How To Avoid Being The Other Woman

Avoid Being the Other Woman In Dating

You Get the Call And It’s Her...

            

Most women don’t start out wanting to be the ”Other Woman” in a dating relationship yet start out looking for a great relationship with a good man.  Meanwhile, a man who is still ”supposedly” exclusive in one relationship may not share this fact with the women is dating outside of his current relationship.  And when you’re a single woman, there’s no way to tell whether a guy is exclusive in a relationship so the likelihood that a seemingly, innocent woman could be the ”other woman” is fairly high on the scale.  This scenario also works in reverse when the woman who has been in an exclusive relationship with her man for a period of time becomes the ”other woman” as a result of a new woman who enters his life and becomes his priority.

In general, men pursue relationships with the ”other woman” when they become bored of their current relationship or feel it is no longer fulfilling their needs.  Rather than risk hurting the woman in their current relationship, they may decide to pursue other options until they feel the time is right to end their current one.  Meanwhile, the woman in their existing relationship may have become far too relaxed and therefore, are completely blindsided by his actions since she saw the relationship as going well.  .

When you’re not married, you’re free to date as you wish.  There are no rings to prove you belong to someone else or laws to protect the relationship from outsiders.  However, I want to give you a few ”tried and true” ways to effectively determine your relationship status, help you to sustain your relationship status if it is good or avoid any instances of being the other woman (if possible!).

Tips To Avoid Being The Other Woman

1.    Accept More Dates On Weekends (Preferrably Saturday Nights!) – This is one of those old fashioned rules that still applies in dating.  I must admit I learned this in the book ”The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and was blown away immediately by how much this works in dating.  Having compared the Saturday night date to an ordinary week night date, I will say that this rule still holds it’s weight in gold.  From my own personal experiences, men tend to be much more serious about a woman he takes out on the weekends as they could be enjoying other activities or spending time with family and friends rather than going out on a date with you.  You are considered someone special or at the very minimum someone with a lot of potential if he decides to take you out on Saturday.  Interestingly enough, I have had guys validate this little rule saying that they take their time getting prepared for dates with women they take out on Saturdays as opposed to other nights which indicates their relative importance.

2.    Avoid Just ”Hanging Out” With Him – This is the opposite of tip #1 but still important to mention as its own separate step.  When a man only sees you as a ”sex buddy” or no longer sees you as being significant in his life, he may just ask you to ”hang out”.  If you’re not conscious of the American modern day dating slang, this means either going out with him and his buddies (not on a real date) or come over to his house to have sex.  Men don’t invite their significant others to just ”hang out” when they are serious about their mates.  Sure, there are times when ”hanging out” at home watching a movie are fun things to do but when it becomes a regular activity in your relationship, it is time to question whether the relationship is going in the right direction for you.

3.    Be Aware Of Consistent or Inconsistent Phone Calls – This is another little old fashioned tip that is worth mentioning.  Men call women to let them know how much they care and are thinking about them, even when they’re not on dates with them.  They also know how much phone calls mean to their significant other and will call them accordingly.  If a guy starts a relationship calling you every day but then slacks off suddenly, there’s no reason to go into panic mode but should just give you a little nudge to evaluate the status of your relationship.      

4.    Notice His Attention Towards You On Holidays And Birthdays – Yes, ladies, that sick little feeling you get when your man does not acknowledge your birthday or give you a gift on a holiday such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas may just be your intuition giving you a wake up call.  I’ve observed men tell their supposedly ”significant other”  how much this old fashioned rule doesn’t make sense in these harsh economic times but then subsequently go buy their ”main squeeze” a gift in celebration of them.

5.    Acknowledge His Invitations To Family Gatherings – If there was one rule I think will give you proof that you are his significant other, it is this one.  Men don’t bring women around significant family members and friends unless they hold a special place in their lives.  They know that once they have invited you to such gatherings, you become a part of his inner circle and will be invited back to other events.  They don’t want to risk this if they aren’t sure if you will be sticking around that much longer.

6.    Create More Excitement – If I could name one relationship killer, I would say it is boredom.  Men love the chase which is why they’re so excited about you in the beginning of the relationship.  Once the chase is over, they’re left up to their own devices to find something else to do.  When a woman can keep the relationship exciting, she becomes more valuable and interesting to him.  You’ve given him something to do and a challenge or problem he feels needs attention.  If you’re able to keep him on his toes, he’ll love you for it.

The reason I believe the above tips work is because they highlight and create effort on the part of the man.  You’ll be making him work hard to get you (or keep you).  Men value what they work hard to get.  If he doesn’t feel you are worth the effort, he’ll let go of the relationship immediately or provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision. Either way, they help you to avoid unnecessary drama and save you from an episode on ”Jerry Springer”. 

I don’t believe most women set out to be the other woman but get trapped in scenarios after a guy has been dishonest with her about his situation causing hurt feelings and a lack of trust.  If you consider the above tips whether it be to accept more dates on Saturday nights, avoid invitations to just ”hang out”, or pay more attention to how he treats you on holidays and other special days, you will be well ahead of the curve in your knowledge of dating.  We may not be able to prevent all cases where this happens to a woman but I’m hopeful that these tips will help steer you in the right direction to determine your status in that relationship.  Good Luck!

 

The Real Deal: Dating Men With Kids

What To Do When Your Prince Charming Has Kids!

Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome walks up to you, smiles at you, and introduces himself to you  You take one look at him and get excited because you think this just might be your lucky day.  You engage him in a casual conversation and find that not only is he attractive to you but he is also mentally stimulating as well.  You must be in heaven.  Before the conversation ends, he asks for your name and number so the two of you can continue the conversation over the phone.  Just as soon as you thought your prayers had been answered, he tells you he’ll call you once he drops off the kids at his baby momma’s house.  Your smile starts to fade and so do your dreams.

So what’s a woman to do when she meets men with kids?  Well, for starters, it’s certainly not the end of the world.  Even though there are obvious disadvantages to dating guys with kids, there are some really great advantages as well that women tend to overlook with these relationships.  We’ll explore the advantages and disadvantages to these relationships below.

Let’s Start With The Bad News:  The Disadvantages

1.    Lack Of Quality Time With You – Men with kids have to schedule their time around kids.  Depending on whether he has full or partial custody of his child, it can severely limit the amount of time he spends on leisure activities such as dates.  A simple act of going out on a date may require him to hire a babsitter or ask family and friends to watch his child for a few hours which over time can become an inconvenience.  There also may be times when dates are cancelled in cases where the child gets sick or when a babysitter is not possible.  Tip:  Have a life outside of him so that you’re not completely disappointed on days when it is necessary for him to spend his time with his kids.

2.    Less Financial Resources To Spend On You – If you are the type of woman where you like to go out on extravagant dates and adventurous activities, you may have to lower your expectations.  Having kids is expensive, especially when you factor in diapers, clothes, food, health and dental care.  If he is a generous man, he’ll want to give his kids the best life he can afford.  The more generous he is with his kids, the less money he’ll have to spend on you.  Tip:  Be prepared to pay for a few dates here and there or be creative with low cost activities that the two of you can enjoy together.

3.    You’ll Be Less of A Priority To Him – When you’re in a relationship with a man with kids, you’re really in a relationship with his kids, his kids mother, his own mother and then you.  Remember, his family was there before you came into his life.  They are more of a certainty because they have history with him and he’ll treat them as such when it comes to where to place his priorities.  Tip:  Try not to get upset with him if you feel you’re less of a priority but DO demand respect as you are (or will be) his significant other and may be a part of his life for a long time.

4.     Jealousy May Rear Its Ugly Head – This is where it gets ugly!  As women, we can become territorial when it comes to our men.  Whenever there’s a break-up, there’s a scorned woman and you would have to deal with her on a continuing basis, especially when a young child is involved.  I don’t care how nice of a person you are, the mother of his child could still drive you crazy.  Just put yourself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from.  She thought this man would be her soul mate and things did not work out that way.  Now, you, the new girl is in his life sharing the joy that she once had with him and sharing the family she helped to create.  Tip: Take the high road and be respectful to her as she is the mother of his child.   But DO require respect from her and let your man know when she isn’t giving it.    

5.    You May Be Considered An Intruder (temporarily!) – Children instinctively want their biological parents together and find anyone other than their immediate family a threat to their world, including YOU.  Sure, you may have good intentions but you’ll have to give the relationship time before the children can open up to you.    Remember, you’re an outsider so you’ll have to be patient with them so that they can see that you have their best interests at heart.  Tip:  Be patient!

Now Let’s Move On To The Good News:  The Advantages

1.    Having A Man With Nurturing And Sensitive Capabilities – I believe this is one of the best traits when it comes to men with kids, particularly daughters.  They can be some of the most nurturing and sensitive guys you’ll ever meet as they have gained these traits from being a good father to their kids.  Usually, when you find a guy who is nuturing and sensitive to his child, he’ll also be nuturing and sensitive to the woman he is dating as well.  The responsibility of having to raise kids really opens them up to other wonderful traits such as loyalty, compassion, and self-less type behavior patterns.

2.    He Can Be Less Of A ”Disappearing Act” – When a boy becomes a man, he puts away childish things.  Children provide men with a sense of responsibility and therefore tend to make them grow up almost instaneously.  Yes, a man can be a jerk with or without kids but if he’s taking care of his kids on a constant basis, then you probably won’t have to worry about him disappearing in the middle of the night.  He has developed staying power which can be a beautiful thing for a budding relationship.

3.    He May Make More Concessions For You – It’s really challenging being a single parent, particularly for men.  They can be used to their mothers and ex-wives doing all of the cooking, cleaning and changing diapers so this mothering role takes a lot out of them.  As a result, they tend to be more open to different types of women.  In other words, they may be more compromising on a woman’s attractiveness, age, weight and other factors in which they may not have been willing to before having kids.  This does not mean they are settling but rather focusing on deeper characteristics in a woman such as the ability to be a good step mother to his child.

4.    You Can Help To Nurture And Guide His Kids – If you’re a very compassionate woman, this may be the perfect situation for you.  You can have a direct influence on how his kids are raised.  Sure, you can’t over-step the boundaries put in place for the kids by their parents but you can still offer guidance and wisdom to his kids as a trusted friend or confidante.  Sometimes kids find it hard to go to their parents for advice so you would be the perfect person for them to come to in that situation.  Just be careful of being their ”friend” as you will still be considered an authority figure and they must listen to you accordingly.

5.    Opportunity To Help Heal Family Wounds – This is where it gets tricky.  Sometimes when outsiders come into an already dysfunctional family, it can create total chaos or it can signal a new beginning.  My hope for you is that it becomes a new beginning for yourself and that of the family.  This is an opportunity for you to bring a sense of hope in a bad situation.  There’s usually a lot of open wounds when it comes to divorce or family break-ups and you have a unique opportunity to bring healing to all involved.

In summary, dating a man with kids is certainly not for the faint of heart.  There can be many advantages to the situation including having a man who has learned to be more nurturing and sensitive towards others as he is with his own children and one who isn’t into ”disappearing acts”.  However, we simply can’t ignore the many disadvantages such as the lack of quality time and resources he’ll have for you and not to mention the jealousy and disrespect which may come as a result in this family situation. 

At the end of the day, no one can judge you if you decide to date a man with kids or simply decide against it.  Some women are happy dating men with kids and others couldn’t imagine it.  My goal in this article was to provide you with enough information to make an informed decision so that you can live your life accordingly.  My hope is that you take the information and make the best choice possible.  Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Dear God, Where Is My Husband?

You’ve asked, You’ve prayed, Where is he?

Dating can be a wonderful and exciting thing when you’re in your early 20s just getting out of college or away from your parents. However, by the time you’re in your later 20s, 30s and beyond, dating becomes this endless journey of searching for Mr. Right.  Not to mention your mother may be wondering if she will ever become a grandmother in her lifetime. It’s enough to make you go crazy if you let it! Well, let me be the first to tell you that I feel your pain.

Recently, I was watching a show on the OWN network called “Super Soul Sunday” where Oprah Winfrey was interviewing R&B singer India Arie. At the end of each show, Oprah usually asks the various celebrities a series of questions to get to know more about them. In this episode Oprah asked India Arie what she would ask God if she had the chance. India Arie’s first answer to this question was very appropriate and Oprah seemed to delight in her response. India Arie then smiled back at Oprah satisfied with her first answer and then went on to the second thing she would ask God if given the chance in which she said, “Where’s my husband..seriously?” Now having grown up listening to her soulful music, I instinctively knew she was going to say this, even if she hadn’t voiced it out loud.

As a dating coach, I could give you the whole positive self-talk I’m supposed to say but speaking as a woman myself, I understand that when you’re ready to settle down and have kids, those words just aren’t enough to make you feel any better. Perhaps the guys you’ve met in the past weren’t ready for you at the time or perhaps you were the one not ready. Whatever the case, you’re ready now and that’s what’s important to move forward in achieving your goals.

Now based on my experiences and my expertise, there are some things that prove true nearly every time I hear of a woman who is getting married and I wanted to share them with those of you who have been patiently waiting for God to send you a husband.

Below are the top 3 characteristics I’ve noticed in women that appear to get married fairly quickly and/or have multiple marriage proposals:

1. Have Flexibility And An Openness To A Variety Of Possibilities – There’s no doubt about this one. Women who tend to be open to whatever man God or the universe has in store for them, tend to be the ones who get married sooner. The possibilities are endless whether she is dating a guy who may be shorter, younger, going bald, of a different ethnic background or even a guy who may not be the most physically fit. Sure, these women may have an idea of the guy they would like to have according to their checklist requirements but still maintain a sense of openness just in case they don’t get everything on their list. I believe we don’t have the luxury of getting what we want as in a job offer yet we get exactly what our hearts really NEED in a life partner. I’ve heard many happily married couples say their spouse was not their top choice yet they couldn’t imagine living without the person. Maybe if we are more open to a range of possibilities we can see many more opportunities to reach our goals.

2. Have Boundaries – Boundaries are what keeps our values safe. For example, let’s say you value financial stability. Then dating a guy who is consistently unemployed without any financial resources would not be the best choice for you. Boundaries teach people how to respect us. Women who know what they will and will not tolerate from a guy based on their values get more respect from men, who in turn, give them what they desire.

3. Have Self-confidence– A woman that possesses an inner sense of confidence will always have multiple marriage proposals because she knows that accomplishing her goals are always within reach. For example, she won’t stay in a relationship more than a reasonable timeframe without a marriage proposal if marriage is her goal because she is confident there is someone else out there that will love her enough to give her what she desires.

You can certainly add to this list accordingly but I believe these are the top three characteristics. I certainly can’t guarantee that you’ll find a husband but I can guarantee that if you can learn to be more open towards the many possibilities that are out there while maintaining your boundaries, you’ll be much more ahead of the process than when you started this journey. Then if you can maintain your self-confidence that God will send you the husband you’ve prayed for, you’ll be well on your way to finding one.

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

30s And Beyond: Top 5 Places To Meet Great Men

Quality vs Quantity of Places Is Key for Dating At A Later Age

As a Dating and Relationship coach, my favorite question is ”where can i find good men?”  I have entertained this question many times and have found the real question to be ”where can I find a guy convenient to where I live and work within the time and distance requirements that I would prefer and who fits all of my criteria I have listed on my checklist?”  This may sound funny or sarcastic but generally this is the underlying intention behind the original question.  We have become such a ”microwavable” society that we expect things to happen at our own convenience and become frustrated when they don’t turn out that way.  I think that online dating, although very well intended, may have contributed to our sense of laziness making us want to have it all in finding a mate and not even having to get out of our comfort zone to find him.  Then when you couple this with being in your 30s and beyond and you have a recipe for being single for a very long time.

To help get us back on track for meeting people, I’ve decided to list my ultimate top 5 places to meet men offline.  There are literally hundreds of places I could mention here but I thought I would give you the best quality places I’ve found that people usually meet, particularly in your 30s and beyond.

 1.     Charities And Fundraising Events – This is the best way to meet people and one of the ways that is close to my heart.  Not only are you helping other people or serving the community for some worthy cause but you’re getting your face out there so men can see you.  If you don’t have any great ideas about charities to participate in or don’t know about any fundraising events, join a religious or community oriented group that has specific goals towards community outreach.  Even if you don’t meet a potential mate, you’ll feel better about yourself.  I believe when you are doing good for other people, God or the Universe will reward you accordingly.

2.     Salsa Dancing Or Partner Oriented Dances – This is one of my second best ways to meet people because men have to ask you to dance.  They have to make an effort to approach you, initiate conversation and escort you to the dance floor.  The other thing I love about partner oriented dances is that men generally have to take the lead.  This is a very romantic, yet traditional way of dating.  Not to mention salsa dancing is very sensual and sexy!  Why not put on a pretty dress, stick a flower in your hair, put on some cute shoes and shake your buns!

 

3.     Business Conferences/Seminars/Workshops – This is another great way to meet people because generally people come alone and will be more open minded to getting to know other people as compared to festivals or other events where they tend to travel in groups.  You also have common interests to share and discuss in between sessions.  One tip is to stay away from late night events where the men may get a little too frisky and you find yourself in a compromising position with someone you just met.

 

4.     Jobs Working With The Public – Why do you think so many celebrities, models, TV personalities and others working in the public get so many marriage proposals?  They are constantly in the spotlight working with the public.  They are visible to the public which generates potential admirers and fans.  Now you certainly don’t have to change jobs if you don’t work with the public but consider adding hobbies or activities that would put you front and center for people to see you.  For example, you could try hosting or promoting local events where your help would be appreciated.  You could try volunteering at your church to read the weekly announcements in front of the congregation.  Even becoming an expert in your field of work can get you potential radio or TV time to display your accomplishments. 

5.     Sporting Events – There is really no other place I can think of which increases your chances of meeting men more than at a sporting event.  If you’re not really into sports, try learning tennis or golf to see how it feels to play the sport.  Participating in a sport is really quite different from watching it on TV because you feel the intensity and the passion people have for it.  You begin to understand the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat which is the reason people watch sports in the first place.  You may also get a good work out in which increases your energy level for meeting that special someone.  If you could at least be open to learning about sports, I’m sure men would appreciate your efforts in the process.

As we grow older, meeting people can feel like a daunting process as we are not handed the same opportunities for meeting people as we were when we were in our teenage years.  Between family and work obligations, it can feel like a tedious task.  However, the rewards can be endless.  Just get clear on your intentions for a mate and align your expectations accordingly.  Then think about some of the ways I’ve mentioned above to meet men that would increase your visibility and would generate  interest from them.  Men are everywhere and if you are open to trying new activities to meet them, you should have no problems in finding them.

Please feel free to comment and let me know if you’ve tried any of the above ways to meet people and whether you were successful.  Please also feel free to add to this list of possibilities as well.

For more tips and related articles, please vist my blog at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or for my dating and relationship coaching services, please visit my website at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Should I Relocate To Find Love?

”Maybe the reason you’re still single is because of where you live”

Singles are often disillusioned when they find their prospects of finding a long term mate in their zip code area are not so plentiful.  They go out to local bars and single’s events hoping to find the man or woman of their dreams only to end up having spent a lot of time and money with no return on their investment.  As a result, they may become disappointed with the opposite sex or with the quality of life in that area.

Generally, singles tend to become lonely when they’re not connected to others through relationships.  Sure, you can always make connections through friendships, family relationships, work relationships, or other associations but there’s still that sense of longing to be with someone in a deeply, committed love relationship.  It’s really the emotional and physical intimacy they crave that they can’t get through any other type of connection which can lead to sadness and loneliness for them.

I hear women in major cities often complain about the ratio of women to men as the reason why they can’t find a man.  On the other hand, I hear men in small towns also complain about the lack of women in their area as the reason they can’t find a woman.  Statistically, their assessment may be true in some cases but there may be other reasons underlying their single status.

For example, sometimes it’s not the ratio at all but the culture in that enviroment which may not be conducive for dating, especially in urban cities where ”hooking up” is more normal than the actual process of going out on a date.  Or you may live in an area where it is normal for ”serial dating.”  In other words, singles who are ”serial daters” get together for single and group activities but have no desire for long term commitment.  These may not be the ideal places to live if you want to meet a man or woman who is ready to settle down or get married.

However, no matter what your situation is in your current environment, relocating to a different area can be a huge life transition.  Don’t even think of doing this until you at least have asked yourself the following questions to gain more clarity:

1.    What have I tried so far to find that ideal relationship?  What have others in my current area done to find their mate?  How would others perceive my efforts in this process?  You may want to evaluate whether you have exhausted all of your options for dating including going out to singles events, online dating, speed dating events, etc., to find love.  Dating can be a lot of work but the rewards pay off enormously once you find that special person.  Also, try to find out what others in your area have done to find their mate.  They may be helpful to you in identifying resources or alternative methods for dating that could lead you to that ideal mate without you ever having to relocate.

2.    Have I done my research on prospective singles in the area I choose to live?  If you do decide to relocate to another area, try to get connected to singles in that area to get their thoughts and opinions on the dating scene.  If you get a general mix of both positive and negative opinions that may actually be a good sign.  However, if you get a lot of complaints, you may need to do some further investigations as you may be leaving a bad situation going to a worse one.

3.    How challenging would it be to transition my employment to this new area (if necessary)?  It sounds adventurous to just take off and relocate to another city but if you get there and can’t get a job, you’re going to be in big trouble.  We’re still in a recession in some parts of the country.  If you leave your stable employment in one place to go to another one where there are no jobs even for degreed people, you will spend half your time looking for a job, rather than a wife or husband-the reason you wanted to relocate in the first place!

4.    What would it be like to be in a different city without the comfort and security of family and friends?  When we grow up in a certain area, we develop a safety net.  Our family and friends generally watch over us to ensure we are safe and support us when we need their help.  When you move to another city or state, you are essentially on your own.  Your family and friends are thousands of miles away by phone and will not be able to get there to you in any emergency.  For women, this is especially important to note as there are many men out there that may take advantage of a women who are new to an area.

5.    Have I visited the area enough times to be able to assess whether it is a good fit for me?  You won’t know what it feels like to live in an area until you have visited multiple times, perhaps even spending your entire vacation time there.  It’s not just about dating but also about being able to survive and flourish in the opportunities available in that area.  Additionally, check out the local crime statistics to determine its relative safety.  Then you’ll need to ask yourself is this the place where I can see myself living for an extended amount of time and be able to raise a family accordingly.

In general, finding love can be a challenging task and when there aren’t enough prospective singles in your area, it can be downright devastating.  When we believe we have exhausted all of our resources to find love, we may decide to to relocate to another zip code, city/state or even country.  If you do decide to take the plunge, you are taking several risks including losing your safety net of family and friends, an uncertain job status and even the uncertainty around finding someone there.  On the other hand, it can be very rewarding in that you learn about a new area, gain new friendships and partnerships, and hopefully find that special someone!  If you take the time to evaluate your goal and research your options to reach that goal, you should gain a clearer perspective on which way to go.  Good Luck! 

Secrets To Dating Like A Pageant Chick

The longest standing pageant in America is the Miss America pageant which began in the 1920s.  Growing up I would sit and watch the Miss America pageant with my family as we watched the girls model their swimsuits and evening gowns across the stage.  I can remember debating with my family which of the girls would win as the best contestant.  Through the years, there’s been a host of other pageants to come about such as the Miss USA pageant and countless others with young women hungry with the hope of wearing the crown.

What is it about pageantry that appeals to so many young women you might ask?  Well, other than the glitz and glamor of it, many women are transformed from ugly ducklings to beautiful swans right before the eyes of adoring fans.  What most people don’t realize is the amount of work that goes on behind the scenes in the tranformation process, which makes it so rewarding, and why you should want to try their tips in your own personal life as well.

Sure, you may not be a pageant girl but it may be fun to pretend and apply their style.  Here are the top 10 secrets to dating like a ”pageant chick.”  We’ll understand if you don’t want to share them with your BFF!

1.    Have A Bikini-Ready (or healthy) Body –  There are many health benefits to eating right and working out that go far beyond pageantry or dating.  People tend to live longer when they eat nutritional meals and add a little exercise to their daily regimen.  Not to mention, men tend to be attracted to women who appear to be healthy, even if they’re not a size 4.  

2.    Have A Stylish Look For Your Hair – Add a little flair to your hairstyle whether it be a great color, cut, or add pieces to your hair that will give you the look you want for your date with that special guy.

3.    Have A Fun-loving Personality – Where do you think the term ”Miss Congeniality” came from?  It was created as a way to appreciate and reward the girl that was the most likeable and friendly in the competition.  A woman who appears to be likeable and having fun always wins dates.  Men love to be around women who won’t stress them out but cause them to feel good while he is with her.

4.    Find A Great Cause To Believe In – Many women are drawn into pageantry to promote and bring awareness to the causes they truly believe in for society.  For example, if you care about saving our planet, you could do research into local opportunities in which you could help.  Having a cause that you care about tends to make you more compassionate towards the needs of others and score you brownie points on dates.

5.    Develop A Great Talent – How many times have you been amazed by someone who gets on stage and moves you to tears with their extraordinary talent.  If you have an interesting talent that you think others will enjoy, try to develop that talent and showcase it to others.  Some people think it’s beauty that wins the heart of men, I would beg to differ.  I think a woman who has a special talent like the ability to sing like an angel can actually have much more of a chance.

6.    Have Great Posture – There’s something to be said about a woman who can stand tall with her back and shoulders straight and hold her head high.  It may be the underlying confidence assumed from her body language.  She commands respect (and usually gets it!).

7.    Whiten Your Teeth – Pageant girls should be camera ready at all times, particularly with that perfect smile.  Have you ever noticed the amount of time they have to smile on stage?  Now imagine if they hadn’t taken the time beforehand to whiten their teeth?  Exactly!  Whether you are on or off stage, having your teeth whitened can make a difference in the way you feel about your smile and the compliments you receive on your date.

8.    Know Your Colors – I learned this through working with an image consultant.  She says that a woman should know which colors match her skin and make her look her best.  One good tip to determine your best colors is the amount of compliments you get while wearing a certain shade.  For example, if people are always complimenting you when you wear a certain shade of red, pay attention, you may have your match.

9.    Be Well Versed In A Variety Of Subjects –  As a pageant girl, having to know some of everything has to be the most challenging task.  You never know what questions the judges will ask of you.  However, it’s also the most rewarding because it makes you more well-rounded.  This can apply for dating as well.  You certainly don’t have to study like a pageant girl but you should know a little about what’s going on in the world in case you’re out at an event or on a date and the subject seems to up.  No one wants to be seen as an ”air-head” so knowing a little about various subjects can go a long way.

10.  Have A Winning Attitude – Winning a pageant is the same as winning on a date.  When you believe you can, you will!  When you believe you will, you do!  If you walk into it with the right mindset, then you will come out of it as a winner, regardless of the outcome. 

As you can see, you certainly don’t have to be a ”pageant chick” in order to appreciate and apply these tips to your own lives.  You just need to be open to the possibilities.  Using a few of their secrets combined with a winning attitude towards life should get you the man of your dreams, or at the very minimum, lots of adoring fans!

If you’re interested in competing in a great pageant, please check out the Essence pageant at www.essencepageant.org.  Please contact Sue Drakeford (former Miss Nebraska USA), Founder & President for more information.

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com .

10 Ways for a Shy Girl to Get Noticed!

As a self-professed former shy girl, I can tell you that meeting men can be a downright brutal process.  You are simply not comfortable going up to men and asking them out on a date.  Going out to socials is fun for everyone else but you.  You would much rather be home cuddling with your sweetheart, curled up with a box of popcorn watching “Joey” on an episode of “Friends”.  Life just can’t get any better.

Well, for all of my shy girls, I totally get you and have included some of my ultimate top 10 favorite ways that will help you get noticed and (get the guy!!).

1.    Be confident in yourself – This may sound like a contradiction but you need to be confident in who you are and self-assured that you will get what you need in life.  It helps you to honor your boundaries and set firm standards of what you will and will not tolerate from men.  Interestingly enough, men love confident women and generally rank it high on their list of desired traits in a woman.

2.    Dress To Impress (Men!) – It’s been said that women dress to appease other women but when you’re single attracting men should be a priority.  There are plenty of nice outfits for both day and night that would be perfect for the office and that late evening Happy Hour as well.  You may want to check to see if there is a consultant in one of your favorite stores.  Let her know the desired effect you want out of your look and she may be able to help you.  You may also want to hire an image consultant.

3.    Have a Great Attitude – Men are attracted to women that can make them feel good.  If you nag or complain a lot, then he’ll begin to imagine this is what it will be like when the two of you are married and run away quickly.  If you seem to always have a positive outlook on life, you’ll be a keeper, as he’ll imagine great times with you in the future.  Having a positive attitude is worth more than its weight in gold in getting noticed by men. 

4.    Wear long or medium length hair – Okay, I know my feminist sistahs will get on me for this one but unless you look like Halley Berry, or any of those women who could attract a man even if they had a bag on their heads, then you’ll probably need to keep a certain length of hair.  In my own personal life and that of my family and friends, I’ve found that men prefer women with long or medium length hair.  Not to mention, it’s super flirty!  And don’t forget a little lip gloss to add to your look!

5.    Use your femininity – Men fall head over heels for women that know how to use their feminine wiles.  We may be an equal opportunity society but some things never change.

6.    Wear unique accessories – You want to stand out in the crowd, right?  Well this is a fun way to do it.  Wear something unique like a fun hat or an odd piece of jewelry as they could be great conversation starters.  I love hats and jewelry.  As a matter of fact, when I’m out on a scorching hot day, I make sure I put on a pretty hat and I always catch a guy looking my way.

7.    Wear sexy heels – Heels make you have good posture because it forces you to have your back straight and shoulders back.  Not to mention it makes your legs and your figure look incredible.  Maybe that’s why we girls bust our butts to buy those stilettos!!

8.    Have charm and grace – These are traits that really stand out on a woman because they’re not taught in schools or homes anymore.  There are some men that love to have a beautiful woman on their arms who is also well versed on proper etiquette.  He’ll always think of you when he is invited to upscale events.

9.    Have interesting hobbies – These should be hobbies that you enjoy doing in your spare time.  It could a sporting activity such as tennis or golf.  You could also add volunteerism as a favorite hobby.  Having a hobby will give you great talking points when you are out on a date or at an important event and you need to make “small talk”.

And last but not least….

10.  Be Yourself – Out of all the other ways to get noticed, this is the crucial one.  Nothing else will work unless you’re comfortable in your own skin.  The other ways mentioned above are improvements to who you are and meant to help you to attract men but first and foremost, you need to be yourself.  If you can’t be yourself, he’ll notice it immediately.  If you like to laugh, share a little of your humor.  If you like to be adventurous, share some of your activities.  If you like to be a tomboy, share some of that too!

Being shy is no reason to have to be alone.  As you can see, there are many ways for a shy girl to get noticed by men.  Just believe in yourself, consider adding a few enhancements to your look and watch the magic happen.  Who knows, you may be looking at attracting one guy into your life and get the attention of several others!  Have fun!