Sick of nagging him to go to church?....Read this!
If you’re like most women, you’ve given up completely on the idea of your spouse or significant other accompanying you to church. You’ve asked, prodded, and did everything you could to convince him to enter the building. It’s just not worth the fight anymore. Let’s face it ladies…getting a guy to go to church is like pulling teeth out of his mouth! I was having a simple conversation with a girlfriend of mine and I finally realized how clueless we were on this subject. So I decided to explore the subject a little closer.
Thousands of churches in America convene on Sunday morning to worship and connect to other parishioners. And of those that convene in churches, statistics show less than half of those parishioners tend to be men. No surprise, right? Just check out the predominately female singles ministry and sometimes even the marriage ministry which is usually led by women with husbands who look like they are forced to be in it against their will.
So why don’t men go to church? Great question! Again, I was just as puzzled as you are so I am going to give you my own personal theory. Men like challenge, risk and adventure. Church isn’t equipped to offer men those opportunities. It is a place focused on caring for people, nurturing people and being sensitive to people’s needs. It’s a great place for women who already possess those feminine qualities but not so much for men who are seeking to validate their own needs as masculine men. It’s no wonder they would rather retreat at home to prepare to watch a football game than to become emasculated in a church that doesn’t address their needs.
But there is hope! My personal theory is that men DO want to go to church! I believe they really admire women who embrace their religion and spirituality. Or else they would not date and/or marry them! Most men are spiritual and believe in God or a higher being. All they need is a woman who will lovingly convince him to go with her to church. It’s not that hard but it does require a LOT of patience.
I’ve outlined a few steps below that I think may be worth trying:
1. Start slow (baby steps!) – Men are like babies when it comes to going to church. They have to crawl before they walk. They embrace their spirituality quite differently than women. They’re more quiet and introverted when it comes to anything pertaining to their emotions. But churches encourage the outward expression of these emotions which can be quite challenging for them. They’re also trying to maintain their masculinity in a church environment that’s very female oriented. As women, most of us don’t like to see men cry even though we know they do but yet we’re encouraging them to go to a place that can be full of extreme emotions.
I suggest helping him in little ways to get to church. Offer to read a few passages from the Holy Bible or a spiritual doctrine with him that may help him with everyday problems. This is great because now he gets to experience the practical side of spirituality and religion and also embrace his emotions little by little before advancing to a church where he would have to connect to others on a deeper spiritual level. This also creates a safer environment for him to explore his spirituality and religion in the company of his own home without others watching him and allows him to express himself without fear of repercussion from others.
2. Be a great role model – Ladies, if you’re not setting a good example than there’s no point in leading him to church. He’s looking at you as an example of someone who has strong morals and values inherent in spirituality and religion. So if you’re cursing like a sailor and expecting him to follow your path to church, you will be sadly mistaken. He admires you for your spiritual qualities and looks toward you for guidance. Be that spiritual leader or woman who has high standards and principles that you claim to have in your life. He should see you setting the example by helping out in the community, being kind to people and showing him what he could become if he follows your path.
3. Invite him to interesting events at church – Try to find special events in church that are male oriented or events that are interesting and less pressure for him. In other words, find events that if he decides not become a member or even come back entirely, he would still be welcomed into that environment in the future. Also, find events that are fun and lighthearted that he would enjoy while also being able to connect with other men or good people in that church. He may not come to church at that moment but it will certainly be in the back of his mind in the future.
4. Have great timing – When he is ready to go to church, do not tell him how long it’s taken him to go or that you don’t believe he is telling the truth. Continue to go to church regularly and when he finally asks to go with you, be open to him accompanying you without judgment. He is already uncomfortable with this idea and the last thing he needs is someone who will judge him when he is trying to do the right thing in his life. Personally, I’ve seen men come to church when they feel like it’s their last hope. Now, this may not be the ideal situation but it may be the catalyst to him experiencing religion for the first time in his life. What may seem like a bad situation may turn out to be a wonderfully new experience necessary for him to grow. If you deter that growth with your judgment, he may never want to go again.
5. Exercise patience! – This isn’t an overnight process! It may take him years and years to finally go to church with you. For some men, it only takes a little convincing and for others it will take more work. Please don’t try to expedite the process. Men go to church when they are ready and not before that time! You cannot force him to go. He goes on his own timeframe. The only thing you can do is help and encourage him in this process.
So ladies, at the end of the day, you are going to need a LOT of patience and prayer. So many women give up right before he has had the chance to fully consider the invitation. They either get mad at him for not wanting to go or become resentful that he doesn’t want to share in this special experience. And yet, these are the times when there’s about to be a breakthrough. Again, take baby steps and appreciate him for the small steps he is taking to get there. Then remember timing is everything. Be ready for him no matter how long it takes. And you’ll see a difference. With a little prayer, patience and hope, he’ll be in church in no time.
Thanks for reading!