Monday, January 19, 2015

Dear God, Where Is He (or She)?

“Oh ye of little faith”….(and plenty of excuses!)

Have you been questioning your faith recently?  Do you find yourself envious of other people because they have what you want?  Your friends all seem to be happily in love while you struggle to find a date?  I do a plethora of workshops and seminars and this is always the sentiment I get from a workshop member who questions their faith in finally finding the one.  But maybe this isn’t the time to question your faith as much as it is to restore it.

Keeping the faith is a hard pill to swallow because you have to believe in the invisible.  You have to believe in something that you cannot see, hear, touch or feel as of yet.  They exist only in your mind.  The uncertainty of what is to come kills you on the inside to the point that you find yourself simply giving up the dream.  But it is at that precise moment when your faith must be the strongest to avoid having those doubts and anxieties.  I’ve seen so many times where people give up hope just when their dreams were about to be realized. 

Go with me for a second.  We’re going to see into the future.  Imagine if the guy you’ve been seeing for a while at your local café finally asked you out on a date.  Or what if “Mr. or Mrs. Right” were standing next to you in the subway station and just so happens to get off at the same stop as you.  Let’s go a bit further into the future.  Imagine standing next to them at the altar while your family and friends are congratulating you.  How does that make you feel?

Now let’s flip that script and imagine if in the process of meeting that person you had already completely given up hope because of the excuses you’ve made up in your mind of never being able to meet the one.  Humor me for a second and let’s explore some of our most common excuses examining whether they should be considered true or false:

True or False

1.       “I’m just too old”False!  You’re never too old to meet the one!  I just had a client of mine get married and they are well above the age that you would think people should marry.  And they’re like school kids in love.  You can’t tell if they’re 21 or 51!  Age doesn’t matter when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with as long as you meet them!

2.       “It’s the ratio of men and women”False!  The only ratio there is, is in your head!  I can’t tell there is a ratio because people are still getting married!  I’m sure if there was a decline in marriages because of the ratio, wedding planners would let us know immediately!  The wedding industry is still a billion dollar industry and they’re not complaining and neither should you!  Besides, you only need one person and your chances of meeting him or her are still pretty good!

3.       “I just can’t seem to get a date so I must be destined to be alone”False!  Just because you can’t get a date doesn’t mean you’re destined to be a spinster!  It just means you need to try a little harder to find him.  Maybe you need to go out more.  If going out meeting people isn’t your thing, try dating online.  Whatever you do, don’t give up!

4.       “I’m just too busy”True and False!  Well, if all you’re doing is going to work and going home then you may be right!  You will have to make the time for that special someone.  Finding someone takes time and effort.  Keeping them takes even more effort.  But if you’re serious about having someone in your life, you’ll make the time.  Prioritize!

5.       “He’ll find me”True and False!  As the old saying goes, “when one looks, one never finds”….true but only if you’re open to being found.  I hear many of my girlfriends say this but then they’re not open to someone finding them either.  If your head is always in the books or if you’re always at work, how is he supposed to find you?  Let’s be honest, he would need to wear a sign on his back to get your attention!

6.       “All Men (or insert women) are no good! – False!  Do you really believe this?  Many times when I hear people say this I know they have been hurt in their past and they’re letting their past dictate their future.  They all say they’re over their ex but the residue of bitter feelings still remain only to be carried into the next relationship.  If you need to cry, meditate or find some other constructive way to vent your feelings, do that.  Just don’t take this out on your future companion hurting your chances of having a great relationship with the next person.

In short, I wrote this blog to give you a piece of encouragement if you’re feeling down and questioning your faith.  Maybe God has not forsaken you but you have forsaken yourself with your own set of excuses.  Many of the excuses we give ourselves are to avoid taking the action and the effort it takes to create a loving relationship.  Maybe God wants to open doors for us but wants us to at least be able to walk through them.  I believe we create our own destiny in life.  There are no excuses except the ones we create for ourselves.  Sure, there are environmental influences that are outside of our own control but I believe those are there to make us stronger so we are better prepared when those things we want in life come true and that includes meeting that special someone.  But if you give up hope and the faith your dreams will come true, then you’ll never know what could happen. 

Be Encouraged!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my blog at or you may inquire about my life/relationship coaching/fitness consulting services at 

What’s New?  We have meet up groups for both men and women for those living in the Baltimore-DC area.

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