Should You Quit Your Job To Find Love?

Is Sacrificing Your Love Life For Your Career Really Worth it?  Let’s explore…

Let’s face it.  You’re single, over 35, and yearn to have a family of your own someday.  You start to feel guilty because you’ve worked so hard in college to get a top notch career only to find that this life isn’t quite what you wanted.  You’re lonely and the career doesn’t quite meet that need.  You know you’re perfectly happy being single but also know how much better it would be to find someone special.  Well, you’re not alone in your thoughts.  A lot of women are pondering this same issue.  Is this career really worth it?

When we look back in history, women have always been on the forefront making major contributions to society.  They have obtained a wide range of degrees lending their abilities to the areas of medicine, technology, education and business just to name a few.  They have even exceeded all expectations of graduating college and succeeded men in attendance at many of these colleges and universities.  It is no wonder that women nowadays are leading corporations.  Even men marvel at the wonders of women and their strength to succeed despite any obstacles.

But let’s not kid ourselves.  With all of this advancement comes sacrifice.  You sacrifice your love life for your career advancement.  Its fine when you’re younger but it comes at a price later on in life.  At first, you work endlessly to get the corner office.  Then you become the “employee of the month” and your boss can’t stop bragging about you.  You are the star of the show. 

Yet, you still come home to an empty house.  Only your cats can enjoy your well framed certificates hanging on the wall to signify all your hard work.  Your boss goes home to his wife and your administrative assistant could hardly care less about the job other than to support her kids.  They all have lives outside of the job.  They secretly pity you but enjoy reaping the benefits of your tireless efforts of working overtime or on the weekends to help “save the company”.

Now as depressing as this may sound, I don’t advocate quitting your job to find love (at least not right away!).  I would never advocate leaving a job but I’ve seen some women working countless hours at work only to come home to the comfort of their cats. 

So for those of you on the verge of either quitting your job to find love or buying new litter boxes for additional “family” members, I’ve listed a few points below to get you thinking in the right direction.

1.       What do you really want out of life?  It’s important for you to be clear on where you are right now and where you’re trying to go.  You are creating a blueprint for the direction of your life.  Visualize your life 10 years from now and what would make you happy.  This will help you to identify a path to leaving your job if that’s appropriate for you.

2.       What are the major obstacles stopping you from getting the love you want?  Maybe it’s not the job but how you manage the job that is stopping you from achieving your dreams.  Is it possible for you to re-arrange your schedule to be able to leave work at an appropriate time?  Is there a flexible working schedule that would be more appropriate for you?  How is my time management in general?  Do I feel it necessary to work weekends to cover up my sense of feeling lonely?  If quitting the job is not feasible, why not try online dating or hire a matchmaker to help you find the love you want?  These are just a few starter questions to ask yourself to uncover the real obstacles preventing you from finding love.

3.       How will my finances be affected if I am to quit my job?  This is a big one.  Leaving a job without having another one can really wreak havoc on your finances.  It’s still not that easy out there to find a job.  If you decide that the job is really the main cause of turmoil in your love life, then you’ll need to think about how you’ll be able to survive without having that source of income.

4.       Make an action plan NOW!  It’s far too complicated to just quit your job.  You need a plan of action.  Start saving your money and see how much it would take to live off of it for at least a year.  Taking a year off of work will give you a chance to breathe without the stresses of work obligations freeing you to meet people more easily.  Try to pay off your long term bills and debt so they’re not looming over your head.  This process isn’t easy but if this is your decision, make sure your plans are air-tight.

Finding love is one of the most challenging things in life, especially when you’re working long hours and weekends not having any time to find someone.  However, it is the most rewarding too.  Develop a plan of action and make it a priority.  In my line of work, I’ve seen people work themselves almost into the grave only to then discover the true meaning of life.  When I advise my clients about their work habits, I have to sadly remind them that all of their accolades won’t be written on their tombstone, their position can always be replaced and their co-workers may or may not be in attendance at their funeral, but your family, friends and loved ones will be there every time.  They can’t replace you, even if they tried.   

Food For Thought!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on June 21^st in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

Why Mate Guarding Makes Me Uneasy....

Seductive or Neurotic….

I love my sweetheart but he gets very protective of me with the prospect of other “sperm” nearby.  I see him turn into one of those apes in the jungle beating his chest whenever his woman is being hunted by another male.  To make matters worse, he has very intense eyes like an alpha male and will stalk another man in a minute if he thinks there is a possibility of him stealing his prey-me!

First, let’s define mate guarding.  Wikipedia defines mate guarding as “defensive behavioral trait that occurs in response to sperm competition; males try to prevent other males from approaching the female (and/or vice versa) thus preventing their mate from engaging in further copulations.”  Doesn’t that make you feel all woozy inside?  No wonder we females feel like a piece of meat.  That’s because we are!

Well, for me, it usually starts as an innocent smile or nod given by a guy I just met.  In return, I give him a meaningless smile back so I don’t come across as pretentious or worse, downright mean.  My sweetheart will see this exchange of gestures and will hunt the guy down with his intense eyes and broad chest to show who’s in charge until the guy doesn’t have any further interest in me.  Now just to make sure that the other guys in the room know whose woman I am-he gives them a stern look too!  And then when he’s won the battle, he looks back at me, smiles with his eyes, goes to his corner and rests. 

Now most women would be thrilled to have their man be protective over them.  But I get too embarrassed by the whole thing, particularly when I’m standing there watching him do it.  I start sweating profusely, my emotions become fully aroused, and I feel like I either want to pass out or have an orgasm!  On one hand, it makes me feel like I want to grab him and kiss him.  And on the other hand, I want to go run and hide out with the other little women until the battle is over between him and the other male apes. 

I’ll admit that at the end of the day I always feel special when he becomes so jealous over me with other men.  And it does seem to stimulate my senses to see two men who have nothing in common with each other “battle it out” to protect their prey.  I laugh when I think about how civilized and intellectual we are as human beings yet so primal in our biological responses to our environmental influences.  As women, we still want the “knight in shining armor” and men still want to protect their “damsel in distress”.  Men still like to pursue their prey and women still like this pursuit. 

I guess as a woman I’ll never fully grasp the concept of mate guarding and why, for years, men have resorted to this tactic whenever they feel threatened.  And of course, as you can tell, I’ll probably always have mixed emotions when it comes to them protecting any disruption to their “copulation”.  Still, there is something sexy and seductive about a man who will wage war against his competition and come out on top.  So maybe my uneasiness is in the seduction that it brings which is not really a bad thing!  Wink-Wink!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series is called “The Art of Femininity and Seduction” to be held on June 21^st in Maryland.  Please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com. 

The Art of Femininity and Seduction Workshop Series

 

Looking to enhance your femininity to catch the eye of that special someone?  Or maybe you just want to add the spark back into your relationship?  Well, this workshop is just for you.  First, we’ll teach you how to fully express yourself as a feminine woman so you begin to feel great about who you are as a woman.  Then we’ll go into our tips and secrets on how to attract a quality man into your life using your feminine wiles.  Finally, we’ll teach you how to have him so captivated with you that he will never want to leave home!  Doesn’t that sound great!  Don’t hesitate!  Please RSVP today with us!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-art-of-femininity-and-seduction-tickets-11651155921

Battle of the Sexes….Or Is It?

You say I love you hoping he’ll say it back….then he goes and washes the dishes!

As if you didn’t already know it, men and women are completely different from us when it comes to relationships.  I know as women we wish this weren’t the case but the reality is that they are quite different.  This may actually be a good thing.  How would you like to date yourself?  Exactly my point.  Let’s explore more in depth how they are different and how we can bring both sexes together to embrace these differences.

Women are very nurturing and caring people.  We are blessed with these abilities to be able to raise and take care of our children.  From the moment a woman is pregnant with her baby, her nurturing instincts start to kick in for her child.  Or even if a woman isn’t interested in having children, she will usually put that energy into her family or personal relationships.  There’s just some things that I believe women are much better at doing although I do acknowledge the efforts of modern day men who have come full circle in embracing their feminine, nurturing side as well.

It’s not to say men aren’t very nurturing and caring people too but it’s usually not their main motivation or goal in life.  They go through life wanting to win battles, slay dragons, and save the damsel in distress.  They feel fulfilled when they are out solving problems or taking care of the household financially.  Even to the point of fixing things around the house so the family can live better.  That’s how they show their love.  They try to make it easier for the women they love the most in their lives and the family they cherish.  The only catch is they don’t always communicate what they are doing and why they are doing it causing women to feel frustrated. 

On the other hand, women want better communication with men.  They want to talk about their feelings.  They want to hear men say “I love you” or “I need you”.  But men say this with their actions.  And that’s why there is such a “battle of the sexes”.  We really do love each other but we have to find an “intersection” in our communication styles where we can hear what the other person is saying in their native tongue.

But let’s try this.  The next time your man does something as simple as opening the door for you or maybe more complex as changing the oil in your car so you can get to work, show him you appreciate him by saying something as simple as “thank you baby”.  Seriously.  It’s really that easy.  He’s saying I love you enough to do this for you.  You’re saying I love you enough to say thank you and appreciate you for being the man in my life.  Believe me….he’ll thank you later for it!

Now I do realize that the battle of the sexes is far more complex than I’ve just described but it has to start somewhere.  And interestingly enough, when men are appreciated for the little things they’ve done, they’ll not only start showing you how much they care more but also begin communicating their feelings as well.  It’s always amazing how much more open men feel to express their feelings when a woman has done her part to help him feel at ease around her.

I should also mention that this works in the reverse as well.  If your man does nothing for you and you are wondering whether he still cares or is interested in you, you should be taking notes.  This isn’t a good sign.  Again, men speak through their actions.  If his actions are telling you he isn’t interested anymore, that may be your cue to move on or change the course of direction in your relationship. 

To recap, the battle of the sexes will always be around as long as we fail to ignore the differences between men and women.  We as women love to communicate our feelings but need to be mindful of the fact that men are different from us and communicate their feelings through their actions.  If he isn’t showing you he cares, then he probably doesn’t.  On the other hand, if he is showing you he cares every chance he gets, he’s a keeper.  And if you play your cards right, you’ll get to keep him for life.

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams

The Dance of the Courtship

He took the lead….and she happily followed!

He sees this beautiful woman standing in a crowded café waiting to get served.  He approaches her with the anticipation of a school boy hoping she will go out with him or at least give him a few minutes of her time.  Finally, he takes a breath and asks for her name.  Demurely, she looks at him, smiles and it feels like time has stopped in its tracks.  Everyone in the café seems to disappear as they stand staring into each other’s eyes and awakening each other’s hearts.

The courtship process is full of twists and turns while two people dance to the same rhythmic beat.  The start of the romance is the happiest, most exciting time when the couple anticipates the pleasure of being with the other person.  Physically, our hormones become activated signaling the mating process and emotionally our hearts become enmeshed with the other person. There is just this great adrenaline rush that comes over us that we tend to forget about everything else in life.  If you’ve ever been in love and seen two people in love, then you know that life becomes much more interesting during this time.

Most of us love the courtship, particularly when the romance is enriching and fulfilling for our lives. However, we just don’t know how to finely “walk the tightrope” so that we don’t overwhelm and annoy the other person.  Courtship is a dance that has to be carefully maneuvered at every turn.  Every move counts.  Every gesture made and every word spoken has an implication for the dance.  Our partner has to respond in kind or else the courtship dies.  It takes two to tango and if one person becomes uninterested, then the courtship is over.  And this is where most of us get stuck.

Courting, in and of itself, should be a very natural process for us.  I believe we have made this dance very complex by not following the rules and protocols already set up for our success by nature (or grandma!).  We’ve tried to take control over our partner’s life to get them to do what we want them to do which never really works!  We begin the dance as a couple and end it with one partner screaming in the other partner’s ear telling them what to do and wonder where our romance has gone. 

However, when we allow the process to work naturally taking care to respect and understand the other person’s feelings whether we like them or not, the dance always seems to work out in our favor.  Our partners feel free to be themselves and we get to have a partner fully committed to us.  We get to maintain our own sense of independence in our dance and allow our partners to do the same making our dance more enjoyable.  How cool is that?

In short, courtship can be one of the most enjoyable experiences when we give our partners the respect they deserve from us.  We allow them the space to dance and make their own decisions whether to respond to our moves or choose another dance partner.  And we allow ourselves the chance to maintain our own sense of independence and identity so that no matter what happens throughout the dance, we still come out of it with a greater sense of inspiration and transformation. 

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams

The Case of the Ex

Does the mother of his kids want him back?

So you finally met someone who could potentially be the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life?  He’s kind, hard-working and very family-oriented.  When you’re with him it feels like you’re in heaven.  Your family loves him and you absolutely adore his kids.  Life seems perfect between you two and the relationship is going in the right direction.  With the exception of one thing.  His kid’s mother has been driving you crazy and the thought crosses your mind….does she want him back?

Well, relationships can be wonderful in the beginning.  But all relationships go through changes and you never know when one partner may decide to end the relationship and leave the nest.  It’s even worse when kids are involved because not only are you dealing with the pain of the breakup but also the responsibility of raising a child.  Now add to the mix, the idea that your ex-lover has fallen in love with someone else and you can only imagine the hurt and pain involved in the heart of the one left behind who has to deal with those feelings, usually the ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.

Now let’s think about this for a minute.  The mother of his kids was once in your shoes.  Whether she was married or not, her greatest pride probably came from her family.  As women, we grow up with the image of having a husband, kids and a house with a white picket fence to home to at the end of the day.  She no longer has that picture.  Her picture is broken.  Her only image is one of seeing him pick up his kids on the weekends and driving away with half of her family.

Now if he never married her, this can be even worse.  They never completed the journey.  She never got a chance to show off her ring to her girlfriends or walk down the aisle in front of her family and friends.  Sure, she has his kids but you have a chance of being his wife and living the life she never lived.  That would drive anyone crazy!

So does she want him back?  Well, it really depends.  It depends on whether they did complete the journey into marriage.  If so, I would say there is a good likelihood that they are just good friends for the sake of the kids.  Usually, once you’ve been married and divorced to someone, you’re more likely to want to move on with life.  That journey is complete.

But if they never married, there is a real possibility that they may want to continue what they started to have a chance at creating a happy family for the kids.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  It could very well be over between him and his ex but I have seen many instances of reconciliation between past lovers, even when they had proclaimed to have moved on with other people. 

My advice to you in this situation is to tread lightly.  It’s better to sit back and make observations, not accusations.  You don’t want to make false accusations when nothing is really going on between him and his ex, outside of the kids.  Your intuition is key here.  You’ll know in your heart if something is really going on.  You’ll just need the facts to back it up.  If there is something going on between him and his ex, then you’ll need to address it with him immediately as that affects your relationship with him too.

In short, I think we’ve all had to deal with an ex from our significant other’s past relationship, either directly or indirectly.  And there is always a chance for an old flame to be rekindled as we are only human.  You know, an old song plays on the radio, an old family album is found or a letter from a past lover reminds you of the way things used to be.  It’s impossible for us not to feel anything in these situations because our hearts go where it wants to. 

However, as the new woman in his life, you represent hope and new possibilities.  You represent a fresh start to life.  Maybe when he was with her, he wasn’t ready to be a father or a husband.  You represent someone who he can start over with and redeem himself.  While there may be a possibility of him going back to her, there’s an even greater possibility of happiness moving on with you.  And if you play your cards right, then he’ll never have to look back again!

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams

Stuck In A Relationship Rut?....5 Reasons To Let Go!

Are You In A Dead-End Relationship…Read This!

You no longer eat dinner together.  Outings with other couples are now more stressful than ever trying to keep up with the façade of being a happy couple.  Your significant other doesn’t call anymore to see how you’re doing during the day nor wonder where you are at night.  Your family knows something’s wrong during the holidays whenever you show up at family events and functions alone.  You’re really tired of lying to people and more importantly, to yourself.  You know you need to end it but just don’t have the strength to do it. 

Most of us have been in at least one dead-end relationship in our lives.  If we can be honest with ourselves, we stayed in it either for the sake of the kids, for the convenience of someone to help us pay the bills or to keep up with the pressure of society to say that we belong to someone.  The relationship may have started off great but somewhere along the way we went in different directions.  Our intentions were good for the relationship but life has taken us along different paths.

If this sounds like you, please consider the following reasons why it may finally be time to let go of that relationship. 

Below are my top 5 reasons to let go.

1.       Your heart isn’t in it anymore – Your feelings have changed towards him or her.  You still care very deeply for the person but are not in love with the person anymore.  You know that whatever has happened in that relationship was for the best and it made you a stronger person.  You’ve tried over and over to make it work with no luck.  Maybe you’ve even met someone else who you feel is more compatible to you and are struggling to tell your partner that it is over.  Either way, you know your heart isn’t in it and you’ll need to let go.

2.       Lack of trust – There’s no level of trust between you and your partner.  You check their phone every time it rings to see who has called or texted them.  You’ve smelled their clothes, checked for lipstick and probably even their bank accounts to see if they’re being faithful to you.  But is this really how you want to live?  If you have no trust for the person and feel the need to spy on them every second, this will drive you crazy….which leads us to the next point!

3.       Your health is starting to deteriorate – This is by far the most revealing when you are in a dead-end relationship.  You begin to lose your good health.  Health symptoms you’ve never had before suddenly come up.  You may become more neurotic or start to have high anxiety over little things.  You just don’t feel safe in that relationship anymore.  I’ve even seen some people go through extremes including losing excessive weight or gaining excessive weight to hide the emotional baggage of the relationship.  But is your health really worth it?  Is a relationship worth ruining your health when you have so much life in which to live?  This is an especially critical question when you have kids who deserve for you to live.

4.       It’s a waste of time – Over the years in my experience as a dating coach, I’ve seen my clients waste countless amounts of time over someone who either weren’t very interested in them or who could hardly care less about them.  Most of them had this idealized view that if somehow they could make it work with the person, everything would be okay.  It never worked out that way.  Instead, the person they wanted had already moved on with their lives, while they were left with wasted years of time spending it wanting them…..which leads me to my last point.

5.       Someone better is out there for you – The time that you spend not letting go of someone not right for you could be better spent on someone who IS right for you.  There could be other people out there who would be much better suited for you but they can’t come into your life while you’re still in that dead-end relationship.  While you’re being weighed down by all the bags in this relationship, someone else that’s better for you could be walking right past you.  Please don’t miss out on your next opportunity.  Several years from now could be too late.

Learning how to let go of someone who means a lot to you is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in life.  There’s no shortcuts or ways around it.  It takes a lot out of you mentally, physically and emotionally.  But sometimes we have to do what’s best for our lives.  We go through life to learn and grow from our experiences.  I like to think that each relationship and experience I’ve been in is a stepping stone to another.  And maybe this relationship was necessary to get you prepared for a better one.  It’s certainly not that easy to let go but certainly necessary to move us further along in our paths.

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

It’s Here!  My New Book:  Live Love Aspire:  Learn How To Live Your Best Life And Find The Love Of Your Dreams