Just Because You’ve Grown
Older Doesn’t Mean You Should Lose Your Sexy!
I was
just a young girl barely old enough to have a job when I met and encountered one
of the most beautiful women over 40 I would ever meet in my life. I met her during my early years of interning for
the city government. I mean when she
walked in the room, men knew she was there.
She always had a smile on her face or a chuckle as she laughed. She was the star of the show and everyone
around her knew it. But she was never
arrogant, just confident and it always showed in her demeanor. Only years later would I learn that this wasn’t
always characteristic of women over 40.
And at the time, I was much too young and shy to ask her for her secrets
of growing old gracefully. But over the
years as I’ve explored this terrain as a dating coach and professional
matchmaker extensively, I’ve listed the key traits below I believe are
essential to be successful in this journey.
Having Confidence – This trait may be key to all
singles but it’s especially key for singles over 40 because by this time, you
should know who you are and what you want out of life. And this should be evident to the people you
meet in your travels. When you walk into
a room, people should automatically know that you have a purpose for being
there and they should want to meet you.
You’re not bossy or conceited, just sure of what you’re about and that’s
what makes you attractive.
Knowing Your Worth – No matter who you meet, they
should be aware of what you bring to the table.
At this point in your life, you should probably bring financial
stability and independence to any individual lucky enough to get your
attention. So if they can’t bring such
value to the table as well, then you need to reconsider whether this person is right
for you. And this is really not about
the amount of income your potential mate may have but rather how much stability
they can bring and add to your life.
This is particularly true if you have children from a past relationship who
may be adversely affected by your choice of suitors.
Now other
than financial stability, you should also be able to bring kindness, warmth and
companionship to the table. You’re able
to provide support to them when they need help and encouragement to them in
their darkest hour. You are their
rock. That’s worth more than its weight
in gold! In turn, they should be able to
provide you with the same value as well.
If they can’t, it’s time to look for other options!
Keeping Up With Your Looks – As a professional matchmaker
who has observed many of my clients in their 40s looking for love, I can tell
you that looks are the first thing that goes at that stage in life. I really wish this wasn’t true but over and
over I see singles over 40 give up on their looks. Let’s face it. We get tired from working on the job, let our
kids run us down and let our past relationships get the best of us. There’s just nothing left to give to anyone
new who may enter our lives. I get
it. But let’s also face reality. You’re now back in the dating market with
other beautiful singles. And while I don’t
believe in competition in dating, I do believe we may not be making the best impression
on any potential suitors we meet.
Now without
sounding too superficial, I must tell you that keeping up with your looks is
almost the single most important thing you can do when you’re dating over 40. Keeping a fresh, youthful appearance tells
the world you’re happy with who you are and anyone who comes into your life
will share in that happiness. People
tend to feel good around people who keep themselves together. This is particularly true with women where
the odds of meeting men in your age range may not be the best. You aren’t trying to be 25 again nor would
you want to be that age again. You’re
just expressing your own unique sense of style in a way that is still
attractive to the opposite sex.
Staying In Shape – Now this is another area I’ve
seen older singles regress on in their later years of life. Interestingly enough, this is really the time
you should be more actively engaged in physical activity because your
metabolism slows down as you age. Even
our bones start to degenerate if we’re not lifting enough weights or getting a
daily dosage of movement into our daily lives.
And
other than all the other health benefits associated with staying in shape, we
still want to be in a relatively healthy shape to enjoy our partners. Do you really want to have a series of health
conditions when you’re just starting your life over with someone new? Of course not! Then this is why it’s essential to continue
to find ways to implement physical activities into your life so you can
continue to maintain a nice healthy shape and thus have lots of energy for your
spouse. You don’t have to go mountain
climbing like the 20 something’s but maybe a taking a beginner’s Zumba class or
a cycling class may just be the thing to get your adrenaline pumping in the right
direction!
Maintaining Your Boundaries – We have to be careful that
at this stage in our lives, we do not lower our standards for anyone not worthy
to be with us. It’s easy to be with
someone because we haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. As a matter of fact, your potential mate will
sense this and act against your best interests accordingly. To a con-artist aka “player”, there’s nothing
better than finding someone who is vulnerable and so willing to be in a
relationship that they will risk it all!
And it’s even better for them when they know you’re over 40 because they
know you now have more financial assets to bring to the table and that they can
con out of you.
You’re
boundaries at this point should be rock solid.
You’ve been through the games.
You know the deal. Anyone acting
outside of your best interests shouldn’t even be allowed in the door. You’ve been there…done that! You’re looking for the type of person that’s
ready for a mature commitment. All
others need not apply!
Being The Total Package – As you have matured, you
have become the “total package”. Your
potential spouse is lucky to have someone who is knowledgeable, seasoned and can
bring many experiences to the relationship.
You aren’t just another pretty face like you were in your 20’s. There’s more of an in depth connection about
you. Prioleau states in the book, Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost
Art of Love, “one of our deepest erotic
wishes…is to be known and validated for our true selves”. In other words, your wisdom and ability to
understand human nature is now your greatest gift. You laugh at the mistakes you made when you
were young because they made you who you are at this stage in the game. Any suitor that approaches you knows they
need to be on par to be with you.
In
short, as I reminisce on the woman who would forever be my muse of what an
older woman should be like in her 40s, I do have hope for all of my friends,
clients and associates in this age range.
I want you to know that life doesn’t stop over the age of 40. As a matter of fact, it’s just the
opposite. You know more about life and have
experienced more in life making you much more indispensable to anyone you
meet. And while you may not be the type
of “femmes fatale” woman I met during my early years of internship, you should
be the type of person whom people just can’t stop staring because they’re so in
awe of you! If you can keep these things
in mind in your journey, dating will be a cinch!
Thanks for reading!
Please visit my website at www.liveloveaspire.com
for more information on our relationship coaching services and for a free 15
minute consultation.
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