Are All Girl Clubs Keeping Women Single?

Sisterhood vs Singlehood…does having sisterhood among women come at a cost?

I’ve always been a girly girl as I love the color pink, wear mainly dresses and skirts, and would not be caught dead without my earrings.   Even when I was in college, I remember waiting in anticipation to see if my favorite sorority would accept me into their organization.  My roommate and I were so happy when we were accepted and began to purchase all of the latest paraphernalia including t-shirts, socks, hats, jackets, and underwear…yes underwear!  My college sweetheart at the time was also in a fraternity so I was head over heels excited to be a part this culture and walk in the footsteps of the many women who came before me in this great organization.  It was a dream come true for me.

However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve started to question the very ideals I held as a child and a young adult.  For example, my job allows me to travel all over the world where I get to meet people from all walks of life.  It’s really opened my eyes to the differences between the Western and Eastern cultures when it comes to dating and relationships.  For example, I’ve noticed in some of the cultures that their dating styles are quite different.  They couldn’t imagine having a “ladies night” without men.  When I mention this concept to them, they are dumbfounded and questioned the very foundation that I’ve come to understand here in America.  It really made me take a second look at how we as Americans have created these types of female activities and clubs and how it may be keeping us as women perpetually single.

Let’s take a look at the other side of the coin-men.  Men do enjoy bonding with other men in activities such as sports and perhaps even music.  But unless it’s to watch a game or play in a music band, they very rarely hang out the way women do in bars, clubs or other social activities.  Sure, I’ll make the exception of a young male who, in his twenties, will occasionally hang out with the “fellas” to go pick up women in a bar or club, but as he grows up and matures, he tends to go solo.  Yet, women on the other hand do quite the opposite, which is, unless they’re married, continue to hang out in all girl clubs, even when they would prefer to go out with their single male friends. 

I’ve also heard from many men that it is intimidating talking to a woman and asking her out on a date when she is within a group.  They say it’s much easier when she is by herself or out with 2 or 3 of her closest girlfriends.  Just think about it.  Men know they take the risk of being rejected by the girl they wanted to ask out, but when his chosen woman is within a group, he risks rejection by not just her but all of the people in that group. 

So what is the rationale behind the “all girl clubs”?  Well, I believe one of the reasons is because of our history in this country.  Our history dates back to the feminist or women’s movement where women were tired of being treated unfairly regarding family and work life creating a movement that would force the country to look at women differently in terms of being a valuable force in the economic interests of the country.  This was a great thing for women and even better for the country.  I believe this was the greatest bonding experience for women and we quickly seized on those opportunities realizing our strength came in numbers within those organizations.  However, this power has come at a huge cost.  Even though women made valuable strides when it came to asserting their independence from men, they still wanted to be courted and dined by them too.

I also believe that it’s a whole lot easier to deal with your own sex than to deal with the opposite.  Why go through the trouble in trying to understand how the opposite sex thinks, feels, and does when you can just go with the group which is similar to you and not go through the hassle.  I’ve coached a lot of women and many of them seem very content in these types of clubs while silently “crying in the dark”.

To help women with this dilemma, I’ve listed a few types of co-ed clubs and activities below.  These clubs help women find comfort and camaraderie with other women and yet also give them the freedom to meet single men as well.

1.       Team Sports Fan Clubs – If you are a fan of certain sports teams, than why not join a fan club?  This is a great way to meet men who also are a fan of your team.  What great way to meet someone single and celebrate your team’s victory. 

2.       Small Business Entrepreneurial groups – These groups are popping up everywhere as more and more people want information on how to start their own businesses.  When it comes to business, you’ll see a fair amount of both men and women in these types of groups.  Even if you’ve never wanted to start your own business, you may be able to get great contacts in case you need any future services.

3.       Tennis/Golf/Running clubs –These clubs are fun and not only can you bond with other women, meet single men, but get a good work out in as well.  There are generally a lot of outings they provide so members can meet each other along with competitions among members and eventually the camaraderie you’ll share being a member of the club.

4.       Political Groups – Politics are not everyone’s favorite topic on their list of things to talk about on a date but this type of group will ensure you at least have this one thing in common.  I’ve seen so many people connect through political conventions and conferences so I would be hard pressed not to put this one on the list.  Who knows, maybe you will meet the next town Mayor!

5.       Boxing/Martial Arts/High Intensity Fitness Clubs – If you are a highly athletic woman, these types of clubs may be for you.  They tend to be filled with both men and women who are serious about getting in shape.  The good news is that you’ll meet someone else on the same level as you athletically with the same thing in common increasing your odds of meeting Mr. Right!

6.       Wealth Or Investment Building Clubs – If you want to learn more about how to have financial success through investments, then this is the right club for you.  Both men and women join these clubs with the hope of growing their investments and learning tips around money management.  This could be a great club for someone who is new to investments and really wants to know how to manage their money or meet a certain someone who can teach them!

7.       Religious Singles Groups – Religion and spirituality bonds many people together who walk the same path in life.  This is generally a deal breaker on many single’s list if their potential partner does not share their same religion or philosophy.  At least, meeting someone here will ensure that you do share an important value and opens the door to many other possibilities.

8.       College Alumni Clubs – Education is a fundamental value that many people would like to share with their potential spouse.  These clubs are full of men and women who reminisce about their past college lives while helping to build the future for future alumni. 

So are all girl clubs keeping women single?  Well, my objective in writing this article was not to publicly criticize all girl clubs but to make women think more critically about their purpose in joining one and list a few other alternatives.  There is nothing wrong with women building organizations together or going out to “ladies night” from time to time.  Yet, if you’ve been single for a long period of time and are a member of a number of these types of clubs or participate in a lot of these activities, this may be the reason as you may be defeating your own purpose.  Maybe it’s worth re-evaluating your purpose and your needs at this point in your life and determining if these clubs and activities are still a good fit. 

Just Food for Thought!

Game On Ladies! The Top 5 Dos and Don’ts To Watching Football!

Sarah joined fans to sing the team anthem….only problem was she sang the anthem of the other team!

I’ll admit I’m a HUGE football fanatic.  On any given day, you’ll see me at tailgate parties, painting my face with the team colors or performing odd rituals in hopes that my team will win the championship.  Over the years, the game of football has quickly become a huge popular past time beating out baseball as the great American sport.  But don’t take my word for it, just go to the grocery store on any given Sunday morning and watch the amount of people wearing the team colors in your city or state.

I encourage women to get into the game of football because men love women who follow and understand the game.  Sure, they would date a woman who isn’t into the game but I’m sure most of them would prefer a woman who is so they can understand why they dedicate their whole life…ahem…I mean Sundays following it.

So I’ve decided to write a few do’s and don’ts for women who are interested in getting into the sport and would love to have a few tips on what to do to help make their transition successful.

Do:

1.       Pick A Favorite Team – Check out the local home team in your city or state.  It’s much more fun to share in the victory (or defeat!) with the locals who follow the game than to pick a team in a different state where you can’t join in the festivities.   

2.       Be Knowledgeable About Football And Your Team! – I’ve seen guys light up when a woman knows her stuff about football.  It’s like they’ve met their future wife.  If you can “talk the talk”, they will love you even more.  Now if you can serve up a great entrée of Buffalo wings and cook a mean pot of Chilli, then you’ll be in there girlfriend!

3.       Make Friends With Other Fans (Preferably Men If You’re Single!) – Absolutely!  Now ladies, this is your time to shine.  There’s plenty of single men lurking  at the game or in sports bars and would love to see an attractive woman in which to converse about sports and football.  Even if you don’t “click” with any of those men, you’ll have met new friends (who can introduce you to more single male friends!)..wink wink!

4.       Break Out That Cute Little Jersey – You know we love fashion.  Why not buy a cute jersey or break out that cute outfit sporting your team colors.  You can be fashionable and also fun at the same time.  Just don’t overdo it!  This is where you’ll shine and…um…catch the attention of a certain someone!

5.       Learn To Drink Beer – Ladies, I know how you feel with this one.  Many of us have not acquired the taste of beer but if you’re at a sports bar, you may find it to be a lot cheaper to learn how to drink it.  I have a great tip for you on this one.  Ask the bartender if they have a sweeter version of a beer which should help you transition into drinking it.   They usually do have a brand of beer that is sweet just in case there’s a virgin drinker in the house!

Don’t!

1.        Flip Flop Between Teams – I’ll admit this one is a pet peeve of mine.  If you’re a Dallas Cowboys fan, please don’t jump on the Washington Redskin’s bandwagon when you’re team starts losing.  It just makes you seem like you aren’t very loyal to your team.  I’m sure if you’re cute enough, men won’t really care, just think you aren’t very serious about the game.

2.       Wear The Wrong Team Colors To A Game – If you can’t pick a favorite team but get invited to watch a  game, just wear the local team colors so you won’t stand out in the crowd, unless of course you really want to!  You don’t have to be a fan but it does show you’re at least respectful of the local area team.

3.       Tell Your Man You Want To “Talk” During The Game – This one is brutal!  Ladies, I know you have things on your mind and need to share them with your significant other but unless they’re life threatening emergencies, try to wait at least until after the game is over.  Men watch the game as a way to escape reality for a few hours and starting a serious conversation during that time will not go over very well.  You want him to be fully focused on you rather than tell you what you want to hear in that moment.

4.       Giving A Pep Talk To Your Man If The Team Loses –  You let him know “it’s just a game” but he feels it’s more than just a game.  It’s about the championship.  But win or lose, he’s prepared either way the game goes.  He’s been through this a million times.   He’ll get over it.

5.       Change The Channel During The Game – Picture this…you’re watching TV…the quarterback throws the ball….and CLICK!  The worse thing that you can do is turn the channel and it’s the game winning ball!  You wouldn’t like it if someone changed the channel on you so don’t do it to your friends and family. 

What’s there not to like about the game of football?  It brings together people of all backgrounds and ethnicities to share in the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat with fellow fans.  And not to mention, it’s a great way to meet that special someone.  So check the schedule, grab your girlfriends and spend a day at the game or your local sports bar.  Just try a few of the  tips from having a favorite team to being knowledgeable about the game  may just score you brownie points with Mr. Right.  And who knows, you may even decide to wear the team colors at your wedding!

Please DO add to this list of Do’s and Don’ts or share your own below.

                For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com             or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Bootcamp Dating Exclusive II - Saturday September 21st

Due to overwhelming demand, I will be hosting another dating bootcamp in Columbia, MD.  The event is scheduled to be held on Saturday September 21st at 2pm and tentatively to be located at the Owen Brown Village Center.  If you are in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please don't miss out on this event.  Contact me for further details.

Should You Date An Unemployed Man?

When a man loses his job, does he have to lose his woman too?

As a general rule of thumb, I don’t advise women to date a man who is unemployed.  Now this may seem cold and heartless but if you’ve ever been unemployed then you would know how stressful this situation can be on a relationship, particularly a new one.  New relationships need time, patience and a little nurturing in order for them to develop successfully.  If you’re constantly worried about where your next meal is going to come from, then you’re not in a position to give it the tender loving care it needs to survive.

In general, men associate their job and financial status with their identity.  Women, on the other hand, associate their family and social status with their identity.  Both sexes derive their survival from the income they earn from their jobs but men gain a whole lot more from it and therefore, lose a whole lot more from it when the job doesn’t exist for them anymore.  I believe most men want to be able to take care of their spouse or significant other and that includes being able to provide for her financially.  Sure, women can take care of themselves these days but I think most men still want to feel like they are the breadwinners, even when it’s not true, and of course most women still like to be courted by a man, at least in the beginning.  It becomes devastating to men when they aren’t able to do this for those that they love.  As one male client I had puts it, “being unemployed makes me feel less of a man”.

So what’s a woman to do when dating a guy who is unemployed?  Well, I never recommend starting out dating a guy who is unemployed.  However, with that being said, if you’re in an existing relationship and you’re significant other suddenly becomes unemployed, you have a few things to consider.  I have listed a few questions below to ask yourself when dating a guy who becomes unemployed:

1.       What is his plan of action for getting a new job?  A man with a plan always gets the job.  Observe his daily routines to determine if he is actively seeking employment.  Have you seen him sending out resumes or making calls to prospective employers?  Or has he given up hope in his job search?  Being laid off is already a tough situation but it can be made even worse when the person who is unemployed isn’t even attempting to get back into the work force.  Symbolically, when you’re dating someone, this is something you need to watch because if the person can give up this easily in a job search, then they may just as easily give up on you in marriage.  On the other hand, if they have the will and the desire to get out there and get another job despite the obstacles, you’ll know you have a winner in marriage as well.

2.       What is his previous employment history?  Being laid off from a job is one thing but being chronically laid off from jobs is quite another.  This may indicate someone who doesn’t have a great track record of being employed.  In other words, he may be incapable of maintaining employment.  This may impact your relationship when you’re ready to have a family or buy a house together and your partner doesn’t have stable finances or even good credit.  You’ll need to decide if you can deal with his lack of stability or whether you need to cut your losses.

3.       How does he occupy his time while he is unemployed?  What does he do with his free time when he isn’t looking for employment?  Is he volunteering at a local shelter or helping out at the neighborhood church?  He has to be able to channel his energy into doing something positive to prevent boredom and even depression.  Perhaps he is helping you around the house to make your life easier.  If he can channel his energy into hobbies or helping other people, it may ease a little tension in the situation and highlight some of his other qualities that you may not have seen in him previously.

4.       What preparations have you made to pick up the tab for dates or buy more groceries for meals at home?  Losing a job not only creates a strain on the person involved but also on the relationship as well.  You’ll need to be financially prepared to take on this challenge.  If you’re used to him paying for the date, then you’ll need to get used to paying for the dates yourself from now on or regularly spending extra money on more groceries for the two of you.  Either way, you’ll have to budget wisely for the two of you to enjoy an evening together.

5.       What is his attitude in this situation?  Interestingly enough, it’s not the actual unemployment that could break up the relationship, it’s the person’s attitude in the situation.  Unfortunately, the stress of not having employment can weigh heavily on a person’s attitude towards life which also affects how they relate to other people.  If he’s constantly complaining, you’ll be ready to end it immediately.  If you can get him to see the brighter side of life, you may be able avoid the pain of a break-up.  If not, don’t feel guilty about ending the relationship.  It may be something that needs to happen in order for the person to find the motivation they need to get back on track.

6.       For long term unemployment, what preparations have you made to support and take care of this person during their unemployment?  Long term unemployment is brutal.  This person would be completely dependent on you for everything.  Remember, they don’t have any (or very limited) sources of income so even paying for gas in the car to go anywhere is a struggle.  This creates an enormous strain on the relationship as you’ll be the main breadwinner.  This relationship requires a lot of love and patience and if you’re not up for the challenge, than I suggest you get out of it as soon as possible.

Being laid off or terminated can be a challenging situation for a person.  And when it comes to dating, it places a huge amount of stress on both individuals involved.  Relationships need time to grow and it can only happen when both individuals have the time and patience to nurture and guide the relationship successfully.  If it is an existing relationship where it has had time to grow, there may be hope.  If the unemployed person is actively seeking employment rather than passively waiting for the phone to ring, then you have someone who has the will and desire to make it happen.  However, if you check the person’s previous employment history and find he has been chronically terminated or laid off from a series of jobs, you may have cause for concern.    

Dating a man who is unemployed takes love, patience and a lot of support to help the person get back on their feet.  The person may be struggling financially, depressed at times and even suicidal.  If you choose to stay with your partner during those times, the benefits could be enormous including a stronger relationship.  On the other hand, if you decide the relationship is not for you, you have that option too as you’re still in the dating phase of the relationship determining whether he could be a good fit.  Either way, you will have made an informed decision for your life and helped the other person make one as well.

Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

How To Avoid Being The Other Woman

Avoid Being the Other Woman In Dating

You Get the Call And It’s Her...

            

Most women don’t start out wanting to be the ”Other Woman” in a dating relationship yet start out looking for a great relationship with a good man.  Meanwhile, a man who is still ”supposedly” exclusive in one relationship may not share this fact with the women is dating outside of his current relationship.  And when you’re a single woman, there’s no way to tell whether a guy is exclusive in a relationship so the likelihood that a seemingly, innocent woman could be the ”other woman” is fairly high on the scale.  This scenario also works in reverse when the woman who has been in an exclusive relationship with her man for a period of time becomes the ”other woman” as a result of a new woman who enters his life and becomes his priority.

In general, men pursue relationships with the ”other woman” when they become bored of their current relationship or feel it is no longer fulfilling their needs.  Rather than risk hurting the woman in their current relationship, they may decide to pursue other options until they feel the time is right to end their current one.  Meanwhile, the woman in their existing relationship may have become far too relaxed and therefore, are completely blindsided by his actions since she saw the relationship as going well.  .

When you’re not married, you’re free to date as you wish.  There are no rings to prove you belong to someone else or laws to protect the relationship from outsiders.  However, I want to give you a few ”tried and true” ways to effectively determine your relationship status, help you to sustain your relationship status if it is good or avoid any instances of being the other woman (if possible!).

Tips To Avoid Being The Other Woman

1.    Accept More Dates On Weekends (Preferrably Saturday Nights!) – This is one of those old fashioned rules that still applies in dating.  I must admit I learned this in the book ”The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and was blown away immediately by how much this works in dating.  Having compared the Saturday night date to an ordinary week night date, I will say that this rule still holds it’s weight in gold.  From my own personal experiences, men tend to be much more serious about a woman he takes out on the weekends as they could be enjoying other activities or spending time with family and friends rather than going out on a date with you.  You are considered someone special or at the very minimum someone with a lot of potential if he decides to take you out on Saturday.  Interestingly enough, I have had guys validate this little rule saying that they take their time getting prepared for dates with women they take out on Saturdays as opposed to other nights which indicates their relative importance.

2.    Avoid Just ”Hanging Out” With Him – This is the opposite of tip #1 but still important to mention as its own separate step.  When a man only sees you as a ”sex buddy” or no longer sees you as being significant in his life, he may just ask you to ”hang out”.  If you’re not conscious of the American modern day dating slang, this means either going out with him and his buddies (not on a real date) or come over to his house to have sex.  Men don’t invite their significant others to just ”hang out” when they are serious about their mates.  Sure, there are times when ”hanging out” at home watching a movie are fun things to do but when it becomes a regular activity in your relationship, it is time to question whether the relationship is going in the right direction for you.

3.    Be Aware Of Consistent or Inconsistent Phone Calls – This is another little old fashioned tip that is worth mentioning.  Men call women to let them know how much they care and are thinking about them, even when they’re not on dates with them.  They also know how much phone calls mean to their significant other and will call them accordingly.  If a guy starts a relationship calling you every day but then slacks off suddenly, there’s no reason to go into panic mode but should just give you a little nudge to evaluate the status of your relationship.      

4.    Notice His Attention Towards You On Holidays And Birthdays – Yes, ladies, that sick little feeling you get when your man does not acknowledge your birthday or give you a gift on a holiday such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas may just be your intuition giving you a wake up call.  I’ve observed men tell their supposedly ”significant other”  how much this old fashioned rule doesn’t make sense in these harsh economic times but then subsequently go buy their ”main squeeze” a gift in celebration of them.

5.    Acknowledge His Invitations To Family Gatherings – If there was one rule I think will give you proof that you are his significant other, it is this one.  Men don’t bring women around significant family members and friends unless they hold a special place in their lives.  They know that once they have invited you to such gatherings, you become a part of his inner circle and will be invited back to other events.  They don’t want to risk this if they aren’t sure if you will be sticking around that much longer.

6.    Create More Excitement – If I could name one relationship killer, I would say it is boredom.  Men love the chase which is why they’re so excited about you in the beginning of the relationship.  Once the chase is over, they’re left up to their own devices to find something else to do.  When a woman can keep the relationship exciting, she becomes more valuable and interesting to him.  You’ve given him something to do and a challenge or problem he feels needs attention.  If you’re able to keep him on his toes, he’ll love you for it.

The reason I believe the above tips work is because they highlight and create effort on the part of the man.  You’ll be making him work hard to get you (or keep you).  Men value what they work hard to get.  If he doesn’t feel you are worth the effort, he’ll let go of the relationship immediately or provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision. Either way, they help you to avoid unnecessary drama and save you from an episode on ”Jerry Springer”. 

I don’t believe most women set out to be the other woman but get trapped in scenarios after a guy has been dishonest with her about his situation causing hurt feelings and a lack of trust.  If you consider the above tips whether it be to accept more dates on Saturday nights, avoid invitations to just ”hang out”, or pay more attention to how he treats you on holidays and other special days, you will be well ahead of the curve in your knowledge of dating.  We may not be able to prevent all cases where this happens to a woman but I’m hopeful that these tips will help steer you in the right direction to determine your status in that relationship.  Good Luck!

 

The Real Deal: Dating Men With Kids

What To Do When Your Prince Charming Has Kids!

Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome walks up to you, smiles at you, and introduces himself to you  You take one look at him and get excited because you think this just might be your lucky day.  You engage him in a casual conversation and find that not only is he attractive to you but he is also mentally stimulating as well.  You must be in heaven.  Before the conversation ends, he asks for your name and number so the two of you can continue the conversation over the phone.  Just as soon as you thought your prayers had been answered, he tells you he’ll call you once he drops off the kids at his baby momma’s house.  Your smile starts to fade and so do your dreams.

So what’s a woman to do when she meets men with kids?  Well, for starters, it’s certainly not the end of the world.  Even though there are obvious disadvantages to dating guys with kids, there are some really great advantages as well that women tend to overlook with these relationships.  We’ll explore the advantages and disadvantages to these relationships below.

Let’s Start With The Bad News:  The Disadvantages

1.    Lack Of Quality Time With You – Men with kids have to schedule their time around kids.  Depending on whether he has full or partial custody of his child, it can severely limit the amount of time he spends on leisure activities such as dates.  A simple act of going out on a date may require him to hire a babsitter or ask family and friends to watch his child for a few hours which over time can become an inconvenience.  There also may be times when dates are cancelled in cases where the child gets sick or when a babysitter is not possible.  Tip:  Have a life outside of him so that you’re not completely disappointed on days when it is necessary for him to spend his time with his kids.

2.    Less Financial Resources To Spend On You – If you are the type of woman where you like to go out on extravagant dates and adventurous activities, you may have to lower your expectations.  Having kids is expensive, especially when you factor in diapers, clothes, food, health and dental care.  If he is a generous man, he’ll want to give his kids the best life he can afford.  The more generous he is with his kids, the less money he’ll have to spend on you.  Tip:  Be prepared to pay for a few dates here and there or be creative with low cost activities that the two of you can enjoy together.

3.    You’ll Be Less of A Priority To Him – When you’re in a relationship with a man with kids, you’re really in a relationship with his kids, his kids mother, his own mother and then you.  Remember, his family was there before you came into his life.  They are more of a certainty because they have history with him and he’ll treat them as such when it comes to where to place his priorities.  Tip:  Try not to get upset with him if you feel you’re less of a priority but DO demand respect as you are (or will be) his significant other and may be a part of his life for a long time.

4.     Jealousy May Rear Its Ugly Head – This is where it gets ugly!  As women, we can become territorial when it comes to our men.  Whenever there’s a break-up, there’s a scorned woman and you would have to deal with her on a continuing basis, especially when a young child is involved.  I don’t care how nice of a person you are, the mother of his child could still drive you crazy.  Just put yourself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from.  She thought this man would be her soul mate and things did not work out that way.  Now, you, the new girl is in his life sharing the joy that she once had with him and sharing the family she helped to create.  Tip: Take the high road and be respectful to her as she is the mother of his child.   But DO require respect from her and let your man know when she isn’t giving it.    

5.    You May Be Considered An Intruder (temporarily!) – Children instinctively want their biological parents together and find anyone other than their immediate family a threat to their world, including YOU.  Sure, you may have good intentions but you’ll have to give the relationship time before the children can open up to you.    Remember, you’re an outsider so you’ll have to be patient with them so that they can see that you have their best interests at heart.  Tip:  Be patient!

Now Let’s Move On To The Good News:  The Advantages

1.    Having A Man With Nurturing And Sensitive Capabilities – I believe this is one of the best traits when it comes to men with kids, particularly daughters.  They can be some of the most nurturing and sensitive guys you’ll ever meet as they have gained these traits from being a good father to their kids.  Usually, when you find a guy who is nuturing and sensitive to his child, he’ll also be nuturing and sensitive to the woman he is dating as well.  The responsibility of having to raise kids really opens them up to other wonderful traits such as loyalty, compassion, and self-less type behavior patterns.

2.    He Can Be Less Of A ”Disappearing Act” – When a boy becomes a man, he puts away childish things.  Children provide men with a sense of responsibility and therefore tend to make them grow up almost instaneously.  Yes, a man can be a jerk with or without kids but if he’s taking care of his kids on a constant basis, then you probably won’t have to worry about him disappearing in the middle of the night.  He has developed staying power which can be a beautiful thing for a budding relationship.

3.    He May Make More Concessions For You – It’s really challenging being a single parent, particularly for men.  They can be used to their mothers and ex-wives doing all of the cooking, cleaning and changing diapers so this mothering role takes a lot out of them.  As a result, they tend to be more open to different types of women.  In other words, they may be more compromising on a woman’s attractiveness, age, weight and other factors in which they may not have been willing to before having kids.  This does not mean they are settling but rather focusing on deeper characteristics in a woman such as the ability to be a good step mother to his child.

4.    You Can Help To Nurture And Guide His Kids – If you’re a very compassionate woman, this may be the perfect situation for you.  You can have a direct influence on how his kids are raised.  Sure, you can’t over-step the boundaries put in place for the kids by their parents but you can still offer guidance and wisdom to his kids as a trusted friend or confidante.  Sometimes kids find it hard to go to their parents for advice so you would be the perfect person for them to come to in that situation.  Just be careful of being their ”friend” as you will still be considered an authority figure and they must listen to you accordingly.

5.    Opportunity To Help Heal Family Wounds – This is where it gets tricky.  Sometimes when outsiders come into an already dysfunctional family, it can create total chaos or it can signal a new beginning.  My hope for you is that it becomes a new beginning for yourself and that of the family.  This is an opportunity for you to bring a sense of hope in a bad situation.  There’s usually a lot of open wounds when it comes to divorce or family break-ups and you have a unique opportunity to bring healing to all involved.

In summary, dating a man with kids is certainly not for the faint of heart.  There can be many advantages to the situation including having a man who has learned to be more nurturing and sensitive towards others as he is with his own children and one who isn’t into ”disappearing acts”.  However, we simply can’t ignore the many disadvantages such as the lack of quality time and resources he’ll have for you and not to mention the jealousy and disrespect which may come as a result in this family situation. 

At the end of the day, no one can judge you if you decide to date a man with kids or simply decide against it.  Some women are happy dating men with kids and others couldn’t imagine it.  My goal in this article was to provide you with enough information to make an informed decision so that you can live your life accordingly.  My hope is that you take the information and make the best choice possible.  Good Luck!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Dear God, Where Is My Husband?

You’ve asked, You’ve prayed, Where is he?

Dating can be a wonderful and exciting thing when you’re in your early 20s just getting out of college or away from your parents. However, by the time you’re in your later 20s, 30s and beyond, dating becomes this endless journey of searching for Mr. Right.  Not to mention your mother may be wondering if she will ever become a grandmother in her lifetime. It’s enough to make you go crazy if you let it! Well, let me be the first to tell you that I feel your pain.

Recently, I was watching a show on the OWN network called “Super Soul Sunday” where Oprah Winfrey was interviewing R&B singer India Arie. At the end of each show, Oprah usually asks the various celebrities a series of questions to get to know more about them. In this episode Oprah asked India Arie what she would ask God if she had the chance. India Arie’s first answer to this question was very appropriate and Oprah seemed to delight in her response. India Arie then smiled back at Oprah satisfied with her first answer and then went on to the second thing she would ask God if given the chance in which she said, “Where’s my husband..seriously?” Now having grown up listening to her soulful music, I instinctively knew she was going to say this, even if she hadn’t voiced it out loud.

As a dating coach, I could give you the whole positive self-talk I’m supposed to say but speaking as a woman myself, I understand that when you’re ready to settle down and have kids, those words just aren’t enough to make you feel any better. Perhaps the guys you’ve met in the past weren’t ready for you at the time or perhaps you were the one not ready. Whatever the case, you’re ready now and that’s what’s important to move forward in achieving your goals.

Now based on my experiences and my expertise, there are some things that prove true nearly every time I hear of a woman who is getting married and I wanted to share them with those of you who have been patiently waiting for God to send you a husband.

Below are the top 3 characteristics I’ve noticed in women that appear to get married fairly quickly and/or have multiple marriage proposals:

1. Have Flexibility And An Openness To A Variety Of Possibilities – There’s no doubt about this one. Women who tend to be open to whatever man God or the universe has in store for them, tend to be the ones who get married sooner. The possibilities are endless whether she is dating a guy who may be shorter, younger, going bald, of a different ethnic background or even a guy who may not be the most physically fit. Sure, these women may have an idea of the guy they would like to have according to their checklist requirements but still maintain a sense of openness just in case they don’t get everything on their list. I believe we don’t have the luxury of getting what we want as in a job offer yet we get exactly what our hearts really NEED in a life partner. I’ve heard many happily married couples say their spouse was not their top choice yet they couldn’t imagine living without the person. Maybe if we are more open to a range of possibilities we can see many more opportunities to reach our goals.

2. Have Boundaries – Boundaries are what keeps our values safe. For example, let’s say you value financial stability. Then dating a guy who is consistently unemployed without any financial resources would not be the best choice for you. Boundaries teach people how to respect us. Women who know what they will and will not tolerate from a guy based on their values get more respect from men, who in turn, give them what they desire.

3. Have Self-confidence– A woman that possesses an inner sense of confidence will always have multiple marriage proposals because she knows that accomplishing her goals are always within reach. For example, she won’t stay in a relationship more than a reasonable timeframe without a marriage proposal if marriage is her goal because she is confident there is someone else out there that will love her enough to give her what she desires.

You can certainly add to this list accordingly but I believe these are the top three characteristics. I certainly can’t guarantee that you’ll find a husband but I can guarantee that if you can learn to be more open towards the many possibilities that are out there while maintaining your boundaries, you’ll be much more ahead of the process than when you started this journey. Then if you can maintain your self-confidence that God will send you the husband you’ve prayed for, you’ll be well on your way to finding one.

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or inquire about my date coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.