Sunday, August 18, 2013

How To Avoid Being The Other Woman

Avoid Being the Other Woman In Dating

You Get the Call And It’s Her...
Most women don’t start out wanting to be the ”Other Woman” in a dating relationship yet start out looking for a great relationship with a good man.  Meanwhile, a man who is still ”supposedly” exclusive in one relationship may not share this fact with the women is dating outside of his current relationship.  And when you’re a single woman, there’s no way to tell whether a guy is exclusive in a relationship so the likelihood that a seemingly, innocent woman could be the ”other woman” is fairly high on the scale.  This scenario also works in reverse when the woman who has been in an exclusive relationship with her man for a period of time becomes the ”other woman” as a result of a new woman who enters his life and becomes his priority.

In general, men pursue relationships with the ”other woman” when they become bored of their current relationship or feel it is no longer fulfilling their needs.  Rather than risk hurting the woman in their current relationship, they may decide to pursue other options until they feel the time is right to end their current one.  Meanwhile, the woman in their existing relationship may have become far too relaxed and therefore, are completely blindsided by his actions since she saw the relationship as going well.  .

When you’re not married, you’re free to date as you wish.  There are no rings to prove you belong to someone else or laws to protect the relationship from outsiders.  However, I want to give you a few ”tried and true” ways to effectively determine your relationship status, help you to sustain your relationship status if it is good or avoid any instances of being the other woman (if possible!).

Tips To Avoid Being The Other Woman

1.    Accept More Dates On Weekends (Preferrably Saturday Nights!) – This is one of those old fashioned rules that still applies in dating.  I must admit I learned this in the book ”The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and was blown away immediately by how much this works in dating.  Having compared the Saturday night date to an ordinary week night date, I will say that this rule still holds it’s weight in gold.  From my own personal experiences, men tend to be much more serious about a woman he takes out on the weekends as they could be enjoying other activities or spending time with family and friends rather than going out on a date with you.  You are considered someone special or at the very minimum someone with a lot of potential if he decides to take you out on Saturday.  Interestingly enough, I have had guys validate this little rule saying that they take their time getting prepared for dates with women they take out on Saturdays as opposed to other nights which indicates their relative importance.
2.    Avoid Just ”Hanging Out” With Him – This is the opposite of tip #1 but still important to mention as its own separate step.  When a man only sees you as a ”sex buddy” or no longer sees you as being significant in his life, he may just ask you to ”hang out”.  If you’re not conscious of the American modern day dating slang, this means either going out with him and his buddies (not on a real date) or come over to his house to have sex.  Men don’t invite their significant others to just ”hang out” when they are serious about their mates.  Sure, there are times when ”hanging out” at home watching a movie are fun things to do but when it becomes a regular activity in your relationship, it is time to question whether the relationship is going in the right direction for you.
3.    Be Aware Of Consistent or Inconsistent Phone Calls – This is another little old fashioned tip that is worth mentioning.  Men call women to let them know how much they care and are thinking about them, even when they’re not on dates with them.  They also know how much phone calls mean to their significant other and will call them accordingly.  If a guy starts a relationship calling you every day but then slacks off suddenly, there’s no reason to go into panic mode but should just give you a little nudge to evaluate the status of your relationship.      
4.    Notice His Attention Towards You On Holidays And Birthdays – Yes, ladies, that sick little feeling you get when your man does not acknowledge your birthday or give you a gift on a holiday such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas may just be your intuition giving you a wake up call.  I’ve observed men tell their supposedly ”significant other”  how much this old fashioned rule doesn’t make sense in these harsh economic times but then subsequently go buy their ”main squeeze” a gift in celebration of them.
5.    Acknowledge His Invitations To Family Gatherings – If there was one rule I think will give you proof that you are his significant other, it is this one.  Men don’t bring women around significant family members and friends unless they hold a special place in their lives.  They know that once they have invited you to such gatherings, you become a part of his inner circle and will be invited back to other events.  They don’t want to risk this if they aren’t sure if you will be sticking around that much longer.
6.    Create More Excitement – If I could name one relationship killer, I would say it is boredom.  Men love the chase which is why they’re so excited about you in the beginning of the relationship.  Once the chase is over, they’re left up to their own devices to find something else to do.  When a woman can keep the relationship exciting, she becomes more valuable and interesting to him.  You’ve given him something to do and a challenge or problem he feels needs attention.  If you’re able to keep him on his toes, he’ll love you for it.

The reason I believe the above tips work is because they highlight and create effort on the part of the man.  You’ll be making him work hard to get you (or keep you).  Men value what they work hard to get.  If he doesn’t feel you are worth the effort, he’ll let go of the relationship immediately or provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision. Either way, they help you to avoid unnecessary drama and save you from an episode on ”Jerry Springer”. 

I don’t believe most women set out to be the other woman but get trapped in scenarios after a guy has been dishonest with her about his situation causing hurt feelings and a lack of trust.  If you consider the above tips whether it be to accept more dates on Saturday nights, avoid invitations to just ”hang out”, or pay more attention to how he treats you on holidays and other special days, you will be well ahead of the curve in your knowledge of dating.  We may not be able to prevent all cases where this happens to a woman but I’m hopeful that these tips will help steer you in the right direction to determine your status in that relationship.  Good Luck!

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