“20 Feet”….from Marriage

So close…but yet so far….

I recently watched the 2013 American documentary film “20 Feet From Stardom” featuring Judith Hill, Darlene Love and others which took a look at some of the best background singers in our history and then dives into the question of how one goes from being a background singer to the main star.  It was as heartbreaking as it was entertaining.  You could feel their testimonies of working so hard to be a star only to see their dreams fade in the background along with their careers.  But seeing this movie made me beg the question, what does it truly take to achieve your dreams?  As it pertains to relationships, what does it take for a woman to go from being the bridesmaid (you know always a bridesmaid…never a bride) to a bride?  I’ve pondered this question in depth and hope this will give you a few insights from my perspective.

When some of the big musical legends in the documentary including Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Sting and Mick Jagger were interviewed and asked what they thought made someone go from being a background singer to the star, some of them thought it was simply a matter of luck.  Well, I beg to differ.  While, I think luck may have had a little to do with it, I still believe hard work and a will to succeed had much more to do with it than meets the eye.  It takes hard work, dedication and perseverance despite the obstacles to make it in that industry or to fulfill any dream for that matter.

Now, as I sat and thought about those background singers, I thought about the key steps one has to take to be able to achieve success.  You see, I believe that the background singers never made it to the front of the stage because they either didn’t truly see themselves in that role, did not believe it was really possible, didn’t take enough action, or simply didn’t own up to their destiny.  In getting back to the question of why some women achieve their dreams of being a bride and why others just seem destined to be a bridesmaid, it’s really the same thing.  It’s just not enough to want it, you have to own it and believe it can be so without any doubts.  Below I have listed the 5 keys I believe a person should use to achieve their dreams.

1.       See It – If you were married, how would you see yourself?  How would you describe your role as a wife?  How would you feel as a wife?  Where would you be living?  How would you raise your family?  Be specific as possible in your visualizations.  This helps you to walk into that role and bring it into existence.  You have to see it before you can believe it.  Try visualization exercises or use vision boards to help you to see your dreams and make them a reality.    

 

2.       Believe It – The power of belief is a key ingredient in our recipe for success.  Nothing can happen without it.  This is where faith in yourself becomes important.  How strong is your faith?  If you don’t believe this can happen, then no one else will believe it.  Eliminate the negative thoughts telling you this is not possible and replace them with positive ones.  You can use guided meditations until you can believe it in your heart and your soul.

 

3.       Act On It – Let’s say you practice visualization exercises and guided meditations yet don’t take any action.  I would argue you can do all the positive thinking in the world but if you don’t take the necessary steps to having a great relationship, it won’t happen.  Do you need to end a toxic relationship or stop dating a guy who is not meeting your expectations?  Do you need to post your dating profile online or simply go out more to meet people?  Most of us don’t put nearly as much work into doing the things we need to do to achieve our dreams.  Make a list of actions you can take right now to get closer to finding that special someone.  Then….

 

4.       Own It – See yourself in the role of a bride.  Believe in the possibilities.  Take the necessary action.  Then simply own it.  Become responsible for your own success.  Take control of your life.  Find an encouraging partner to help you.  Hire a coach or get a friend who will hold you accountable.  Your destiny is yours for the taking.  Own it!!

 

5.       Repeat – As they say, practice makes perfect.  Let’s be honest.  Following these keys for a day or two is going to do very little.  You have to make this a daily ritual (at least 21 days).  Every morning you get up, you start seeing yourself in the role of a wife.  Every day you look in the mirror, see your husband standing with you at the altar.  You take action whether it be dating in a healthy manner or learning more about yourself in order to be in a great relationship.  Then own it.  Take control of your destiny.  No more excuses.  No limitations.  Your destiny does not belong to other people.  It is in your hands.  Repeat… 

If I were to be asked what could have made these background singers stars, I would have been glad to offer the above 5 keys to success.  And you don’t have to have the desire to be a bride or the lead singer to use these keys, they can apply to any area of your life where you need a little motivation.  Remember, you have to see it, believe it, act on it and own it.  Then repeat.  Soon, you will have climbed the top of the mountain looking back down on it smiling because you will have achieved what others are only dreaming.

Good luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

 

 

 

 

The Valentine’s Series…Top Qualities To Get Noticed By Men Now!

 

Part II….Which qualities do men like about me?

For those of you following this series, you’ll recall in my prior blog topic we started this journey focused on your image and style in order to get noticed by men.  We reviewed a few concepts including wearing colors that look good on you, the style of fashion you are most comfortable with, and the style of hair that will drive the fellas wild.  My goal in the first series was to ensure you are projecting a positive image of yourself to others so you can make a great first impression on the guy you would like to attract.

The second part of our series is to be able to identify the specific factors about a woman that gets her noticed.  Through my observations and experiences, there are several factors that each strike a chord in a man’s eye.  They include beauty, talent, friendliness, great poise, fame and other traits.  Some women may have one or two of these elements while others may have all of them.  We’ll discuss them in depth so that you have a better understanding of them and how they can help you get noticed by men.

1.      Beauty – Although we hate to admit it, a beautiful woman will always be attractive to men.  Have you ever noticed how a beautiful woman can walk into a room and capture the attention of every male there without any effort?  And why else do we as women go through such painstaking lengths to enhance our beauty.  If you don’t agree, then go to your local drugstore where there is a whole entire section dedicated to beauty products and cosmetics.  As human beings, we like to look at beautiful people because it makes us feel better about ourselves, particularly when the result of being around a beautiful person is that it draws attention back to us.  Still, as the old saying goes, beauty is only skin deep.  But when it comes to getting noticed by men, beauty will always remain a top contender.

 

2.      Talent/Gift – I’ve seen so many talented singers who may not be all that beautiful but can sing like an angel or musicians who can play like they are in a symphony orchestra.  You may even be considered the best cook in town as judged by your family and friends.  Having a talent is a factor that will get you noticed because it allows you to distinguish yourself and stand out in the crowd, especially among men whom you want to attract.  I also think that you are operating at your very best when you are utilizing your gifts which makes you more attractive to a potential suitor and therefore will get you noticed fairly quickly.

 

3.      Friendliness and Approachability – This is by far the easiest and most well received factor for getting noticed by men.  If you don’t think you’re necessarily the prettiest girl in the room or the most talented, then you can certainly be the most approachable.  I’ve seen a “Plain Jane” girl get noticed by men just for being likeable and friendly with them.  As long as you are confident with yourself, have an open and approachable attitude, you’ll be the center of every man’s attention.  Even a woman considered to be beautiful may get noticed by men but if she has a nasty attitude or look on her face, they may stop right there and never decide to meet her.

 

4.      Great Poise – When I think of great poise, I think of the classic bombshells including Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe, Lana Turner or Elizabeth Taylor who never made a movement that didn’t count.  The woman with great poise can stroll across the street and cause accidents to happen.  Every move is carefully (or un-carefully!) planned to receive just the right reaction from a potential suitor.  Whether it is the move of her hips or the arch of her back, she knows how to attract attention and usually gets it!   

 

5.      Fame and Popularity – This is a tough category because not everyone can and will be famous or popular but I would be remiss if I did not mention it in this listing.  When you’re famous, you become someone of distinction and you become a recognizable face in the crowd.  Having fame has the power to open many doors that may not otherwise be opened for the average person.  Some men are drawn to these types of women who have achieved a certain status, fame or popularity because they know these women may be able to help them open doors too.  By the way, you don’t have to be a world renowned star, you can achieve fame right in your own local neighborhood, city or state increasing your chances of getting noticed.

 

6.      Other – I know many of you will wonder why I did not mention intelligence and kind-heartedness.  It is because I believe these are wonderful traits for a woman to possess but they come after the other factors mentioned above.  Unfortunately, no one is going to clearly see these traits when you are in a grocery store, walking with your dog in the park or even dating online unless you meet them in specific venues.  For example, if you want to be noticed by your intelligence, you may want to take classes in a local college where intelligence is recognized and rewarded by your peers.  Or maybe kind-heartedness is your strength and you want a guy to notice this about you.  In this instance, you may want to try to do activities in the community such as becoming more involved in helping out at an animal shelter which is a place where compassion and kind-heartedness towards animals is necessary, thereby increasing your chances that the guy who likes that about you will notice it immediately.

So there you have it!  The top qualities I’ve observed that help women to get noticed by men.  Every woman that I have met has at least one of these factors if not more or the ability to attain them if necessary.  Think about which category men would most likely put you in as to why you may be attractive to them.  Maybe you’re extraordinarily beautiful or exotic looking.  Maybe you’ve been told that you cook like a champion.  Or maybe you’re just a sweet southern belle whose charm, grace and poise is heavenly.  The idea is to develop of sense of what you believe men like about you and strengthen it, thereby getting you noticed and ultimately the date!

Stay tuned for Part III of the series…

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching and astrological counseling/spiritual intuitive services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

The Valentine’s Series…Get Noticed By Men Now!

Part I:  Your Image

I’ve dedicated my heart and soul to those of you ladies who are really good hearted people but can’t quite seem to get noticed or attract men so easily.  I feel your pain.  Well, today’s the day.  No more excuses or complaints.  Your time is now.  Valentine’s Day is coming and I don’t want you home that night.  I want you out and about enjoying yourself.  Let your girlfriends stay home that night.  You’ll tell them all about it once you get back.  But this is your time.  So let’s get to it.  Let’s get you noticed!

The first thing we’ll need to work on is your image.  Let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that men should only look at what’s on the inside of us.  While this may have some merit, people in general make their first impression of you by how you look on the outside.  If you go into the office looking like you just woke up that morning, slippers and all, what are guys going to think of you.  They probably won’t think of you at all because they’ll be looking at the girl in the next cubicle with the fitted red suit and black pumps on looking like she just got a promotion.  Improving your image will help to improve your chances of getting noticed by the right men.

Your Color Pallet – Okay, first, let’s choose the right colors.  Wear colors that accentuate your skin tone.  There is a whole methodology to wearing the right colors based on whether your skin tone is considered to be warm or cool.  Have you ever seen celebrities who always seem to have the right colors on while strolling the red carpet?  Believe me, they have numerous image consultants and fashion designers helping them achieve a certain look.  But you don’t need to pay thousands of dollars to get a great look.  Browse your local listings to find an image consultant near you who can help you decide on the right colors that match you.  You can also check with a knowledgeable store consultant in one of your favorite clothing stores.  If you’re one of their frequent customers, they may offer their services to you for free.

Your Style of Fashion – Think about your favorite celebrities past and present.  What is it about their style that you love?  Maybe you like the seductive style of Marilyn Monroe in her infamous white dress.  Maybe you are an Audrey Hepburn fan with her style of classic elegance.  Or maybe you like the more edgy style of the R&B singer Rhianna.  Try to pick a celebrity style you like, emulate it with your own sense of uniqueness, and apply it to your lifestyle accordingly.  This will help you to hone in on your own style and give you an idea of the clothing attire that makes you feel good about yourself.

Then take the image of the style you’re most comfortable with and blend it with the colors that look good on you.  Once you have the right colors, the right style in mind, now we can go out and seek the clothes that are right for you and eliminate others which may be better suited for other people.  You can also add cute accessories and shoes to go along with the outfit.  The reason we have to work on your image first is so that not only you are comfortable, but you make others feel comfortable around you, inviting them in to speak to you including the men in which you may want to attract.  By the way, you can mix and match styles depending on how you feel as long as you have a sense of your own style in mind.

Your Style of Hair – This is where you can really get creative because no two people will have the exact same hair type.  Some of us have curlier hair or straighter hair depending on our genetics.  I believe this is where you can fully express yourself and let your potential suitor see the real you.  Do you like to wear big hair like those big, beautiful Afros that women wore in the 60s or are you more of a flower child who enjoys wearing her hair long and straight with a part in the middle of her hair.  Whatever your style, make sure that it complements your facial type and brings out your best features.

And let’s face it ladies, men love hair!  I won’t lie to you.  You need to know the truth.  They find hair to be sexy.  Yes, they do prefer women with long hair BUT if a woman has a shorter style hair-do and takes care of it, they’ll love that too.  Many of them just like to see a woman take care of herself and that includes her hair.  If she loves it and wears it with confidence, they will be a fan too.

So there it is, the first part in my series of getting you noticed by men now!  We have five weeks until the big day and I want you to be ready.  I want you to be the Cinderella of the night.  But we’ll have to work quickly to get you that date.  We’ll be partners for the next few weeks.

Stay tuned for Part II of the series…

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching and astrological counseling/spiritual intuitive services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Coming Soon!  My New Book – Live Love Aspire

Uh Oh...The Goddess Of Love (Venus) Is Now Retrograde!

Love Life Got You Down?...Blame it on Venus!

In Classical Astrology, Venus is known as the goddess of love.  In Western Astrology, we know her as the planet that rules the areas of love, beauty, sexuality, fertility, and prosperity.  When she is retrograde or going backwards in motion in the sky, well, so are our love lives!  I knew something was wrong when I started hearing sad love songs on my favorite radio stations and then when I started hearing my girlfriends complain about how hard it is to find love these days.  As a dating coach, I’m used to hearing those complaints but I noticed an upswing right before the holidays.  Now it’s certainly not unusual to hear more complaints among singles around this time of the year particularly when you don’t have anyone special with whom to share the holidays but I was hearing complaints from married and coupled up women as well. 

Now even though I also work as a professional astrologer, I’ll admit I don’t check the location of the planets and stars in the sky everyday but I just so happened to pull out an ephemeris (chart that reveals the location of the planets in the sky) for one of my private consultations.  And lo and behold, there is Venus sitting in the chart quietly retracing her steps backwards to ponder over her past and present relationships.  She knows that she must re-evaluate her past and present loves in order for her to move forward in her life.  Maybe there was a past love with whom she didn’t find closure or maybe she is pondering a past issue with her current love in which the matter has not been resolved.  Either way, the Universe is telling her it’s time.

So that’s what a Venus retrograde does for us in our lives.  She makes us go back in time to find closure to our past.  We begin asking ourselves whether an old love has the potential to be renewed in our lives.  These are times when an old love will suddenly contact you out of the blue just to say hello.  Or you begin reminiscing on what could have been had things not gone sour with an ex-boyfriend.  What if I were the one to contact him or her at this time?  Could we recapture what we had in our past?  Venus really makes us take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror and do some soul searching through our past relationships. 

We’re also looking at our present day relationships resolving past issues that may have been pushed aside.  We begin to think about where we are in our current relationships and is this the place we desire to be in this present time.  Is this person helping me to grow or are they holding me back?  Are my goals for the relationship the same as my partner’s goals?  Venus helps us to stay still long enough to resolve those issues and either take the relationship forward or move on.

And of course for my singles looking to mingle, I hate to break this to you but this may not be your lucky month for love.  Sorry!  Since our love planet is retrograde, you may have to make your love life less of a priority this month.  It’s not that you won’t meet people, it’s just that the person you meet may not be exactly what you want or the relationship may not turn out the way you expected.  Still, I know how hard this is particularly if your New Year’s resolution is to meet someone so I’m really torn on this one.  But the good news is that our planet of love goes direct on Feb 1^st so mark that on your calendars which is right before Valentine’s Day!  See our goddess of love isn’t going to let us down!  She’s coming back right on schedule!  She just wants us to set aside some time to examine our relationships and to ensure ourselves we’re going in the right direction for what’s to come in our future. 

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching and astrological counseling/spiritual intuitive services at www.liveloveaspire.com.