Grandma’s rules for dating in
a modern world for both men and women
When I was a little
girl growing up, I would hear my elders talk about the proper etiquette for a
young lady or what I like to call the “do’s” and “don’ts” of dating. Men had rules to follow too and were
certainly not excluded but they usually followed suit with what was expected
for women. It all seemed so simple back
in those days as compared to modern times when you have to guess who will pay
for the date or if you will get a “call back” after the date has ended. Maybe it’s time to revisit those days. Well at least revisit the rules that were set
in place to ensure a successful courtship and see if we can update them to suit
our modern day needs.
First, I’ll start
with the ladies. As young ladies, we
need to value our worth. You see, the
more confident you feel about yourself on the inside, the more it will show on
the outside. You have to believe you are
worthy of a guy who treats you like a queen.
If a guy is not treating you like the queen you are, he is not worthy to
be with you. There’s plenty of fish in
the sea. You have to know how much you
bring to a potential relationship and that any man deserving of you should know
this and respond to you accordingly.
Fellas, don’t think
I forgot about you. It is critical for
you to maintain a certain level of confidence.
As a matter of fact, I recommend not leaving home without it. Women look forward to meeting men who are
confident and can take charge on a date.
It’s such a turnoff for a man to be indecisive and “wishy-washy” on a
date. Generally, women want men who have
a clear direction and purpose for their lives and that women can look up to and
admire for their endeavors.
Now, while dating
has certainly changed since I was a little girl, some things never change. I still believe women enjoy it when a man
approaches them rather than vice versa.
We still enjoy receiving phone calls from men as opposed to texts as
well as men asking us out on dates. I’ve
listed a few of my favorite do’s and don’ts below that can still be applied to
our modern day dating world.
Do’s –
1.
Men – please do plan dates in advance.
Sure, it’s fun in the beginning and creates a certain level of spontaneity
for us. But sooner or later, it gets old
when we may have already made plans and you expect us to drop those plans
because you called at the last minute to go on a date.
2.
Women – please be ready for the date on
time. Yes, I know that you are only trying to look your
best but it’s really not cool to keep the guy waiting, particularly if he has
made reservations. Try to time yourself
on how long it takes you to put on your clothes and apply your make-up so
you’ll be ready on time.
3.
Men – please do be chivalrous. Open
the car door for us or pull the chair out for us to sit. If we seem a bit parched, offer us another
drink. Surprise us with flowers on the
first date. We notice these things. The more chivalrous you are on a date, the
better your chances of having a second one.
4.
Women – please do be flirty.
Throw your hair back. Cross your
legs a little higher than normal. Let
him know you really like him by subtle body languages. It will make him feel special and
appreciated. Not to mention, it will
turn up the heat!
5.
Men – please do pay for the date.
Women love it when a man pays for the date. Yes, I’m sure you’re thinking it will
certainly be nice if a woman paid for the date once and awhile but on the first
date, just stick with the traditional thing.
Ask yourself the question, would you rather have it your way and not get
a second date with a beautiful woman or would you like to impress her
increasing your chances of getting that second date?
6.
Women - please do feel free to give thanks
and appreciation. It doesn’t cost you anything to say thanks to
your date, even if the date didn’t turn out so well. If he at least paid for the date, despite
anything else that happened on the date, he certainly deserves a thank
you. Men really do like women who can
give them appreciation and they tend to respond in kind.
Don’ts –
1.
Men – please don’t invite her to “hang out” with
you rather than go out on a real date. Show her some respect by taking
her out to a nice restaurant, movie, etc.
She probably does not want to come over your house for drinks like one
of your buddies but rather be treated like someone special by being taken out
on a real date.
2.
Women – please don’t try to bring your lonely
girlfriends out with you on the date. I get the fact your girlfriend
just broke up with her man and you feel guilty that you are going out at such a
critical time but it’s not fair to your date.
He asked you out on a date and not your girlfriend. Besides, you can call her when you get back
home. If she’s a real friend, she will
understand your decision.
3.
Men – please don’t talk about yourself all
night long on the date. I know that you want to impress your date by
telling her all about what you do for a living but give her a little light to
shine too. Allow her time to share
something about herself as well.
Remember, she’s judging you on how much you are listening to her which
goes a long way in a budding relationship.
4.
Women – please don’t talk about your
ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands on a date. If there was one rule I think
you should adhere to, it would be this one.
Even if your last relationship caused you to have chest pains, please do
not share this on the date. When you go
on a date, you are trying to put your best foot forward. Telling your date about how your son or
daughter’s father was no good will turn him away faster than you can
count. Remember to keep the focus on the
two of you.
5.
Men – please don’t disappear between dates.
Fellas, when the girl you are dating does not hear from you for a week
or two, it makes her think you’re not interested in her. In many cases, she will move on. If you have to take a “leave of absence”, the
least you can do is let her know beforehand or just give her a quick 5 minute
call to let her know you’re okay.
6.
Women – please don’t try to extend the date
past the time that it should end. Picture this: He looks into your eyes as you into his and
you don’t want to look away. You hold
hands and watch the stars in the sky.
The night is perfect and you don’t want it to end. This is where many women miss the signals to
end the date. I recommend the golden
rule of no more than 4-5 hours on a date, particularly the first few
dates. The reason is because you want to
have something more to look forward to in the future. Try to savor the moment. If you play your cards right and leave him
wanting more, you’ll have many more dates like this one. Patience is key.
So there you have
it! My take on grandma’s rules remixed for modern day men and
women. Sure, we certainly can’t turn
back the hands of time but we can at least utilize some of her best kept secrets
for dating. And who knows maybe a few
marriages and long term relationships can be made as a result.
Good luck!
For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.
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