeated. Men are everywhere and you should be meeting them. I’m going to post a separate topic on this subject but for now..I’ll give you an example. If you travel a lot...check out the local airport hotel bars or restaurants…or where people hang out near the train station…there’s probably singles there relaxing before they take a connecting flight or train ride to their next destination…
· Be clear with your intentions – Know what you’re looking for! If you ask for anything, you’ll get anything! Have an idea of the type of man that you could be attracted to. Make a list of 5 qualities you value and would like to have in your mate. Think about what your boundaries are for anyone that comes into your life that does not have those qualities.
· Dress the part – As mentioned in the Rules book, I can’t stress enough the importance of looking great on the date. Even if the guy turns out to be a real loser, you still got dressed, looked great, and turned heads which boosted your overall confidence. You could chalk it up to practice until you meet the real deal.
· Date with ease – It’s just a date. Try to relax on the date and get to know the guy. Let him impress you. Remember the way he treats you on a date is how he’ll treat you in marriage.
· Go slow with sex! – I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a great relationship go sour after sex. Personally, I consider this to be an intimate affair so I don’t really like discussing timelines or celibacy. I will say that having sex too early in the relationship can result in what I term the “power shift” so it’s worth it to really get to know the guy you’re about to have sex with…I’m going to do a separate topic on this subject…stay tuned!!
I have not met a single person who does not want to find love and enjoy all the benefits that come with a great relationship. Dating is a process we use to get to know someone before we commit in a marriage or long term partnership. It can become overwhelming at times but we’re learning to become more discerning in finding the right type of mate who will fit into our lives. Anything worth having is something you may have to work hard for. If we become more isolated and go into our shells, then we won’t be able to see who’s out there for us. We miss our blessing and wonder why we haven’t met him yetl There’s no set rule for dating that will produce the “golden egg” but we do have helpful tips and Rules that should get us past the initial stages. If we follow those helpful rules, learn to be more patient, and put our faith and trust in God, then we should be able to reach our goals with ease.